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Feel devastated - manager says colleagues hate me

(31 Posts)
Taxminion Wed 27-Sep-17 18:49:03

I had my mid year review today. It was basically a character assassination. I am very good at my job and my manager acknowledged that. She also said that all my colleagues and other teams that sit nearby dislike me. That I am rude and talk over people and forced someone to leave the team. That I give good feedback to people falsely and need retraining in doing so. I think it is partly explained by her bullying of two colleagues who I am supporting. I asked for a managed move to another team but she said I will have to organise it myself.

I feel absolutely devastated and have been crying for hours. I have worked for the organisation for over 15 years and nothing like this previously. My last end of year appraisal was at top marking.

Off for two days on leave but will call union on Monday for advice. Work in HMRC so no local HR dept and I don't trust my managers manager.

I just feel awful that people I like and respect have such a low opinion of me.

Gizlotsmum Wed 27-Sep-17 18:52:11

Are you sure it’s your colleagues that dislike you and not your manager? If these issues are genuine they should have been raised earlier ( And as they happened)

NotSureIfiAmWell Wed 27-Sep-17 18:53:28

So you really think they have or is it just this manager trying to cause you issues?

Taxminion Wed 27-Sep-17 18:54:08

Yes I know, but she remarked on incidents she said she had witnessed and that colleagues were afraid to speak in front of me.

I have been having panic attacks over the last week or so and have been prescribed beta blockers.

flumpybear Wed 27-Sep-17 18:54:38

If you think it's constructive and may actually be true then you need to sort yourself out

If you think it's something else you need to go higher and tel them you feel bullying to discredit you is happenjng and you want it dealt with confidentially - can you go to your HR department? Are you in a union?

Taxminion Wed 27-Sep-17 18:54:50

I honestly don't know - she is vile - but she definitely has this opinion of me.

MyBrilliantDisguise Wed 27-Sep-17 18:54:58

It must have been really hard to hear that.

Is there any truth at all?

Are you rude to people? A bit too abrupt?

Do you talk over people?

Did someone leave the team because of you?

Taxminion Wed 27-Sep-17 18:55:18

Yes will go to union on Monday when next in.

flumpybear Wed 27-Sep-17 18:56:24

Do you work for a large organisation like the NHS etc?

flumpybear Wed 27-Sep-17 18:56:58

Phone the union tomorrow don't put it off you'll just be unhappy all weekend you need to sort this out

Taxminion Wed 27-Sep-17 18:57:07

No I don't think any of it is true. I actually interviewed the person who left (on a sideways move), it was on promotion and she really struggled. I only saw her once afterwards but manager said she took offence at something I said in a telecon.

Taxminion Wed 27-Sep-17 18:57:26

Yes, civil servant - HMRC

Taxminion Wed 27-Sep-17 18:57:55

I am going overseas tomorrow to visit family and can't call until Monday.

pigeondujour Wed 27-Sep-17 19:23:07

God OP, that's awful. She sounds really cruel. Can you talk to your SRO about it? This is the trouble with the appraisal system - there's no accounting for nasty managers.

Taxminion Wed 27-Sep-17 19:28:06

Thanks. I don't trust my managers manager and her manager is really unpleasant. I will speak to the union rep. This manager is new to our organisation and appears to think she can say anything. She told my colleague I had given her negative feedback about him which wa utterly untrue.

BenLui Wed 27-Sep-17 19:28:53

Personally, I’d start very quietly individually meeting with or going for coffee with the people she said hates you.

Talk to them gently and politely and say that you are working on a personal development plan and ask for their feedback and input. See what they say. If they only say positive things say “X mentioned that you had concerns about Y”

Collect data and they make a determination about how to proceed. If it’s all made up rubbish, in your appraisal that’s pretty serious and take your complaint to HR .

Taxminion Wed 27-Sep-17 19:32:46

Thanks Ben that is a good suggestion. Some of them are located in another office though, so a slow process.
I love my job but I don't feel I can continue. I might try and get a managed move but will seek advice from my Union.

Wolfcub Wed 27-Sep-17 19:51:09

I would say a managed move would be difficult without a proven concern. I think Ben's plan is ok but be prepared that your colleagues may not be honest when confronted, however nicely, and could see it as intimidation from you. You need to play it very carefully

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Wed 27-Sep-17 20:01:21

If you're supporting two colleagues that have complained of being bullied by her, then surely that's two colleagues that don't "hate" you. They must appreciate your help? confused

I'm shocked at the way you've been spoken to. It sounds like a very personal attack. You have my sympathy. I think the fact that you're having panic attacks over this and are deeply upset show you're not the callous rude person she is describing.

You're very good at your job and have had no complaints for 15 years for goodness sake. How awful you've been made to feel like this. sad

kooshbin Wed 27-Sep-17 22:09:11

Wait a minute - 15+ years of excellence, and suddenly (new manager) you're the worst ever?

I don't just smell a rat, I smell a big stinky rat.

Get your union involved. A good union rep will want to get her/his teeth into this one. This isn't a minor disagreement, it's outright nasty bullying.

Jbck Wed 27-Sep-17 23:22:33

Taxminion, have pmd you.

Lily2007 Fri 29-Sep-17 19:48:55

I had a manager once do something similar. He said I had upset colleagues and tried to mark me down in my appraisal.

He had previously been trying to start an affair with me whilst his wife was pregnant and had got quite angry when I started avoiding him.

I checked with the "upset" colleagues and they weren't upset in the slightest and one said she found him very unstable. I then spoke to my manager's manager and it got sorted. It's difficult but I would check with the colleagues and if untrue either go via their manager or HR or look for a move elsewhere. In my case the manager moved and asked me to go with him to his new workplace which I didn't.

IrritatedUser1960 Fri 29-Sep-17 19:55:54

I worked for a woman like this, ghastly. had a massive grudge against anyone educated, staff always crying in toilets etc.
In the end I decided the best career move was to leave after finding another better job. When I said I was leaving she never spoke to me again so I didn't invite her to my leaving do.
It was the best decision I ever made, people I kept in touch with said she ramped up the abuse after I left and made all their lives hell.

TheLegendOfBeans Fri 29-Sep-17 19:57:48

She's doing the classic "divide and rule" tactic OP.

Be wary.

daisychain01 Sat 30-Sep-17 06:39:30

Stuff in appraisals are often just "noise", a distraction from getting on with the job.

I take most comments in appraisals with a massive pinch of salt. It can create a toxic environment with everyone trying to ge one over on colleagues who've done nothing wrong, just trying to do their job.

I'd love to do research into The empty box syndrome and whether it affects people's judgement - e.g. They give you a box for comments on "how this employee should do things better" - does that force the person to have to think of negative disparaging comments just because there's a box to fill in.....

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