How do I move past promotion disappointment?

(24 Posts)
MakeTeaNotWar Sat 05-Aug-17 03:15:04

I interviewed for a newly created senior role in my team. I have years of experience in the business and am a valued team member, highly respected, always have good feedback.

I felt the interview went well and I was happy with the presentation.
However I didn't get the role.

I am disappointed and embarrassed and not sure what to do going forwards. There is lots that I love about the job so don't want to make a rash decision to resign, but equally I feel my future is uncertain. How do I move past this?

OP’s posts: |
TrishanFlips Sat 05-Aug-17 03:28:47

First step discuss the situation with your manager. Try to find out what opportunities there will be in the future. Then just carry on while keeping an eye-out for other opportunities. Why has it hit you so hard?

MakeTeaNotWar Sat 05-Aug-17 03:34:45

Manager is now on two weeks leave but I can go through feedback notes with HR on Monday.

I really thought I had the best chance and in fact, felt I was doing the senior role anyway so am humiliated that someone I support daily has been appointed over me - of course I'll congratulate her on her success but it's a bitter pill to swallow.

OP’s posts: |
Timefortea99 Sat 05-Aug-17 03:43:21

Don't knee jerk. Find out why you were not deemed suitable. And if there will be any other promotions coming up. If the feedback you get is a crock of shit/and there are no further opportunities - disengage and concentrate your efforts on getting a new job. Don't resign. It is disappointing but I have seen lots of people get promotions under baffling circumstances when the candidate you would think would walk it does not get the job. It's life, I am afraid. Don't be at all embarrassed.

Kursk Sat 05-Aug-17 03:54:54

Have you considered that your management consider that you are doing you existing role very well and don't want to "loose" you.

Sometimes you can be so good at what you do it prevents promotion

daisychain01 Sat 05-Aug-17 05:18:20

If you've been in the role several years, and you want advancement, think about looking elsewhere.

Sometimes you can be so good at your job, management don't want to lose you so they stunt your progression because the benefit of the status quo, keeping you in your current role, means more to them than seeing you right. It's a selfish form of management, especially if they know you are eager to develop your experience.

Best approach is to move around every 2-3 years, before you get pigeon holed.

VisitorFromAlphaStation Sat 05-Aug-17 05:37:34

The role you mention is newly created, which probably means it's not "set" and nobody has performed it before. The person who got the job will have to do all the grunt work of setting up new routines and answering to the management of the company. You have no idea how long they will stay in that job, they might leave within the next six months for all that you know. Don't be rushed into making a decision about your job situation too quickly.

Moanyoldcow Sat 05-Aug-17 14:48:55

I was about to post was Daisy wrote - it's very common for managers to be shortsighted and not promote people who they feel are invaluable in their current role.

Certainly get the feedback but have a think about whether it's time to move on if you want real progression.

TheSnowFairy Sun 06-Aug-17 14:49:04

I recently went for an internal promotion and didn't get it, it went to an external candidate.

When I found out I didn't get it I went straight to a quiet room and texted my colleagues - so much easier than telling everyone f2f!

My HT (work in a school) told me why I hadn't got it, it was experience in a field I didn't have, and she did say if I wanted that I might have to think about moving elsewhere as they couldn't offer it.

I thought long and hard about whether to leave and apply elsewhere but at the moment, the hours suit me to a t (term time only, p/t) so that has outweighed anything else for now.

lastuseraccount123 Mon 07-Aug-17 03:34:22

I agree with Kursk and the others. I've seen this happen to other people who were very competent in their role - basically hard to replace. No one wants them to move out of their role because they're so competent and it's hard to find good people.

Definitely sleep on it before you make a decision, but yes, maybe start looking around and seeing what else is out there. Maybe a job offer from another company will give them the kick up the ass they need.

scaryclown Mon 07-Aug-17 03:42:07

I feel for you, I have so often seen roles go to people unsuited for them ahead of people who'd be perfect for the role. To me it's an interviewing failure not a candidate failure. I normally give companies three strikes to make use of my higher skills then look elsewhere. To me stagnating employees behind their development curve is never productive.

LadyLapsang Mon 07-Aug-17 20:50:27

You mention you are supporting the person who has been appointed, if she is new to the firm / team, do you think they see her career trajectory differently from yours?

