Bully in the workplace

(15 Posts)
Newtothis18 Fri 30-Nov-18 23:36:36

I don’t know if anyone has been unfortunate enough to have the same sort of experience that can give me any advice on how to deal with this or whether HR or a union can help. Long story short I had a friend of 20+ years who 4 years ago got in a relationship with a violent thug who has been arrested on 2 or maybe more occasions for abusing her but she has dropped charges cos he has wormed his way back in with buying holidays etc. I have recently had a baby and my friendship with this girl has broken down we no longer speak and aren’t on good terms due to her not understanding why I don’t want him around my baby or can’t nip out whenever she needs my help cos she is being beaten by him as I now have other priorities. He too has a child that he isn’t allowed to see for obvious reasons so that already proves the type of man he is.

Recently due to disagreements with the ex friend he’s decided to involve himself and send me threats via WhatsApp that if I say another word to her he will ruin my life my relationship etc he will make sure the world knows my dirty secrets apparently. I have also had awful words from him before and abuse on various occasions. Once in a nightclub whilst out with my girlfriends including his partner and he got aggressive calling me a slag etc for laughing with a bloke which he didn’t know was my partners best mate!!

I am on maternity leave due back in Feb which I am already worried about to then find out today he has just been offered a job as my assistant manager. Fuming is an understatement and I am so worried about my life back at work with leaving my gorgeous baby let alone having the added stress of working with a monster who will be laughing at the fact I work under him. I work in a small office as an admin so I will have to take instructions from him on a daily basis. I have warned the boss and area manager about him two days ago when I heard he had an interview but they obviously don’t care!

What can I do what are my rights.. there will also be times I will be left alone with him in the office.. not to mention the fact he has also tried it with me more than once before in a sexual way and when I have said no he has made up awful lies to his partner and mine!

I am so awfully stressed about this and can’t srop thinking about it what can I do!!

OP’s posts: |
olivertwistwantsmore Fri 30-Nov-18 23:38:48

Show your boss the threats he made to you on WhatsApp. Say you will not be able to work with him. See what they say. Sounds very tricky.

DameFanny Fri 30-Nov-18 23:45:14

Agree with above poster - but put it all in writing so they can't ignore it. Be as specific as you can - he has made threats to you already, he sexually harassed you on (date) etc etc - make it clear that they can't afford the risk of hiring him.

And update your CV and start looking around, because these people don't have your back.

Newtothis18 Fri 30-Nov-18 23:55:24

I have showed my boss the Whatsapp messages and he said he doesn’t want a horrible wife beater in his office especially if it is going to shit on me. He called the area manager up straight away. The area manager clearly thinks he is good for the job and doesn’t care how anyone else’s is going to feel about it as two days later he went and hired him. I met with him and explained to him what had happened how I felt etc and he said if I do hire him we will think about ways around this closer to the time of u coming back ie making sure you aren’t in the office alone with him etc. That’s not even the point right now it’s more to the point of having to take instructions from him, call him if my boss isn’t in if I am running late or not able to make it in for example. I am dreading this and think I am going to call my HR Monday to ask if there is a way round this. Thank you for your advice both of you!

OP’s posts: |
DameFanny Sat 01-Dec-18 00:23:47

Good luck for Monday. Hopefully when you talk to HR they'll immediately spot the shitstorm incoming and shut it down.

DameFanny Sat 01-Dec-18 00:27:49

Just thinking about it - what kind of a fuckwit hires someone knowing they can't be left alone with an existing employee? Knowing they're dangerous? How STUPID is he? angry

IdblowJonSnow Sat 01-Dec-18 00:38:51

Have you got any of this in writing op? Between you and this company? Emails etc? Please make sure your WhatsApp messages are backed up. This sounds very worrying. Good luck on Monday and if hr don't help just keep saying you'll escalate it.

Newtothis18 Sat 01-Dec-18 01:14:44

I am going to write everything down tomorrow when I have a clear head ready for Monday so there are no blanks in what I am saying. Once speaking to them I will email them confirming what we spoke about and how the conversation went. I will also email them copies of the WhatsApp messages. Other than those it is my word against his.. a very sneaky man who manages to get away with a lot of nasty things!

Thanks all for the advice.. it is really appreciated and has made me feel sane again as I felt I was getting worked up over nothing!

OP’s posts: |
daisychain01 Sat 01-Dec-18 09:21:28

The area manager clearly thinks he is good for the job and doesn’t care how anyone else’s is going to feel about it as two days later he went and hired him.

This beggars belief that this incompetent doesn't have to answer to any seniors as regards hiring this abusive toe-rag into their workforce. I'm amazed his history hasn't spilled into his work and that he got fully clear references and security clearances.

If I were you, given the caste iron proof you mentioned about the threatening social media threats he made to you personally I would escalate the matter to the highest level in your organisation including HR.

You may need to remind them that they have a duty of care under the Health & Safety at Work Act to protect the safety of existing employees which nowadays increasingly includes mental wellbeing which clearly they are jeopardizing by their wanton disregard for the facts you have presented to them.

DameFanny Tue 04-Dec-18 09:11:40

Hey OP, how did it go yesterday?

Newtothis18 Tue 04-Dec-18 11:15:17

Hi all thank you for all your advice and support. I actually had a text from the bully himself yesterday letting me know he is starting work in my office and that he ‘wasn’t aware I was returning’ until after he had applied for the post. Also to say he is sorry IF he has done anything out of turn in the past and he wants a fresh start. Well this is just the beginning of his games isn’t it to make out he is sorry and didn’t mean any of it and I will be the bad guy if I don’t want to forget about it all.

After receiving this I messaged my area manager to say that I had received a text from this guy confirming he will be working alongside me and I want him to put everything on hold whilst I decide whether I want to come back or not. I still haven’t had a response from him so I’m feeling quite shit to be honest as I have been there for over 4 years I would have thought I had earned atleast an ounce of respect. After having proved myself and gaining a promotion alongside to pay rises in the past 2 years!

I emailed the HR admin yesterday and am awaiting a call.. looks like this is going to be a long process!

OP’s posts: |
DameFanny Tue 04-Dec-18 16:44:00

Ugh. Don't let them drive you out - and who the hell does he think he is saying he didn't think you were going back to work? So sexist.

Newtothis18 Thu 06-Dec-18 20:00:30

Finally had a call from HR today.. asked me to email over messages I have etc and have commented how creepy he sounds and have agreed what he has done is mental abuse so I’ve left it with them for now to speak to my area manager on why he feels he doesn’t have a duty of care towards me and is going to call me back tomorrow. Fingers crossed they withdraw the job offer before he signs the contract!

OP’s posts: |
DameFanny Fri 07-Dec-18 16:32:46

Oh hooray for sensible HR! Fingers crossed and keep us posted please :-)

notacooldad Fri 07-Dec-18 16:40:36

As others have said I would be getting the words ' duty of care' in as much as possible.
Others may know, but could this be something for a constructive dismissal case? Hopefully it won't get that far but im sure they would hate to go to a tribunal after you hsd given them so many warnings!
I feel for you. Good luck.

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