Condescending manager

[Yoyooo]

I have been told in my latest review that I obviously care and work hard etc, but my team find me condescending.

I try to do as much as I can for them, but we are quite target driven which a lot of them aren't used to.

How can I start coming across in the right way?

[pippistrelle]

Oof, that must have stung a bit. I think it can be quite easy to appear condescending when you know a lot about something, you're good at it, and you just want everyone else to be good at it as well.

If your reviewer didn't provide examples, is there someone on the team you could talk to about this so that you have specific examples of where you might have ruffled feathers? Depending on the dynamics, that might not be possible. So, if not, then perhaps you need to be wary of micromanaging and try to accept that there can be more than one way to do something. But without knowing specifics, it's hard to say more.

[daisychain01]

Can you think of why it could be - was there a recent situation which could have triggered their accusation of you being condescending?

It's sometimes difficult to be self-critical because you know what you're trying to achieve so your actions are just a reflection of you enacting your intentions, but others interpret it differently. So, it could be helpful if you verbalise your intentions a bit clearer without sounding 'apologetic' about it.

[ScreamingValenta]

It's really difficult when you're told about a negative behaviour without being given examples of it - although I understand why this can happen, as people have often given feedback anonymously.

You say you 'try to do as much as you can for them' - could this be the root of the problem? Are you doing too much rather than stepping away and letting them get on with it? If they need help to meet their targets, could you set aside some specific slots to coach them as they work, so they will see this as a 'training' activity where they can expect explanations of what they should be doing, rather than their manager intervening in their day to day role.

It's awful when you get negative feedback from the people you manage - I had a stinging comment myself last year, from someone in my team, and it took me a while to get over it. Do take the positives about caring, though.

[Cupoteap]

You need to ask for specifics if you can't think why.