MakeTeaNotWar Sat 12-Aug-17 11:08:53

Thank you for all your considered replies, it's given me much to think about.

I had my feedback session yesterday with HR and the 2 x interviewers and it turned out that the interview was a car crash. I had scored well on my pre-prepared presentation but on the competency questions, I achieved very poor scores indeed. In fact I was the weakest of the 4 applicants and the comments were all around my answers being nebulous and fluffy.

I am horrified that I got it so badly wrong, In fact, I thought I had handled myself quite well in the interview. It's been a real kick in the teeth and I'm not sure what the next move is. I really love the job and don't especially want to move on but my confidence is shot and I feel a right twit for believing I was perfect for the role.

Thankfully I have annual leave coming up so some distance will help as I lick my wounds. I know that there are learnings to be had from the interview feedback but at the moment, I occupy an uncomfortable position in the team.

OP’s posts: |
MuchasSmoochas Sat 12-Aug-17 11:13:13

Yes it's a rotten feeling. Remember as well that if the person who got the job is currently on a higher salary than you they might be saving by appointing him or her, as there will be less of an uplift. Sometimes internal jobs are decided before the interviews.

Brighteyes27 Sat 12-Aug-17 11:23:01

MakeTeaNotWar I have had a similar position very recently it wasn't a promotion but a sideways step but I thought I had the perfect background, skills, qualities, experience (as did all my colleagues and on paper I did have).
Like you I didn't get the job but a person newly promoted to my grade older than me in her late fifties (I am early fifties) with no experience of the work got the job!!!
I was speechless. I was on leave the day after so I am waiting for feedback and expect it to be similar to yours.
I felt very hurt two weeks ago but having had time to think, time off, I think I may have dodged a bullet with that role.
Like others I have known some excellent people miss out on jobs to much less excellent people. Give yourself some time away from the workplace on leave and see how you feel in a months time. Take care.

LittleCandle Sat 12-Aug-17 11:30:19

I had this at the end of last year. When I applied, it was internal candidates only. When I went into the interview, it was external candidates as well. I knew from the moment I went in that I stood no chance. A colleague who also went for the positions (there were 2) did a short shift before the interview and left immediately afterwards. I did a longer shift before and had another 4 hours to do after the interview. It was hard to go and do my job after the interview, knowing that I had not got the position, even though I wasn't told for several days.

I have been looking for another job since, but have had no luck. I am still resentful, especially as the person who got the position left after less than 6 months, and the company has cut the number of hours for our staff and this position is not being offered anymore. Like you, on one hand I was being told I was the most reliable staff member bar none, but then told I wasn't good enough to do the extra hours in this job, although I am always the first person they call on when the hours are available. It rankles, but I had to suck it up and try and find what enjoyment I could, because otherwise I was making myself and my colleagues miserable.

daisychain01 Sat 12-Aug-17 15:23:23

maketea sometimes an awful experience like this can make you question yourself and maybe even make you feel you 'aren't as good as you think you are'. Please don't doubt yourself. Putting yourself on the line, taking a risk, feeling the fear and all that, is bold. Coming back from deep disappointment can develop your leadership muscle.

Maybe you didn't do as "badly" as the feedback suggests, it was just you didn't give what was needed on that day, and someone else did. Calling your answers nebulous and fluffy sounds quite vague, unless they gave specific examples about what they meant by that, hopefully they gave some clues to help you formulate future responses with very crystal clear illustrations rather than (maybe?) being too theoretical which didn't spotlight your expertise sufficiently.

The only way is up - other opportunities will come your way, this won't be your one and only chance, even though it feels like it is atm.

allaboutthatsass Sat 12-Aug-17 15:41:32


You're situation is pretty identical to the one I'm in. I'm going to try again as the person handed her notice in after 3 weeks. I don't expect to be successful the second time either but nothing ventured etc

tribpot Sat 12-Aug-17 15:49:10

I can understand why this is upsetting for you, but actually it sounds like the feedback was not around your competence to do the work, but your skill at doing interviews. It's a bit like exam results - doing well essentially proves you're good at exams, not good at maths or whatever.

I'm actually reviewing a bid response some of my team have done at the moment and I think they've fallen into a similar trap. The questions call for detailed, specific answers and they've written fluffy, 'sales' speak. Do you think maybe that's what you did too? Understanding the format and expectation of the interview is half the battle. Of course there's always an aspect of selling yourself as part of an interview but it's judging what the right mix is.

