Is there anything i can do about this?

(25 Posts)
HerRoyalFattyness Sat 30-Jun-18 17:09:30

Having a very difficult time right now.

Ive been accused of bullying at work. By the woman who called me a liar about my autism and constantly ignores me when i try to speak to her.

We work in a nursery in a baby room and some of the examples my manager gave of my apparent bullying were...

Answering a question. (Deputy manager asked me why the playdough was out as we are meant to have a reason for having it out to put it on planning, i said this staff member had got it out because she thought i needed mark making for my observations) so i literally answered a question.

Asking her to make sure the steriliser is filled enough with water to submerge the bottles.

Mentioning that a child hadnt been signed in that morning.

And saying i was annoyed at her for lying about me. She said there was cheese all over the floor on monday morning. The floor was cleaned friday night and the manager checked the room over so how she can lie i don't know, but she is doing. And me saying that shes lying is apparently bullying. So i cant even defend myself because i get accused of bullying when i do.

Apparently other staff members have complained about me moaning about her (which i admit ive done. Everyone has had a bit of a moan about something thats bugged them when theyve been in the staff room)

I admitted this and explained that i feel she is targeting me. That she has blatantly lied about me on a number of occasions, which the deputy manager is aware of, that she called me a liar to my face about my disability, which ive spoken to the manager about too (and is one of the things i mentioned i was annoyed about in the staff room to other staff members as they saw how upset i was and asked me about it) and that she physically gets up and walks away from me when i try to engage her in converstaion or she is very abrupt with me.

My manager doesnt seem interested in my side of this.
She doesnt particularly like me anyway. She tried to give me my notice when i first started a year ago and i went above her head to the owner and argued my case (she gave me notice for time off...which she told me to take because i had been in hospital. I had damaged my wrist and was told to avoid heavy lifting. I said id come to work but asked if someone else could change nappies. I was told if i couldn't change nappies i couldn't do my job and to stay home until i recovered. So i did then the day i went back was handed my notice! So i spoke to the owner when she came in and she agreed i didnt deserve my notice and said i still had a job)

Im just really upset by all of this. I wouldn't dream of picking on someone. But i feel like im being targeted and i dont know what to do about it.

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TellsEveryoneRealFacts Sat 30-Jun-18 17:13:44

Speak to the owner again.

HerRoyalFattyness Sat 30-Jun-18 17:16:11

tells i am going to, but shes away for the next two weeks out of the country. Which means two weeks of hell waiting for this to be sorted out.

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Deehit Sat 30-Jun-18 17:22:24

I work in a nursery and have been on both side of the desk.... it sounds like your manager doesn't like you and is looking for a way to dismiss you.

Document everything for the next 2 weeks and speak to the person above when they return. If you can and feel comfortable ask any other staff members to document something they have seen for you.

If nothing is done you can either leave or wait for the next reason they find to make your life hard work....if you are dismissed put in an unfair dismissal case and work place bullying.

HerRoyalFattyness Sat 30-Jun-18 17:30:35

deehit thanks. Ill keep a note of everything thats happening.
Im not very liked there. The staff think im odd. (And have told me this. Perhaps i am odd to them i don't know) my deputy manager likes me though so I will ask her to keep a log too.

Its all very playground-ish at times.

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Deehit Sat 30-Jun-18 18:07:20

@HerRoyalFattyness nurseries generally are. I would be careful what information you share with the deputy as she has a duty of care to pass certain information on. The staff are probably finding reasons along with your manager to drive you out seen as they don't have real reasons to let you go x

Racecardriver Sat 30-Jun-18 18:13:39

Speak to the owner. Explicitly say in writing that you feel you have been targeted because of disability (even if you don't). Use the statements that your cowork has made to evidence this. Even if the owner is unsympathetic they will think twice about dismissing you once you bring up discrimination.

HerRoyalFattyness Sat 30-Jun-18 18:15:08

deehit i know she has a duty to pass on some info. Im just going to ask her to log what she sees.
They don't want me there. I upset the status quo. Im not like the rest of them.
But i only finish my level 3 in a few weeks...

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HerRoyalFattyness Sat 30-Jun-18 18:15:34

racecar thanks.

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HerRoyalFattyness Sat 30-Jun-18 18:57:35

Any advice on how id word a complaint?

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Deehit Sat 30-Jun-18 20:10:50

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Have you only just recently qualified? Xx

HerRoyalFattyness Sat 30-Jun-18 20:15:16

Im 26.
I got my level 2 when i was 19, but took time out, had a couple more kids then went back to do my level 3.
Im due to finish this month.

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HerRoyalFattyness Sat 30-Jun-18 20:16:01

Ive never actually hada proper job before this one. I was volunteering at another nursery when this one took me on.

