Work colleague

(56 Posts)
Walkingdead11 Sun 29-Oct-17 15:48:20

I work with a man who has ADHD. This week he berated me in front of a customer, to the extent that the customer got involved in calling him out on his behaviour. This has been an ongoing issue for 2 years, he is argumentative, belligerent and controlling. He is my equal at work and this last incident has tipped me over the edge and I am off with depression and stress. I do have other issues going on at the moment and simply cannot cope with this man any longer. My manager is of the opinion that this man is annoying (he gets annoyed too) but that the man in question cannot help it because of his condition and I need to sick it up and ignore him.....I can no longer do this. What can I do? I love my job and get on with everybody else.

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GoingCrazy21 Sun 29-Oct-17 15:52:06

Is there an HR department or someone above your management you can go to? Or make a formal, official complaint to your manager, they might take it more seriously that way.

Sorry you’re off with stress OP flowers

Gingernaut Sun 29-Oct-17 15:53:15

The man does not have a Get Out of Jail Free card.

ADHD is a condition which can be considered a disability, but if it inpairs his ability to do his job, then steps have to be taken.

Reasonable adjustments have to be made, but if he is so incapable of behaving in a civil manner to the point he pisses the customers off, then capability proceedings have to be initiated and ultimately he may lose his job.

Disability doesn't make incompetent aresholes bulletproof.

Walkingdead11 Sun 29-Oct-17 16:20:48

No HR department, it's a relatively small company. I could involve the owner who already has tried to get rid of this man but he is protected by my two managers who are incredibly nice people and feel sorry for him. If I went over their heads I would then become public enemy No 1....I feel it's a no win situation. I am off next week and they will be short staffed, I feel incredibly guilty over that and my anxiety is through the roof. I think in reality my only option is to leave. It just seems so unfair when I haven't done anything wrong.

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butterfly56 Sun 29-Oct-17 17:26:23

Does he behave like this with everyone including customers. Or is his behaviour mainly aimed at you?

Walkingdead11 Sun 29-Oct-17 17:33:51

No everyone.

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Walkingdead11 Sun 29-Oct-17 17:43:10

Though I have noticed he is more argumentative and condescending to women.

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butterfly56 Sun 29-Oct-17 20:47:49

So he can modify his behaviour towards men which means he has probably more control over his behaviour.
The managers seem as though they are making too many allowances and minimising his effect on other employees.
He is accountable for his own behaviour as an employee and the managers have a duty of care to ensure all the employees are treated fairly and are not subjected to bullying which is what he is being allowed to get away with.
Whilst you are off sick write a detailed account of what has gone on over the past 2years with this man's behaviour.
Ask for an appointment with the Company Owner to discuss this situation. Or if you do not feel comfortable talking to him send him your report with a letter.
He needs written evidence if he is going to be able to do anything about it. flowers

Walkingdead11 Mon 30-Oct-17 09:25:37

I'm off sick this week, we don't get paid sick leave though I have a contract. I know I can self certificate for 7 days but what about if I am off longer?

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Walkingdead11 Wed 01-Nov-17 10:13:44

I'm back at work next week and want advice on the best course of action please.

I intend to tell my managers that I will no longer tolerate ANY misdemeaners from my colleague which will include not being told what to do by him, not being shouted at and not being spoken to in a condescending manner. He is also very messy, and doesn't tidy up after himself which impacts on the rest of the team. He gets away with that too. I will also be informing them that in any incidence of those situations, I will raise a formal grievance. Is that acceptable?

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Walkingdead11 Wed 01-Nov-17 19:35:27

Any advice greatly appreciated.

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daisychain01 Wed 01-Nov-17 21:40:04

If you are a Contract worker as opposed to a permanent member of staff, you are not in a strong position. It sounds like you need to take a step back from the situation- apart from being a bit annoying and probably “mouthy” he hasn’t done anything that would warrant a grievance, unless there is other stuff you haven’t mentioned.

