Here we go again... (they ask that 'burning question')

(11 Posts)
alltoomuchrightnow Wed 11-Jul-18 18:04:26

I posted fairly recently re this but it's just happened again. It's happened in about the last15 interviews and / or job applications I've had/ made in a row.
Interview yesterday for what seems a great company, somewhere I think I'd love to work but somewhat marred when this is the opening line of the interview, 'well tell me a bit about yourself! Are you married? Kids?'' (at least I didn't get the usual follow up, 'Well, are you planning to have children?'')

Some would say it's banter to get someone to relax / open up but I really think no , they are using it to discriminate (and that can be both ways.. in the past I've left a job because of the way I was treated being childless.. but also I always think they are digging as some have mentioned school holidays/ school runs before.. as in , 'do you have a reliable car, does the school run ever make you late for work, '...etc..

Anyway, I said no and no, but thinking, here we bloody go again. I said I wasn't single but not married. Oh she also asked what DP did. Maybe it's just making conversation but it's so irrelevant to the job. Why can't they ask more about my past experience, what I can bring to the job etc (hell I don't even mind the trick questions..I'm prepared for them! ) ;) She had my CV in her hands so not like she was stuck for things to ask.
I wouldn't mind if it was now and then but I get this Every Single Time.
It's wearing thin. My male friends say they NEVER get this. Also my corporate female friends never get this.
And surely if I had children, I would have got child care sorted, and the logistics of school run etc. Otherwise why would I be applying!?

OP’s posts: |
flopsyandjim Wed 11-Jul-18 20:08:53

Why not ask them if their male candidates are also getting that question? And make a formal complaint.

blackbirdbluebottle Wed 11-Jul-18 20:15:31

I hate when interviewers ask that, technically they aren’t allowed to ask that! If ever I was asked that I would joke it off with something like only if you count dogs as kids!

RainbowHash Wed 11-Jul-18 20:20:15

They really shouldn't ask questions like that - they're at significant risk from a discrimination claim. Sorry you've experienced that more than once. I would make a formal complaint.

EnglishGirlApproximately Wed 11-Jul-18 20:23:45

I declined a job offer recently as I was asked at interview if I would miss DS if I was away on business shock How do you answer that? I gave feedback to the interviewer about why I’d declined and she was very defensive and said it was a legitimate question. I really wanted the job but the line of questioning made me feel like I’d never be able to say no to anything otherwise it would be blamed on me being a parent.

emwithme Wed 11-Jul-18 20:24:33

DH and I both changed jobs last year. I was asked a similar question ("tell me about your family") in every interview I went to. DH wasn't.

It's infuriating.

alltoomuchrightnow Wed 11-Jul-18 21:10:57

I remember the first time it happened when I was 28,. That was the most grilling I got.. 'well , you are in your late 20s.. how come you haven't got children? ' 'are you planning on having children then, because you are not far off 30. Most women get panicky by that stage. They always say they don't want any, but they always go back on that. We are a small company and don't want to employ anyone deceitful like that. All our staff are child free.' 'I should let you know that my boss doesn't want to employ anyone who's just going to disappear, it's a waste of everyone's time to train them. I know you don't need training but if we invest in you we need to know you aren't trying to get pregnant'. I said I thought I was infertile (I was right on this score). She shut up. I did get the job and loved the actual job but this always stuck with me. One staff member got pregnant and our boss would often say , ' I really really HATE having to pay out maternity pay. I'm so angry with ...... for getting pregnant, she told me she never wanted another' 'I don't have kids so why should I pay for someone else's kids'. and so on..
It does work both ways, though. As I said, I've left a job because of the way I was treated for being childless. Also, my friend got a job at a school where they said 'we want to help you as a single mum. We would like to help you get back to work'. Being a mother shouldn't be relevant. My friend is highly intelligent and could have found a job, mother or not.
Being infertile, it's the question I especially dread. If I'm grilled I've often said, there's no chance of me getting pregnant. If they push, I say I'm infertile. I'm then really upset and resentful for being asked about something so v painful and hurtful to me. The interview always goes downhill after that.

OP’s posts: |
SayNoToCarrots Wed 11-Jul-18 21:21:58

shock I have never been asked about anything not directly relevant to the job I'm applying for. I'm shocked!

StealthPolarBear Wed 11-Jul-18 21:27:17

I never ask in interviews but work in an industry where its pretty much a given that most people (women and men) get loads of flexibility, not least of they have children. We alsuo work with a focus on children. So it tends to be one of the first things we find out about new staff and often interviewees are completely open and happy to mention their children.
I love it. We're treated like grown ups with responsibilities and so get to manage our workloads accordingly.

StealthPolarBear Wed 11-Jul-18 21:28:14

In fact when an employee is expecting we see it as new customers (we are not a for profit or btw)

OakElmAsh Thu 12-Jul-18 16:41:14

we are absolutely forbidden to ask questions about marital status / children etc in interviews ! If its a large organisation with a HR dept, I'd absolutely make a complaint about that interviewer - totally unacceptable practice

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