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Being asked to enter mediation

(17 Posts)
NameChangeForObvsReasons Tue 13-Feb-18 17:50:33

A colleague who looses their shit at people (often me) from time to time was finally given a disciplinary.

This person challenged it all the way and took out a grievance against me as their manager, and my manager who is the CEO.

The process has officially justified my side of things. I've now been asked by CEO if I'd be prepared to enter mediation.

The problem is that I don't think this person is rational enough to be able to accept that there's any issue with their behaviour. Despite having this highlighted by the whole stressful & very long winded process.

CEO says if we can't work together this person will have to go. I don't feel like I want to be the person who made someone else lose their job.

But on the other hand they're a fucking nightmare.

Love my job otherwise.

What would you do?

WipsGlitter Tue 13-Feb-18 17:55:46

I'd probably try the mediation.

I also work with someone who is an utter nightmare and our CEO pretends not to see it so you have my sympathy.

At least you can say you've tried but at the end of the day if they are not prepared to change their behaviour or see there is a problem then what can you do?

NameChangeForObvsReasons Tue 13-Feb-18 18:59:49

Well my CEO does see it. That's the thing. He has completely backed me on all my pints. He says he'll be devastated if I leave. I.e. If I'm adamant that I can't work with this person any longer they will have to go!
I just don't want to be put in the position of making that call. I mean they're a nightmare but I would really rather they left of their own accord. Obviously I can't say this to them though.

NameChangeForObvsReasons Tue 13-Feb-18 19:01:02

(All my points not pints)

Fosterdog123 Tue 13-Feb-18 19:12:12

YOU would not be the reason they lost their job - THEY would be.

What was the outcome of the disciplinary? What were they given? Verbal, final written etc? Are they on an improvement plan? Not sure I would agree to mediation tbh. You've done nothing wrong. They need to modify their behaviour. You are their line manager, not their peer.

regularbutpanickingabit Tue 13-Feb-18 19:23:19

Ask your CEO what he expects to be an outcome from the mediation and how those expectations will be laid out to both of you. As you have been vindicated, I can only think that mediation is a useful tool to move forward with a better working relationship but that must feel a bit like a weird thing to go through from your side.

What it can't be is another weapon for this person to use against you in a small room and so he also needs to be explicit about what behaviour within that mediation is acceptable or not eg. being shouted down, the original problem being rehashed despite a disciplinary having already taken place etc.

Again, you must both have that clearly set out before mediation.

Who will be managing the mediation? Him? Someone else within the business? Make sure they are trained in mediation and aren't just sitting under that umbrella with no idea about how to manage tricky sessions.

It may be that he is looking at this as a make or break but it needs handling sensitively.

NameChangeForObvsReasons Wed 14-Feb-18 07:48:36

Thanks you for your replies.
I will bear them in mind when giving my response to his suggestion.

NameChangeForObvsReasons Wed 14-Feb-18 07:51:38

It will certainly be about looking forward. Not rehashing issues which have already been dealt with.

The whole thing just makes me feel like walking out tbh. Which in turn annoys me because, other than this I love my job.

mollifly Wed 14-Feb-18 08:02:38

You poor thing, grievance processes are a nightmare.

I would attempt the mediation as long as there are clear ground rules about what it is to achieve however if you don't want to, don't do it. You've not done anything wrong in this situation.

If you did attempt the mediation and they didn't improve, it's not you at fault (not that it is anyway) but at least you can say you've done everything you can.

The only thing about mediation is that it's easy for someone to say the right thing in the room but it doesn't mean they have to uphold it outside of the room and sometimes if management aren't good they will see that they've done what they need to do and that's it when often the problem isn't resolved.

twinone Wed 14-Feb-18 08:49:37

You've come this far, you should try mediation.
Hopefully he will dig his own grave in mediation and there will be a third party to witness it.

thereinmadnesslies Wed 14-Feb-18 08:54:53

I would think carefully about the personality of the other person before agreeing to mediation.
I was forced to attend mediation with a woman who was bullying me. In the mediation, she completely dominated the discussion and used it as another opportunity to attack me. I’ve been off sick since. Subsequently, I discussed it with my counsellor who thinks that the bully has traits of borderline personality disorder / narcissism. Apparently mediation does not work with those personality types because it gives them a platform.
What will you get out of the mediation? You have no obligation to help keep the other person in their job.

saladdays66 Wed 14-Feb-18 08:59:37

Agree with Madness. If you think the other person will get anything from the mediation, and has the self awareness to change, then try it.

If you don’t, say no.

You won’t have lost this person their job; their behaviour has. Not your fault.

QueenAravisOfArchenland Wed 14-Feb-18 09:14:13

I'm confused. You're this person's manager? In that case, it is literally your job to see that this person loses their job. I don't see the point in mediation. He should have been performance managed out long ago. Why are you dithering? You have your CEO's support. Step up.

QueenAravisOfArchenland Wed 14-Feb-18 09:15:35

I just don't want to be put in the position of making that call.

Seriously? It's your job to make it. If you don't want to be a manager, step down from a management position. It is absolutely miserable for your team to be put in the position of having a passive manager who doesn't address serious issues and just hopes the person will "leave on their own".

Upperwallop Wed 14-Feb-18 09:41:37

Totally agree with Queen actually.

ArchchancellorsHat Wed 14-Feb-18 14:00:58

If you're the person's manager then yes it is your call. If you don't think the mediation will work then say so. But what happens if you do try it and then it fails - is it supposed to be the final nail in the coffin? It sounds like you're already at that stage.

has the person learned anything through this process or do they still feel justified in what they've been doing so will repeat it indefinitely till they do get the push?

TellsEveryoneRealFacts Wed 14-Feb-18 14:05:40

CEO says if we can't work together this person will have to go

I think you and the CEO need to sit down and work out why this person is even still there. How long have they been there? What is the issue?

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