Looking back now, can you think how you would answer the questions differently? I think you need to discuss this with the hiring manager when he/she is back from leave.

As this has come as a surprise to you, that's also something to explore. Have you not been interviewed or been an interviewer recently? Or was this style different from what you'd experienced before? In either case, can you look to gain further interview experience, preferably as an interviewer?

I would look on this as an opportunity to demonstrate resilience and ambition to the hiring manager. I would say you're disappointed that you didn't perform well enough to be considered and you're very keen to put in the work to get to the next level. If the manager is half decent, he/she will work with you to create an action plan (possibly as part of your appraisal?) to get you there next time a job crops up.

It sounds like you're also worried about what other people will think - did the team know you had applied? Did they think you were a shoo-in as well? I think you can frame this as having done a bad interview and needing more practice, you don't have to labour it with them. I assume you're now going to have to work for the person who did get the job - I'd maybe clear the air right at the beginning with them, so they know you applied and didn't ace the interview, but you are a professional who will work with them to make the role a success. Maybe worth highlighting as well, though, that you will be looking around for a similar role.

All in all I'd have one good wallow in your disappointment, then suit up and get back in there to get the most out of this opportunity.

jelliebelly Sat 12-Aug-17 15:54:46

At least you know now where it went wrong - and can prepare better for the next interview you have. Interview skills differ to practical ability to do the job. Google competency based interview techniques for guidance. You'll move past the disappointment but if you want to progress you need to take the feedback on board.

StealthPolarBear Sat 12-Aug-17 15:55:28

Op I'm in a similar position except that I knew the interview had let me down, I got feedback that my presentation was by far and away the best. I a torn. I love my job and there isn't any other company where I could do the same job. I am well paid for what I do but I am still on the bottom of my pay grade despite doing the job for 6 years. Suspect I'll just have to hold on and wait for more opportunities but it's hard.

RedBlu Tue 05-Sep-17 13:59:49

I have experienced similar, twice.

First was a promotion in our team, a newly created role - I was heavily encouraged by my boss to go for it as I was "perfect" for the role but I had doubts as the role required a skill I did not have. However, I went for it, did a really good interview but turned me down due to not having the skill required hmm

I felt totally humiliated as everyone in my team knew I had gone for it, got over it eventually but I lost respect for my boss as I felt he knew he wouldn't give me the job but still encouraged me to go for it. Did have a happy ending though as I got a pay rise which exceeded the starting salary of the role I didn't get.

Second time, again newly created role but not within my team - I was actually asked to apply by the head of the department - even got told the role has been basically created for me. Imagine my shock when they went with the other candidate. Apparently the other person had previous experience in something they thought would be useful but it wasn't something they had specified on the role profile.

That seriously pissed me off and caused quite a bad atmosphere with my boss as he obviously knew I had gone for the other job.... things are still a bit strained so I am still angry at the people who encouraged me to go for it who basically told me the job was mine then shafted me and left me in a dodgy position!

I have given up on applying for roles now, just focusing on what I do and will only go for something bloody spectacular now!

EmeraldIsle100 Tue 05-Sep-17 14:14:19

I have been in the same situation. I was encouraged to apply for the job which I was actually covering for and was doing a very good job and got great feedback. The interview went fine and I was shocked when I didn't get it. They didn't tell me for a week but my boss avoided me like the plague so it was obvious.

The job went to an external candidate who turned out to be rubbish and she left in a few months.

I was completly humiliated and it took me a long time to get over it. Years later one of the panel members told me that all the panel members bar one favoured me. The one panel member who didn't had a husband who was a longterm best friend of the successful candidate's husband. Hearing this annoyed me but at least it made sense.

I feel for you OP I really do. It is their loss!

Knottyash5 Tue 05-Sep-17 21:13:46

my confidence is shot and I feel a right twit for believing I was perfect for the role

don't be. You messed up an interview. That doesn't mean that you would not have been perfect for the role. I'd get some interview coaching (doesn't have to be anything formal, ask a friend or a colleague who doesn't work directly with you) and then reapply for the next role you are interested in. Don't let it knock your confidence. It's only an interview.

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