I've been in my current job for 5 months. It's the first full time job I've had after almost 3 years of not working due to severe depression/anxiety. I started off with a small part time job a few hours a week for a couple of months before I applied for this role. I work 35+ hours a week in an admin role. I thought I was ready, however turns out I'm not sure I am.
I am a wreck. I can't wind down at home, I can't concentrate at work. I'm nervous, on edge all the time, crying in the toilets at work and crying when I'm getting ready for work. I'm on anti-depressants and have been for 4 years ish. I have some physical health conditions too that aren't as disruptive as my MH issues. I disclosed all of this during the application process and have discussed how I'm feeling recently with my manager.
I'm on and off the toilet at work, feeling sick, and I think it's nerves. I feel hopeless, like I'm no good at anything and I'll never be well enough for a "normal" life where I go to work. I wanted so badly to be good at this job and be a success, but I'm letting myself and everyone else down.
I have a probation review meeting in a few minutes and I'm going to discuss how I feel with my manager. I just don't know what to do. I'm so confused and scared. Coming to work fills me with dread which is a shame because rationally I know the job is fine. It's me that's wrong.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, I just needed somewhere to write how I was feeling. I'm going to say ask my manager if I can have a few days off, get myself to the doctors and try and get to the bottom of this.
I'm so frightened. I don't know what of in particular, I'm shaky and I feel like everyone is going to be angry at me.
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Please help I'm desperate
10 replies
frightenedaboutwork · 19/03/2019 14:01
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