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Being turned over??

(3 Posts)
dowhat Thu 09-Nov-17 19:03:17

Really don’t know what topic this should sit in, so hoping for some honest feedback here.

My husband cheated on me last year with his best friend’s girlfriend. Not the first time he’s been unfaithful and it was the straw that broke my back. It coincided with me getting a promotion and taking over another department (effectively doubling my responsibility in an area I had no idea about).

Jan this year I had a breakdown – ended up in A&E being suicidal, but it wasn’t just me, I came to the (now) bizarre conclusion that I had to take my kids with me to spare their pain. I’m so ashamed. My dad died when I was 15 and I would NEVER put any child through that pain, but I was in a really weird place. Thankfully, I was lucky enough to speak to an amazing psychiatric nurse who undoubtedly saved my life.

I suffered constant emotional abuse over a year from DH whilst I went through the divorce process resulting in him accusing me of breaking up the family and hitting him and the children (which obviously I don’t). I was so low at that point I had so resilience or energy to keep going – with the divorce or life. I’m so ashamed. We’re still together.

I’ve been quite open with work, and they gave me two months full pay while I got myself together again, and then suggested I went part time with my boss taking up the additional responsibility which seems to have gone ok so far.

Last week, my boss told me he couldn’t take on the extra responsibility anymore and that my maternity cover would take over my role (from 4 years ago). I said I’d rather come back full time than see someone else do my job. It still feels like my job, it wasn’t my idea to go part time and I still do a lot of the day to day stuff that my boss can’t/doesn’t have capacity for. Don’t get me wrong, I have 3 children who I love spending more time with but I’m going further and further into the red as I’m the primary earner.

He told I’m not the right person for the role, despite doing it well for 5 years and then getting a promotion.

So now I feel so shit. I’m with a bloke I can’t leave because he’ll threaten all sorts, I have no career, no money and feel like I’ve been dumped on by everyone that could dump on me.

The last thing I had was some sort of respect at work, but I’m having to watch someone else do my job in front of me – and she’s got virtually no experience to do the job.

WWYD???

daisychain01 Thu 09-Nov-17 21:06:24

I don’t have sufficient expertise is some of your complex problems, although it sounds like you have significant challenges in your life which would make it extremely difficult to focus on a demanding full time role.

In your position, I would get your company’s occupational health department involved, if there is one, and try to rehabilitate yourself by showing you are taking some serious steps towards getting things back on track.

Your boss sounds like he has tried to be supportive, but now needs to keep things moving in his department. Although it’s difficult to see someone else doing your role, you need to be realistic about the demands of the job on your health.

You do have employment rights, you can’t just be dismissed without undergoing a formal process of capability/absence management but you need to discuss your options openly to determine exactly what should happen next.

DancesWithOtters Thu 09-Nov-17 21:10:25

Oh dear OP. I don't know what advice to give but sending flowersflowersflowers

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