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(14 Posts)
loopyredangel Sun 17-Jun-07 23:45:50

Hi things have been going on for ages in work now, dodgy pelvis now been told I am unlikely to recover, and I am pregnant again, doctor says there is no way I can go back to work under these circumstances! Having yet another meeting in work on Wednesday, don't really want to resign as it may affect my benefits. This is the third report my boss has requested and all have stated the same, even though he knows its a physical condition from prior reports he still asked the question was it a mental illness - which I was a little hurt by. What options has he got, and what options do I have? To be honest I don't want to go to the meeting on my own, I get stressed out every time we have a meeting because everytime I have to talk about my condition I end up feeling quite down and frustrated because I can't do the things I used to do.

NurseyJo Sun 17-Jun-07 23:48:57

Message withdrawn

loopyredangel Sun 17-Jun-07 23:55:17

I'm not in a union unfortunately, they sent me to Occupational HEalth at the very beginning, I hadn't even walked through the door and they said what the hell are you doing here, it is pretty obvious you can't walk without pain!

loopyredangel Sun 17-Jun-07 23:57:00

I even went to work colleagues wedding party in the evening, first time I have been out on a proper night out since this has all happened. I ended up breaking down and had to leave because I couldn't get up for a dance with everyone! Felt like a right idiot!

elkiedee Mon 18-Jun-07 00:06:37

If someone can attend with you, you're entitled to be accompanied, is there a friend who could help talk about your condition with your boss? You don't have to be in a union to have the right to be accompanied or represented - though the advantage of being in one is that of course someone can be that rep.

I would agree that you shouldn't resign because of benefits. Is your boss trying to put pressure on you to do that, or what is he asking for?

I think that you should say something like "you have reports that it's a physical condition, not a mental illness. Why do you keep asking this question?"

Have you advised re your pregnancy, as that may at least mean the employer has to consider more carefully how to proceed, and it may help you re SMP or any employer benefits you're entitled to.

ACAS seems like good advice, perhaps CAB or any local advice services that you can access too.

loopyredangel Mon 18-Jun-07 12:04:33

Well I had a call this morning to tell me a boss that has nothing to do with our department found out I did a course whilst I was off and isn't very happy about it! I am sure they are just trying to dig up dirt. Yes Idid do a course but only on advisement from my doctor and health visitor - I was depressed because of what had happended with my pelvis, and went on this thing last five minutes walked out abd broke down - it just reminded me there was something wrong with me. So I went on a course that was more relevant to my needs at the time, and to ensure I didn't start resenting my child because the condition is pregnancy related. It was an introductory course to Early Years! For God's sake what do they want from me, I didn't bring it up as it just wasn't relevant to my work problems, and I wasn't likely to admit I was down. Will this cause a problem?

loopyredangel Mon 18-Jun-07 12:09:45

I love my job, and have been fighting to keep it all this time, if they think I am giving up without a fight rthey have got another thing coming - I am just fed up of it all now - every time the subject is brought up it only reminds me of what has happened, I get upset have a cry, and try and piece things back together - I can do without the grief and hassle I am getting from them. IT'S BLOODY MENTAL TORTURE!!!!!!
They have the information they need deal with for goodness sake!

loopyredangel Mon 18-Jun-07 12:22:41

Yes my boss knows about my pregnancy, I told him when I was 12 weeks, because I had a week long bleed at 6 weeks, so waited before I informed anyone I was pregnant. My GP has also stated to him that now I am pregnant I should not return to work as the condition worsens.
I spoke to ACAS earlier today, and they told me not to worry too much, they can't do that much about the course I went as it was theraputic.
I have suggested about working from home in the past and they have not mentioned it, so today I wrote a letter requesting working from home to be considered. If I wanted to leave would I be letting this go on for 18 months.

elkiedee Mon 18-Jun-07 13:21:28

Sounds like you're being treated very harshly, I'm glad ACAS think that your course you did was ok. If you found that helpful btw have you considered trying to get to a mother and baby group or NCT post or antenatal training?

Good luck, I will keep watching this thread to see what happens to you.

loopyredangel Mon 18-Jun-07 13:24:03

I go to a mother and baby group at our local children's centre when I am not in too much pain - Thomas loves it, and I love watching him play, thanks elkie - I thought it was just being hormonal x

elkiedee Mon 18-Jun-07 13:28:49

No, it's about getting out for both of you and interacting with other people. I've found an NCT postnatal class and a breastfeeding support group, the latter followed by a cafe lunch, and I think both are really valuable, I just wish I'd had more than a day's antenatal course (just a hospital run one about preparing for labour, which was useful but think a longer thing would have been better).

loopyredangel Wed 20-Jun-07 10:24:05

Well I've got my meeting this afternoon, ealyl can't be bothered what they do at the moment. I get too worked up every time we have a meeting, but I know that is not good for my baby. My priority is my health and my family now, so work can do what they like! Had my scan yesterday and found out we are having another little boy, the good news is the cyst has finally shrunk and gone, so that's one less thing to worry about.
I am going to go to the meeting with an open mind, say very little and take it all in, it's upto work now what they want to do.

loopyredangel Wed 20-Jun-07 10:26:14

I am now thinking about positive things I can do, and how I can turn things around to help others, and have decided to set up a support group for other sufferers with pelvic problems. I think this will help immensely and help other sufferers.

loopyredangel Wed 20-Jun-07 21:04:38

Well, I am a bit gobsmacked to say the least! I still have my job - because my doctor has told them I can't work through this pregnancy, they are going to wait to see how things are after Baby Jack is born. They have also agreed to keep me informed with what is happening in work! So a positive result - I was brutally honest and told them I wasn't expecting that outcome, and this has been the most positive meeting yet and one that I won't be going home feeling frustrated and sobbing into a pillow for days! So my advice - stick to your guns, don't give up easily and roll over - it's worth the fight!

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