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When you love your job but your boss is a bully...(11 Posts)
In my case, I left the job (on promotion - ha! Stick that in your pipe, belittling, bullying twat boss!)
In a calm, understated way, stand up to them. Call them out on it and show them you don;t tolerate bullying. Ime bullies crumble quite easily at any age when you show them how their behaviour is coming across. Won;t work with a psychopath but some people aren't even aware their behaviour is damaging. They may think they are galvanising staff or showing 'leadership qualities'.
E.g. if they shout, say: 'Don;t shout at me. If you ever shout at me like that again I will have a word with [boss above them]. Or if they're the ultimate boss say, 'Don;t shout at me. I don;t tolerate being bullied and can understand you when you speak in a calm tone.' If they keep raging or putting you down, let them know that they need to address the problem as it's affecting staff morale. Don't let them manipulate you.
Depends... How long the boss has been there? How likely is that boss will change career or move jobs? Depends on how horrible that person is? Would staying in a toxic environment, make you hate the job?
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
All the best.
I ended up leaving too. It's such a shame but I couldn't put up with it any longer and HR were useless. I've heard that my replacement is not reporting to my horrible boss, so they were willing to sort it for the future but couldn't be arsed for the person in the position.
I have had a bully of a boss for 5 years now. I refused to put up with it - being publicly humiliated, discriminated against and told I was poor at my job. One day I had enough - raised a grievance, and went to work each day, head held high that I was in the right. Grievance rejected.
Same behaviour continued. One year later, gathered evidence over that time - raised another grievance. This time it was upheld and HR agreed that I had been discriminated against.
It was an awkward time, and we still don't like each other, but the powers that be now walk on eggshells around me and make sure they don't put a foot wrong because they know I won't put up with that kind of shit. I feel in control now, and that's been the change that stopped me resigning from a job I love.
How are they bullying you OP? It'd be helpful to know a few details of tactics they are using, so we can think about best strategies...
Thanks everyone She is intimidating and nit picking all the time. I have spoke to her on a number of times about it. She sees there is a problem and will say she doesn't deal with emotions well. But it doesn't last and has a blowup. 3 Weeks ago i ended up walking out after a blow up. I just couldnt take anymore. My doctor and I have a long standing plan that is I ever needed to be off because of her he was willing to put me off. Thing is I have to go back in a week and unsure of what to do. I am feeling great and would like to stand up to her. Its really my dream job without her. Would it be ok for me to request a meeting with an outside party and write a letter to her? I would like to set up boundaries with her ie if there is a change in my job/or day to day tasks that it be sent in a email. She is forever nit picking and changing things all the time, she is going around in circles she didnt say things and making things up. This way there would be a paper trail
Document, document, document.
Then raise a formal grievance.
I can say from bitter experience that it’s no use trying to work with or reason with someone you are having this much of a problem with. It sounds as if your working relationship has broken down, and this is the basis on which I would raise a grievance. Ask to be moved away from her.
A colleague and I were both bullied horribly by our manager. It was living hell - permanently affected my mental health, and I had time off work for it, . I don’t know if this was the reason why, but I got moved away from him pretty much as soon as I made enough fuss, but my colleague had to raise a grievance.
Have you raised the issue with someone else in the organisation, a colleague, union rep, manager? Has this manager done it before, or are you the first victim?
Also keep a diary of what goes on. Make your own, contemporaneous paper trail.
Be prepared for her to turn the tables as say you’re bullying her, that’s fairly typical.
I have asked for a move. I'm being mentally battered by perimenopause at the moment and rather than try to see how she can help she is nit picking, complaining that I'm not good enough, huffing, and snapping. I know that if I didn't ask for a move I would be manoeuvred out of there with a compromise agreement.
I hate her for it. I hate that she has made me think that I am crap at my job and has knocked my confidence to such a large extent that I don't feel able to go for an external position - I have pulled out of two second interviews because I don't feel I can go through the process.