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Deehit Sat 30-Jun-18 20:40:43

I see this all the time in nurseries there is always someone who seems to get employed and for some reason or other the person ends up leaving or being victimised. And it's usually the case if it's a fairly new person not as qualified and without sounding offensive easy to get rid of. The turnover of newly qualified and new staff in general is shocking. It seems girls that have been there years get all the best treatment

HerRoyalFattyness Sat 30-Jun-18 20:47:45

Yeah, thats the vibe i get.
Newbies are ok as long as theyre like the rest of them. If they fit in theyre ok. If theyre the slightest but different they get nothing but trouble.
A few months after i started we had a young lad start for an apprenticeship. He left after 3 weeks. He couldn't handle it.

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TittyGolightly Sat 30-Jun-18 20:53:44

How long have you worked there, OP?

HerRoyalFattyness Sat 30-Jun-18 20:57:55

titty ive been there a year now

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Deehit Sun 01-Jul-18 06:55:48

I was let go from one job because I didn't "fit in" and the deputy of that place is now one of my best friends, I went on nights out with all the staff I followed all policies and procedures whilst I was there they just simply didn't have a better reason. I wish I would have challenged it then but to be honest would I really want to work there after that? Iv also seen it where the manager just didn't like one of the girls and pulled her for everything until the girl had no choice but to leave. It's horrible.

If you love it there despite the staff keep your head down make sure there is nothing they can trip you up on. Cover your back on all aspects, go in do your job and go home if that isn't good enough then look elsewhere before they get rid and it reflects bad on you and your CV. Xx

HerRoyalFattyness Sun 01-Jul-18 07:40:43

deehit thanks. I do just go in and do my job. Things were fine (for the most part) until this new staff member started in the baby room with me. She seems to enjoy causing trouble.

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daisychain01 Sun 01-Jul-18 08:18:39

Life is tough enough in a job when you're the new person. Everyone else knows each other, cliques are formed and you can easily feel like the outsider. Add to that, you have challenges with autism.

Have you received formal diagnosis of autism? Have you declared this to your employer, so they are aware? They have a duty of care to support you provided you have told them, and if necessary they should make reasonable adjustments which you may need to work with them to identify and put in place. Is this something you could talk with them about?

If you have a Disability and have ensured your employer knows, you have protections under the Equality Act to be treated fairly and reasonably, but you need to play your part which includes not grumbling about staff to other people. It may be difficult if they are not behaving well, but try to rise above it if possible.

HerRoyalFattyness Sun 01-Jul-18 08:56:15

daisy yes i have a diagnosis and work are aware of it.

Im not even the new person. This is the most frustrating thing. The woman who started all of this is the new person! But because the others like her, they're targeting me with her.

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daisychain01 Sun 01-Jul-18 09:34:00

You have protection under the law, they will be very careful not to get rid of you as they will see there's a risk of Tribunal.

Sometimes things settle down once the novelty of the new person goes away. I would give it a few months to see if you can make things work. Don't change who you are, but maybe change the way you think about things. A combination of Life's too short and Don't sweat the small stuff! smile

HerRoyalFattyness Sun 01-Jul-18 10:02:40

Thats how i try to be.
Despite the fact this woman completely ignores me, physically gets up and walks away, i still go in every morning, say good morning and ask how she is.
I still ask how her weekend has been on a monday, i still try to engage in conversation with her.

Despite knowing the other staff have called me names and said horrible things about me (ive overheard them) i still talk to them and try to be involved in conversations.

Im going to a christening today of a staff members child. Im doing that, because i want to show willing. Going out, socialising and masking who i am exhausts me. But i do it.

I do all of this and in return i get victimised.

The same thing happened in high school a group of girls took a dislike to me, pretended to be my friends, then started accusing me of bullying one of them, spreading lies about me (in high school people actually believed that i had had aids twice) and making my life hell. I spoke to the teachers but nothing was ever done because all they ever saw was my retaliation.
I ended up not going into school. Got no GCSEs. (Except english) and had to attend anger management when i was in school. Where i explained of course i was angry. I was being bullied and no one was helping me.

Thats whats happening here.

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daisychain01 Sun 01-Jul-18 21:43:44

Carry on being the bigger person. 'Kill 'em with kindness' as they say. They have the problem, not you. It probably confuses and frustrates them that you carry on being nice. At least you can live with yourself and don't harbour hatred.

Maybe they'll come round and start being decent human beings. Don't hold your breathe. Keep turning up to work each day, that's your priority, and those kids you take care of - focus on them.

One of my fave quotes is Woody Allen:- 80% of success is showing up

HerRoyalFattyness Sun 01-Jul-18 21:54:12

Thanks daisy i will. No point getting dragged down to their level.

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