Mood changed after they found out I have a baby?

(38 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

GoodLifeHunting Fri 13-Jul-18 17:46:43

I had an interview for a role I'm absolutely desperate for.

It's part time, good salary and lovely role.

The initial interview, questions etc, went really well and they were very impressed.

The only question they had was, why leave a big London job for something local, less prestigious and less hours?

I answered truthfully, since the setting seemed quite warm and friendly, that it was due to family.

They pressed on further and asked "How many children is it you have?" I said 1, a little boy.

They said "Oh how old is he?" I said 8 months.

They then said "So are you still on maternity leave or back at work?" I said maternity leave, but I've been doing KIT days and keeping in touch. Their tone was less cheery at this point.

They then asked "I see, so have you got childcare sorted already?" To which I lied and said yes blush Technically I do, but he isn't with a childminder yet, although I have a space. Their tone wasn't as cheery.

The other interviewer said that the other member of the team (also interviewing me), came back from maternity and got the job. She nodded in agreement.

The interview was Thursday afternoon, I haven't heard back yet and they didn't mention when they would be telling me, but before I left, they said "Thanks so much, we'll be in touch very soon"

Isn't it bad practice to ask if someone has children, if they've got childcare, etc etc?

I always assumed it wasn't the done thing.

I've been to many interviews (all London based, admittedly), and they all seemed more professional.

OP’s posts: |
VocalDuck Fri 13-Jul-18 17:48:42

They shouldn’t ask you but now they have you know what sort of company they are, and it is probably not the place you want to work. It is difficult to prove that you haven’t been offered the job because of it though (if that turns out to be the case).

GoodLifeHunting Fri 13-Jul-18 17:50:22

Vocal I agree, but DH insists people do asks these things, and he says he's always been asked in every interview he's ever had (he works in property).

I'm a PA (London based), and no one has ever asked anything close to that.

I'm wondering if they'll bother to tell me if I didn't get it...

OP’s posts: |
sadandtired1 Fri 13-Jul-18 17:50:37

They were within their rights to ask why you wanted the job. And after that they were probably being friendly. I'm sure they're not surprised that a woman who wants a part time job has a child.

UpstartCrow Fri 13-Jul-18 17:53:16

They asked a whole load of questions that they weren't supposed to. There are some good responses you can try if it happens again;

The question is, do you want to take this further?

sadandtired1 Fri 13-Jul-18 17:53:22

Also did you say when you were planning on going back to work? It's kind of important if they want to pay you for a job, and having childcare sorted is important too.

GoodLifeHunting Fri 13-Jul-18 17:55:47

sad I had to remind them at the end, do you not want my notice period? They replied "Ahh yes, we forgot!" (It's 4 weeks).

I understand they would want me to have childcare sorted but they shouldn't really be asking.

Upstar thank you for the link

OP’s posts: |
starfishmummy Fri 13-Jul-18 18:13:38

I think it's technically ok as long as they ask everyone the same thing.

GoodLifeHunting Fri 13-Jul-18 18:15:41

star According to, it's not allowed

OP’s posts: |
Racecardriver Fri 13-Jul-18 18:16:56

Well I mean how would you feel if you were looking to employ someone and when you asked them why they wanted they wanted the job the answer was basically 'oh, I don't actually want the job, it's just that I have a kid now so can't have the kind of job I would ordinary do (because, you know, I am too good for this place). Next time you need to prepare a better answer and you absolutely don't need to answer those kinds of questions, they simply aren't allowed to ask them.

GoodLifeHunting Fri 13-Jul-18 18:20:41

Racer They directly asked me why I'd want to take such a big step down. I'd be lying and they'd be lying if we pretended it wasn't a step down.

But I ensured them it was one I would thrive in, one I would be passionate about and one that would suit myself (when pressed, I told them about the family aspect).

Questions like "why do you think you'd be a good fit" and "why do you think you'd do well" were asked at the beginning of the interview

OP’s posts: |
Cuppaand2biscuits Fri 13-Jul-18 18:20:43

I've been looking for a new job since last year. I've been asked at most of my interviews about my children, how old they are and how I will manage child care.
Wonder how often men get asked?
Bloody never, I'll bet!

CrochetBelle Fri 13-Jul-18 18:21:05

You are worrying about not hearing back from an interview you had yesterday?

GoodLifeHunting Fri 13-Jul-18 18:21:58

Cuppa My DH claims to always get asked in the interviews he'd had in previous times, but he says the response is always a positive "how lovely" or "oh you must love it"

Never things like "have you got childcare sorted" etc etc hmmconfusedenvy

OP’s posts: |
Somertime Fri 13-Jul-18 18:26:04

They wouldnt have ever asked a man if he had got childcare sorted!

Sorry you went through that OP.

MarmaladeAtkinsX Fri 13-Jul-18 18:26:22

Since having my second DC I have stopped not referring to them in interviews.

I want to work for organisations that understand everyone has a life outside of work and many people have caring responsibilities. If they don’t want me because I have kids, actually I wouldn’t want to work with them anyway.

Crossing my fingers you get a call flowers

eddielizzard Fri 13-Jul-18 18:26:48

And they wonder why women are behind in their careers. Grrr

BrexitWife Fri 13-Jul-18 18:27:04

I have never answered those questions really truthfully tbh.
So to ‘why would want to come and work with us vs london’ I would have explained that I wanted less commute/a better work-life balance or something like this. (Which would have been true too iyswim)
I wouldn’t have brought the child up. Because tbh it’s not their problem.

Because, ime, even when said companies are ‘friendly’ etc they just see that as a danger zone.
And it seems to make you look less professional (why the heck it would be is beyond me but that's another subject)

Smoothsailing9 Fri 13-Jul-18 18:27:13

They certainly should not have continued to ask you about your child or childcare arrangements after the first disclosure from you. I was asked the same sort of questions in an interview once and was taken by surprise so I just answered that I had childcare sorted. Only afterwards I realised that no way should they have brought that up. I didn’t get the job and was glad afterwards that I didn’t. The assumption recruiters should make is that if you apply for the job, you are able to do that job, regardless of any other personal circumstances. I bet they wouldn’t have asked those questions of a man.

Loopytiles Fri 13-Jul-18 18:27:21

Direct sex discrimination.


BrexitWife Fri 13-Jul-18 18:28:25

As for your DH, he is basically showing you the effect of sexism in the work place and how women are treated so differently than men.
Maybe time for a bit of a lesson in sexism tbh.

GoodLifeHunting Fri 13-Jul-18 18:30:25

Brexit My OP was very 'in a nutshell' but basically, I said exactly that, and they pressed on for more info sad I think it was quickly after I said a change in hours and they asked what was making me want less hours, more time at home?

Thank you Marmalade

OP’s posts: |
egginacup Fri 13-Jul-18 18:30:47

I’ve been asked in 2-3 interviews about childcare. I hate it as I agree, they would never ask a man. Each time I actually still got the job though, but I wish I’d had the courage to tell then they weren’t allowed to ask me that.

Loopytiles Fri 13-Jul-18 18:30:48

I wouldn’t have divulged I had a baby.

LornaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 13-Jul-18 18:30:57

We're just moving this over to employment issues at the OP's request. flowers

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