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What to do... leave a job I hate, or stay put now TTC?

6 replies

rokko88 · 13/04/2018 20:26

Partner and I have been TTC for around 6 months. Baby is desperately wanted and I want to really enjoy time at home with any children we have, as and when the time comes but ultimately do want to go back to work, part-time, for myself.

I'm currently in a job I hate. It's making me feel anxious, depressed, lacking in self-confidence and highly stressed. Probably not helping in the TTC stakes. The work culture is not a fit with my morals and personality BUT it's permanent with good maternity benefits, given that I've been with the company for over two years. I will also say that I do have a difficult history with mental health issues so the things I find stressful and anxiety-causing in this job could also be partially attributed to that, anyway.

Recently, I've had it. I'm at breaking point after being bullied by a colleague and getting zero support from my manager or HR. I've been looking for new jobs, applied for a few and even found one that I love the look of. It's in a public sector role though so probation is 6 months. Add that to the 6 weeks notice I have to give at my current job and I'm terrified that I'd end up pregnant (lovely but wouldn't that be ironic) and then dismissed before my probation ended due to being pregnant. Illegal yes but easy to fire someone without giving a reason whilst still in probationary period.

Ultimately, I may be making a mountain out of a molehill. I'm not pregnant yet, nor do I have a firm offer of new employment. I suppose my dilemma comes down to... do I look for a new job or not? Do I be brave and take the leap or stick it out for however long it takes to conceive and go on maternity leave? I can't bear my current situation but I also don't want to start motherhood with financial uncertainty hanging over me, both from a practical and emotional standpoint. My partner is all for me quitting tomorrow and supporting us both but my own sense of self-worth and pride couldn't live with that. I need to feel I still have my own identity and am fiercely independent (read: stubborn).

The obvious solution would be to hold off TTC for two months until I've found a new job but due to a bunch of difficult medical issues we've been encouraged to try and get pregnant sooner rather than later and a baby is the thing we both want more than anything.

Thank you.

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Mummy2one2016 · 13/04/2018 20:34

It sounds like you have a very supportive and loving partner.

Follow your heart, life's to short to be unhappy. You may find once you are relaxed and happy in a new job that everything else will fall into place.

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rokko88 · 13/04/2018 21:44

Mummy2one2016 - yes, he is wonderful. Thank you.

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CamelToeBalls · 13/04/2018 22:02

Providing there’s no suspected fertility issues, I’d focus on staying where you are at the moment with the aim to be pregnant within the next 6 months.

If you are feeling ill with anxiety and stress why not visit your GP and get signed off for a while or put on limited duties?

Unfortunately changing jobs has no guarantees of it being any better than where you are just now. There’s bullies in a lot of work places and the culture may still not be a fit either.

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andyandapril · 13/04/2018 22:11

What a lovely partner you have to support you like this. How kind. The problem with leaving before you have a job to go to is that it’s easier to get another job when you are in a job. Try and stick it out a little longer, maybe, and put as much thought and effort as you can into finding the right job for you. It is out there. Perhaps take a weekend to discuss with your partner other ideas about how to find the perfect job for you. Could you think of an employee you want to work for and ring them up and see if they have any current vacancies or pay them a visit? Hope it works out for you.

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CarrotPuff · 16/04/2018 12:13

I would just start looking for another job. You just never know how long it will take to TTC. You only have one short life, spending 40+ hours a week doing something that is soul destroying isn't worth it.

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maxelly · 16/04/2018 15:48

I understand where you're coming from OP but if it was me I would go for the new job and worry about the pregnancy/maternity leave situation as and when you need to, it sounds like you are genuinely really unhappy in your current role and life is too short for that...

For what it's worth I've worked in HR in the public sector for many years and would be surprised to hear about a public sector organisation trying to get rid of someone in their probation period without any performance or absence or behaviour issues, purely due to pregnancy (never say never of course), most public sector organisations/HR departments are very risk averse and aside from the moral issues this would have a discrimination claim written all over it. I'm not saying they'll be delighted if you announce a pregnancy only a short time into a new role (you might get a few Hmm faces) but it's a surprisingly common scenario really, it's so common to take a while TTC and people don't always hold off going for new roles for the duration, they understandably put themselves and their family above their employer's interests and you have the law on your side to do so.

In the absolute worse case scenario and you end up pregnant and unemployed you should still be entitled to maternity allowance from the government (equivalent to SMP) provided you'd been working for 26 weeks of the 66 weeks prior to baby's due date, which you could hopefully survive on and look for a new job when ready to do so?

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