A new job with more money (which we need) or a baby (which we really want)(42 Posts)
*I have name changed and I’m sorry this is so long*
I really don’t know what to do....I’d really appreciate everyone’s take on my situation and your advice.
I’m 34 (almost 35).
DH and I have been married for two years and now both feel ready and want to start a family.
However, my DH is self employed and his business isn’t making as much as we hope it will in the future. It’s all extremely stressful for him (and our relationship tbh - as anyone who is married to a self employed DH I’m sure will appreciate) but, we are hopeful that things will turn around soon and I guess it’s all part and parcel of being self employed. That said, we are worried about money a lot of the time.
Other finances wise; we are lucky enough to own our own home (with a mortgage!) but, we do not have much by way of savings following the house purchase. I’ve been saving for future MatLeave (for whenever that may be) and have managed to save around 3k so far but that is all I have to my name cash wise. DH’s savings are also similarly modest after various business expenses. I think it’s fair to say that we live pretty much pay cheque to pay cheque, we haven’t had a holiday in years, and we really need a new (to us) car.....we don’t know how the one we have is still going lol!
On the plus side....we love each other very much and are very happy.
Work wise, I am a solicitor. I haven’t been fully qualified for long at all but I’ve finally achieved my goal of qualifying after A LOT of hard work and many many years of training.
My “problem” Is as follows.....
I’m currently employed by a good regional firm. However, my salary is very low for a solicitor; and for how hard I work!!
My currently salary is also extremely less than what I would be paid at a London firm if I got a job at one (I am commutable distance from London and it wouldn't add on too much travel time to my day).
My current firm offers excellent work life balance but because of that they get away with paying their staff lower than what we all deserve.
Current firm’s Maternity Package is also appallingly bad (for a law firm of its size), offering only marginally more than basic statutory.
DH and I had said that we would start TTC soon. HOWEVER, my current low salary and my employer’s rubbish maternity package has really been bothering me lately. I feel I’m being massively taken advantage of at work in terms of remuneration and benefits.
So, on a day when I was feeling particularly angry about the whole thing I sent my CV to a few recruiters and......I was asked in for an interview at a central London firm!
As DH and I had wanted to start TTC we discussed whether I should even go for the interview (which I didn’t honestly think I’d get invited for in the first place). we agreed that it is always nice to have options and that I should go to the interviews; it would be good experience and good interview practice at the very least!
So off I went for the interview and...
I got a second interview!! God knows how as I was really nervous. The firm seem fantastic and I really liked the partners who interviewed me and the role sounds great.
So I waited to hear and then I got a call from the recruiter....
I’ve only been offered the Job!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m in shock.
Then the next surprise.....the salary....I’ve been offered DOUBLE what I’m on now!!!!!
This new salary would literally be life changing for DH and I. We could;
•save a lot of money for maternity leave
•Take the pressure off DH who is so stressed it’s untrue. He has done so much for me during our relationship.....it would be amazing to be able to repay the favour!
But what do I do? We want to start a family so much. We are so ready and accepting this role would means putting that on hold.
It makes us very sad the thought of postponing our plans.
But would I/we be crazy to turn down this opportunity?
What would you do????? I do still want a family as soon as possible. I am almost 35 after all.
What do I do?
Thanks everyone....sorry again this was so long!!!
Take the job. You might take 6mths or so to get pregnant. You only have to be there x number of weeks to qualify for maternity pay. It would be silly not to.
Take the job. Your dh can always take parental leave instead of you if you are the higher earner. You would only be delaying TTC for a few months anyway.
Definitely take the job and don't look back. Congrats! Start ttc soon too, you never know what time it will take. Best of luck with both.
Definitely take the job, as one of the previous posters has said it might take you a while to get pregnant or worse case scenario you may not be able to conceive, at least with a higher paid job you would be able to save up for ivf. Additionally you'll need the higher salary to pay for childcare when you go back to work after maternity leave.
