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Do you REALLY have friends at work?

(34 Posts)
sl07 Wed 16-Jan-19 20:45:07

Cut a long story short, I work in a office of few women and I thought that they were my friends.

Now the ladies in my office are starting to backstab and get me in trouble for minor mistakes (I am relatively new to the company) They only do this when the manager is in.

So Can you trust who you work with or do you just pretend to like them?

OP’s posts: |
BobbinThreadbare123 Wed 16-Jan-19 20:49:08

Nope. Arms length, polite and cheery but that's it. I've been back-stabbed and preyed upon by bitches who enjoyed a bad time I was going through. Pretending to help me and support. Blah.

Someone will come and tell you they made their best bud through work. I have made friends this way but the friendship cemented after I left that job.

Sugarhunnyicedtea Wed 16-Jan-19 20:51:52

I have got an amazing friend at work but, and I think this is the important bit, we don't do the same or even a similar job.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth Wed 16-Jan-19 20:56:36

No. They all probably hate me because I'm confident/arrogant, over-educated/out to steal their jobs, odd/individual, get on well with the opposite sex/out to steal their partners.

We are all different ages, with different interests and at different life stages. There are a few difficult people and plenty of 'I's in the team. There is a superficial friendliness and some cliques with one Queen B.

I don't really want any none work interaction with most of these people but they are mostly OK. I trust most of them to be honest and not do any work related back stabbing.

starkwinterfell Wed 16-Jan-19 20:57:58

I work in an office full of women and a couple of men. I get on with them all, but trust only one. I've heard way too much bitching and trying to get others in trouble, very school like. Frightening really.

CrumpBrunette Wed 16-Jan-19 20:59:31

They can be. I was in a team with two other ladies for 3 years around a decade ago. They are fab ladies and they are my best mates. Rare, but can happen! I've happened upon the backstabbing kind once or twice in my time too mind.

sl07 Wed 16-Jan-19 21:03:27

Yeah I agree - it's like being back in school sometimes like, "so and so has done this"

OP’s posts: |
Move2WY Wed 16-Jan-19 21:05:23

I like everyone I work with. I would happily meet for a drink after work. But they’re colleagues and not friends. I only became frienda with my colleagues after I left the company’s and we remained in contact.

Your colleagues are not your friends however much you like them.

Accountant222 Wed 16-Jan-19 21:31:36

I was wary of work place friendships and it was years until I went on a night out with them. About 30 women in my finance office, a few of them would stab you in the back as soon as look at you. It was particularly hard when I got the top job and they all worked for me. But years later I'm no longer working there and I'm good friends with half a dozen of them.

madeyemoodysmum Wed 16-Jan-19 21:34:37

I’ve made 3 lifelong friends.
One I worked closely with
2 I worked with but at a distance so it was fine.

Where I am now there are some lovely people but I’m still new in comparison so time will tell

Ivegotthree Wed 16-Jan-19 21:35:44

I love my work friends. They know more about me than most.

RussellSprout Wed 16-Jan-19 21:36:37

Yes, because management were so shit we bonded over our mutual hatred. Nothing like a common enemy to unite people!!

Sarcelle Wed 16-Jan-19 21:51:06

There is one I am friendlier than others but I don't tell her anything too personal. We watch each other's backs at work. I find a lot of my colleagues odd - I said good morning to my line manager today. From his reaction I may as well as I said you are one ugly fucker.

We have all been through a lot of changes which were not handled well, so there's a big toxic stew of distrust, resentments and dislikes. So friendliness is thin on the ground.

Sometimes the lack of niceties in my work place get me down. I saw a saying that said before you are quick to diagnose yourself with depression make sure you are not in fact surrounded by arseholes. That actually pulls me up in my tracks and cheers me up!

Caucho Wed 16-Jan-19 21:52:01

Sure. Some really good friends, some mere friends and some who are probably just acquaintances. Question to ask is if you moved work would you still see them? I’ve probably got 4-6

HundredMilesAnHour Wed 16-Jan-19 22:02:22

Sorry OP but I don't understand how you thought they were your friends when you say you're 'relatively new to the company'? Surely those things don't go together. It takes time to make real friendships usually. Just how 'new' is 'new'?

I've made some very close friends via work over the years. But the lasting friendships built over time and carried on when we no longer worked together. Three of my closest friends are all friends I made through work although sadly two of them both live 8 - 19 hours flights away now and I miss seeing them all the time liked I used to.

CousinMuncie Thu 17-Jan-19 06:10:22

Sarcelle sounds like my office. I do have a friend at work who, outside work would make the best friend ever but having witnessed them slagging others off I can’t help but wonder if I’ve been in that firing line.

Nuyearnume Thu 17-Jan-19 07:26:18

This happened to me before but it actually was a good thing! It was a task I could have done in an old job with my eyes closed. It did get my back up, it seemed so minor but I didn’t realise the effect it had on the rest of the staff (especially on my day off) I learnt how to do it the way this team does it - a lot quicker than I was used to - win win! Someone else started after me and I realised it was difficult to pick up after them and I realised how much the other team tried to help and drop hints before the manager asked right what’s going on and we need this fixed - I don’t think the team actually wanted to say !

What’s your mistakes? Are they fixable or just human error? Good luck and remember you might be with this people for a long time !!

WheelyCoteClaus Thu 17-Jan-19 07:30:11

Hell no. I work in a vipers nest. All lovely but never trust them. They work things to their own advantage.

We have coordinator and the person who does this job rotates. There's three of them that will change things to their advantage. It's so predictable and hypocritical it's funny

WheelyCoteClaus Thu 17-Jan-19 07:32:55

Question:......

When someone is going through a bad time I.e divorce, bereavement, money troubles etc

Why do people stick the boot in?? It's like any sign of weakness is preyed on.

redcarbluecar Thu 17-Jan-19 07:36:40

Most of the friends I've made in my adult life have been through work so yes, it's definitely possible to have them.. Sounds like you've been a bit unlucky with your current office though. I've only once worked in an all-female environment and I didn't like it. Hope you can rise above it professionally and still enjoy the job.

Boohooyouho Thu 17-Jan-19 07:43:50

I’ve a group of about 10 work friends and we’re all close. We regularly go away together and meet up for drinks etc. But we no longer all work in the same part of the company, and they are mostly men. Which I think helps with the bitching.

Boom76 Thu 17-Jan-19 08:07:24

All the women I’ve ever worked with constantly bitched about each other while pretending to be friends. I stay away from it all.

HoraceCope Thu 17-Jan-19 08:12:42

oh yes, dont doubt it

HoraceCope Thu 17-Jan-19 08:13:56

Have a laugh but make no mistake about their intentions.

Kilash Thu 17-Jan-19 17:39:45

Yes - I have very close friends at work. I work in a high pressure NHS environment and many colleagues have become good friends. We spend a lot of every day together and face difficult situations, often having to put our trust in each other.

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