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At the point of being signed off with stress

(19 Posts)
HildegardCrowe Sun 03-Feb-19 13:56:55

I'm a hard-working and respected member of a GP admin team, been there 9 years. A new manager has come in who seems intent on making my life a misery. She's micro-managing, consistently putting me in my place and misinterpreting what I say. I have tried to calmly and politely let her know how difficult I'm finding this to no avail.

I'm feeling so sick and anxious about work now that I think it might be wise to be signed off with stress for a couple of weeks. I'm hoping that doing this might make managenent rake things seriously. Does anyone know what rights I have please? Am I jeopardising my job, whuch incidentally, I love?

Stormy76 Sun 03-Feb-19 17:36:17

It sounds like bullying, I think a meeting with her and her line manager would be a good idea to clear up whatever the issues are. Sometimes though, some managers have no people skills. Don’t go off sick unless you genuinely need to, you could raise a grievance, you would need to evidence the grievance though. It’s difficult to deal with a bully manager, contact ACAS and they will be able to advise you.

FMAMMM Sun 03-Feb-19 18:58:36

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sl07 Sun 03-Feb-19 20:05:04

Defaintly contact ACAS, they will be able to guide and help

HildegardCrowe Sun 03-Feb-19 22:11:43

Thank you, yes I'm feeling bullied but will ask for a meeting and try and avoid going off sick. I really enjoy my job and it would be such a shame if I let this ruin it for me.

monkeytoad35 Mon 04-Feb-19 09:00:10

If you do go off sick, ask the doctor to put work related stress on the sick note. It sounds like it is anyway, because if things get that bad, it will make them wake up and be more supportive. Good luck flowers

MaverickSnoopy Mon 04-Feb-19 10:04:57

I can relate and had this myself when I was pregnant a few years ago (feels like yesterday). New senior manager came in and said what a poor job I was doing. What she didn't know was that I'd recently been given an (written and financial) award for outstanding performance by the board, who had also asked me to apply for her job before it was advertised (I didn't because we were ttc our second and there was no way the job would have been compatible with our expanding family and aside from anything I didn't feel like I had the experience). Everyone told me that the new manager felt threatened by me. In hindsight she probably did. In the end I went on maternity leave and never returned - totally destroyed my confidence and my career.

My advice is to gather as much evidence as you can of your good performance from the last 9 years, coupled with evidence of her complaints. Be prepared for her to try and performance manage you. I found evidence of my manager about to try to do this to me so left before she had the chance to even broach it with me. My manager also did the same to another colleague (after I left), also a strong member of the team and she was performance managed but went off sick and never returned. HR and Occupational Health said it was a personality clash rather than bullying. Frustratingly I'd tried speaking to the HoD as I was HR Manager and was going off on mat leave and many people were unhappy but she fobbed me off. I'm probably tainted from my experience though so try to take what I say with a pinch of salt.

Since you've already tried explaining your position to no avail organise a meeting with her and her manager as a starting point.

HoraceCope Mon 04-Feb-19 10:06:33

Does she have any valid points op?
Has she come from anywhere else?

HoraceCope Mon 04-Feb-19 10:07:42

I believe bullying is really really hard to prove

HildegardCrowe Mon 04-Feb-19 14:49:29

Maverick so sorry about your experience. I have a feeling that this may be put down to a personality clash as well and want this to be dealt with in as professional manner as possible. I have a meeting with her and her manager tomorrow and am feeling very nervous. But have written everything down and will try and remain calm and collected. I have a very stressful job as it is and really need to resolve this.

HildegardCrowe Mon 04-Feb-19 15:14:46

Maverick so sorry about your experience. I have a feeling this may be put down to a personality clash as well. Horace yes she has come from another practice and haven't worked with her before. Unblemished record to date so hope that counts for something. Have meeting with her and line manager tomorrow and have everything written down. Very nervous but will try to keep calm and collected. My job is stressful enough as it is so really want to get this resolved.

rhapsody2019 Mon 04-Feb-19 15:38:50

Hi HildegardCrowe,

Firstly, I totally hear how stressed out and anxious this situation is making you. You are doing the right thing trying to resolve it by talking it out professionally.