Take the job. 100%. Even if you get pregnant straight away its 8ish months before you leave for mat leave and you can even return after 6 weeks if you wanted!
Congratulations - you have earned it!
Take the job, as long as you have a reasonable sense that you’d recover the decent work life balance in your new job if you had maternity leave in the next year or two and then went back.
All the pay in the world isn’t worth much if your employer makes working conditions so tough that you struggle to return to work after kids! Do also keep in mind what commuting would look like around childcare.
It’s not all about pay - working conditions, hours, flexibility, commute are all hugely important after maternity leave. Unless you think your DH could do most of the childcare stuff, at least.
The new job sounds cracking and in your shoes I would probably do it. However I stuck with a low-paid, SMP-only role through two pregnancies and there have been assume changes to my pay and perks, and seniority, without losing the work-life balance, so don’t overlook trying to change your current place from the inside. It can be done!
For me it would be a no brainer- the baby. If you'll be financially stable enough to cope then don't put it off.
Job, defo. Its not that long before you would qualify for mat pay with them. I think basically as long as you aren't already pregnant when you start you get mat pay. So maybe do a month or two there then start TTC.
It sounds like your earning potential might be higher than your DH anyway so maybe have a chat with him about shared parental leave/him doing more childcare after you have a baby (fingers crossed)
Thank you everyone for your replies so far. It's so reassuring to be able to get everyone's opinion.....I'm so grateful for the replies.
So far job is in the lead lol!
Interesting what everyone is saying about TTC soon after starting the new role (if I do take it). My notice period in my current job is 3 months sadly (may be able to negotiate it down). But then what happened is you get pregnant without you are still in a probationary period? Do they still have to pay you maternity pay? (Employment law is not my area as you can tell!)
Take the job op! Well done.
Agree with pp that you will qualify for maternity in a few months anyway and you will already have your foot in the door.
Take a little baby moon, sort the car and then save what you can to make your future maternity leave as comfortable as possible.
Lastly- well done!
I can't see why you can't take the job and ttc. Maybe give it a few months in your new job first. I wouldn't personally want to be pregnant starting a new job because I'd want to enjoy settling in and focussing on work before that.
Take the job but find out if you would be eligible for paid mat leave under a years service. Congratulations!
I'd definitely take the new job, work and save for at least 1 year before TTC. I think you have to have been employed a year anyway before you are entitled to maternity pay, but I may be wrong.
34/35 is still young, if you have a baby now in the financial situation you're in you'll struggle to get out of it and the stress of poor finances and a new baby will likely tear you both apart.
Lots of women are having babies in their late 30's and 40's.
Wow OP I think I could’ve almost written your post (except the self employed DH)- I too am a not so well paid solicitor in a regional practice considering jobs in London, but also potentially TTC this year.
@RazzleDazz1e amazing!!!! It's such a small world isn't it! Haha wouldn't it be funny if we worked at the same firm? I wouldn't be surprised!
It's a tough decision...jumping ship that is....but my god we could use the money. I think it's made harder tho once you make that mental decision you are ready for kids and want them now....I guess I'm just caught up on the excitement of TTC that I'm scared to be sensible and take the job.
It's becoming more clear now with everyone's advice what I need to do! I do love MN!
Take the job. Save like buggery for the first six months, then TTC.
Think how much you'll resent your job if you have to go back quickly because your DH's business is still struggling and you need the money.
Or if you want to pay for things like pram, cot, clothes etc. and you have to watch every penny.
Worst case scenario: you work for London firm for a year or two. Realize you don't like the pressure, and head back to a regional firm, knowing that it's the best place for you.
Save as much of the extra money as you possibly can. It will help you & DH to be less stressed, buy things for a baby, and give you an option to go a few months without a job if one of you needs to switch work and wants some time out.
I was thinking exactly the same thing!
I love MN too- I’ve been a long time lurker but saw your post and thought I would take the plunge!
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