You’d be better off having a quiet word with him, and try to sort it out informally. We all have to work with people who are a pain in the bum. That’s unfortunately the downside of working in organisations.

Walkingdead11 Wed 01-Nov-17 22:09:55

I'm a permanent member of staff. He's had several instances of ranting at customers and other members of staff, especially our female manager who he argues with frequently. They put up with it..... because of his condition. I won't and nor should I have to. I've made it very clear to him that I will not put up with anymore of it, I just needed my managers to back me up but it would seem they are unwilling to do so, because of his condition.

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greendale17 Wed 01-Nov-17 22:15:21

Sounds like management put up with it in case of repercussions because he has ADHD

Walkingdead11 Wed 01-Nov-17 22:21:42

Maybe, he did have a kind of mini breakdown at work in the beginning. Either way I really don't give a shit because now he's affecting me! I just want to be treated with respect and equality, not more just equal. I'm dreading going back next week.

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ThePinkPanter Wed 01-Nov-17 22:27:18

With respect if he is having difficulty keeping in the normal boundaries of acceptability because of his ADHD then it is reasonable to expect management to be more tolerant.

Walkingdead11 Wed 01-Nov-17 22:35:42

Well I'm depressed, have anxiety and sm perimenpausal so I'll be getting the extra tolerance then??

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ThePinkPanter Wed 01-Nov-17 22:50:02

Equality isn't equity - your employer needs to strike a balance to ensure no-one is anymore disadvantaged than their colleagues due to their disability. Your depression and anxiety should be considered as much as his ADHD but that doesn't mean you should be treated the same.

Walkingdead11 Wed 01-Nov-17 23:20:21

My point is that I don't ask for more, I don't bring my issues to the workplace because they are MY responsibility.....his disability is HIS responsibility and he has no right to abuse me because of it. If this man was my partner I'd be getting told to LTB and his condition wouldn't come into it. He needs to learn how to behave appropriately and my managers need to learn to hold him accountable.

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daisychain01 Thu 02-Nov-17 04:26:05

He needs to learn how to behave appropriately and my managers need to learn to hold him accountable

You seem determined to say your piece so go ahead and raise a Grievance. I can understand you getting to the end of your tether but if I were you I’d be a bit more measured than you are on this thread. If you come across “ranty” it will erode your case and you’ll end up rubbing management up the wrong way. They are in a difficult situation and as I previously said, you should at least try to address your concerns with the colleague informally, and try to at least have some compassion. He clearly has behaviour difficulties, no matter how unbearable he comes across to you.

Supermagicsmile Thu 02-Nov-17 04:49:41

Your suggestion sounds perfectly acceptable to me smile

Melony6 Thu 02-Nov-17 04:57:32

Could there be sexism in his behaviour? Are people allowed to be more aggressive to women if they have ADHD?
Are you in contact with him more than other staff?

ThePinkPanter Thu 02-Nov-17 08:30:53

If his behaviour is due to his disability then he can't just change it. That's the nature of a disability - he can't control it. In all honesty whether he's being a tool or not, demanding someone with a learning disability should be made change their behaviour is not a good idea.

InternetHoopJumper Thu 02-Nov-17 09:02:59

Him being an asshole because of his ADHD is bullshit. I have known plenty of people with ADHD and none of them act like the way you describe. I don't even think it's part of the diagnosis. (Sounds more like ASD to me, but even for that such behavior would be extreme).

Does your coworker even have an official diagnosis?

Furthermore, right now you can't work. So you can either become "public enemy #1" or you can be disabled due to stress for a very long time. If this job is not sustainable I'd go for the "nuclear" option and go over their heads to at least get this addressed. They may even thank you for it, because they did not have the guts to do it themselves.

Walkingdead11 Thu 02-Nov-17 09:09:08


It seems that you are basically saying that myself and sometimes the customers have to put uo with shouty aggressive behaviour because this man has a disability?? Sorry but I don't agree. He's always had his worst shouty rants when neither of the managers are there, which means he knows exactly what he is doing. He is a man trying to dominate a woman who just happens to have ADHD.

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