Taking a step back for a second, I find it helps in these situations to try and see it from the other party's view, so that you can act accordingly. If your manager is new in post then it's likely that she will be feeling anxious about making an impact and will want to show that she is competent and credible with your team and the practice management / GP partners. She may also be wanting to 'make her mark' and bring in her way of doing things. She may be getting this wrong, but do you think this could explain any of her behaviour? If so, how might this help you in talking to her about the situation?

Can I suggest that if you want to stay in the job that you love and forge a healthier working relationship with your new boss, that you try to make the outcome from the meeting as productive and positive. Stay calm and try to put across your point in the way that describes how her behaviour is making you feel without directly getting into attacking her personally. So, for example: 'when you check up on my work I feel like I am being micromanaged where previously I've been given freedom to do my job. This is leading me to lose confidence in myself'.

I'm pretty sure that she will be feeling nervous about the meeting too, it doesn't bode well to come into a new job and immediately be having issues with valued staff members. They also won't want you going off sick for 2 weeks. So bear this in mind and feel confident in putting across your views in a fair, balanced way. If you can show some empathy for her position being new in post too (or even anything positive that you have seen of her so far??) then that could really help you get a good outcome from the meeting and show that you are being balanced and fair in your feedback.

Be clear going into the meeting what a good outcome would look like for you. How do you want things to be different as a result of the meeting so that you can continue to do a great job for the practice? Ensure that you share this in the meeting at the start if possible.

Try some positive visualisation - take a few minutes to imagine yourself in a meeting with your boss and her boss that is going really well. What are you saying, doing, looking like? What are they saying, doing, looking like? How does it end? Keep this in your mind as you go into the meeting. I do this as meeting prep all the time to embed a good outcome into my subconscious, you'd be surprised how much this helps me to have good meetings!

Good luck, let us know how you get on!

HildegardCrowe Mon 04-Feb-19 16:46:00

Rhapsody thank you so much for your very helpful post. So kind of you to take the time to write it. You are so right, I need to focus on a positive outcome and I have printed off your post and will use your invaluable advise to help me decide what to say tomorrow.

The last thing I want is to come out of it feeling worse than when I went it, so I will emphasise at the start how I hope there can be a positive outcome from the meeting.

monkeytoad35 Mon 04-Feb-19 17:29:06

Good luck tomorrow op hope it goes well flowers

HildegardCrowe Mon 04-Feb-19 17:37:47

Thank you Monkey smile

rhapsody2019 Mon 04-Feb-19 19:32:38

No problem at all, wishing you well and looking forward to hearing how it goes.

whatisforteamum Wed 06-Feb-19 16:57:57

I feel for you OP.A few months ago a new person joined our small team.A first all seemed positive with just lateness issues.This continued then their were irrational outbursts and clashes of personality with another guy who was newly promoted.I still tried to see the positives and hope it would settle down.The lateness continued and more and more time was spent making.coffee smoking going early.Then began insubordinaton.The atmosphere was awful for us all.An informal meeting made the situation worse and things escalated.
I told a manager of it was not sorted I could see committed people leaving.I had a migraine.....first on ever.On my return a letter of concern has been issued.
We shall see what happens now.Good luck.

ednclouda Wed 06-Feb-19 20:32:01

I do feel your pain I returned to work after 6 months off and he is doing it again belittling snarky remarks every little thing blown up out of proportion I thought I had the strength to get through it but its making me ill again Never had a panic attack before but he is causing them again not eating not sleeping how can one person take away your confidence and self esteem so thouroughly Am hating my job at the moment

HomoHeinekenensis Fri 08-Feb-19 09:45:54

Do you have a chain of command to go through OP?
I had massive problems in my last job. It made me so ill. It was all so subtle but targetted without a doubt. In order to have someone in my corner I joined a union. I had no choice as the person I had most issue with was my employer in a small company. There was no-one above him to take it to. My union rep was brilliant as I was off sick and then they sacked me. I ended up with compensation. Had I not have had the Union behind me I wouldn't even have got the meeting let alone the compo. I strongly advise you join a union. From the minute I got my membership confirmed I slept at night properly.

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