Going part time, me and DP don't seem to agree

(25 Posts)
Jumble27 Fri 16-Jun-17 07:19:19

I think I need some impartial advice as at the moment me and DP don't agree.

I've been in a new job working full time for the past 6 months. I don't really enjoy it (still get that awful anxiety going in after a day off) but I have learnt a lot and I feel it has opened more doors for me.

I work 35 hours per week and earn slightly more than DP. The opportunity has come up to switch to a new role in one of our branches, which is something I definitely want to do (I work in the call centre at the moment where it seems very difficult to progress). I absolutely prefer being customer facing and really want this job!

The pros are:
Average 19.5 hours per week
No working later than 5pm (at the moment I do shift work and the latest I finish is 8pm)
Part time so more time to spend with DD as she starts school in September
More time at home to keep on top of household stuff
Opportunity to learn more about the business and develop new skills
My ideal branch job came up in my local town, full time with a 10 minute walk to work but the job went elsewhere so if I went for the part time position it's a foot in the door and I can hope that a full time position comes along or ask to do any overtime to increase my income

The cons are:
Halving my hours which is a fairly substantial drop in wages (I know we can adjust our tax credits but i don't want to rely on tax credits for money when the rules can change in an instant)
Not much opportunity to save money
DP doesn't seem supportive of me going part time. Since I started my new job we've been able to save a substantial amount each month and have both opened Lifetime ISAs to start saving towards a deposit. We both desperately want to own our own home and the drop in wage means this will take so much longer.
We had decided to start TTC for baby number 2 but with changing to part time I worry so much about money and whether we'd be doing the right thing if we put off buying our own home. So we've put that off for now while I'm reassessing my job situation. If I did have the part time hours having a second child would be more manageable in terms of childcare

I feel like I just need someone to tell me what to do. I really want this branch job, I really want a chance to have a better work life balance. I want to have a better routine for my DD when she starts school instead of relying on our (absolutely fantastic!) family to pick her up and put her to bed when I'm on a late shift. The only problem is DP isn't fully supportive and I do worry about ever being able to save for a deposit.

Please can you tell me what you would do in this situation? I'm jumping the gun as usual, I will probably be up against lots of other people for the job so might not even get it but I'm evaluating the what ifs!

Sorry for waffling blush

OP’s posts: |
notanurse2017 Fri 16-Jun-17 07:22:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IrritatedUser1960 Fri 16-Jun-17 07:22:58

I would stay in my full time job. You will never save for a house working 19.5 hours or save any decent money.
Also it will affect your pension. You should be working full time until you are settled and have the things you need.
I didn't go part time until I was 54 and had paid off my mortgage.
You need to have a word with your partner about sharing household tasks more evenly, you can't be expected to do everything if you are working full time.

noblegiraffe Fri 16-Jun-17 07:26:10

If in six months already a couple of branch positions have come up then it doesn't sound like this is your only chance to move to a branch? If you are TTC you need to remember part time wages will affect your maternity pay too.

With the money aspect it doesn't sound like you are in the right place to drop your hours and you really want the job not the hours.

I'd consider waiting till after baby 2 before going part time.

Jumble27 Fri 16-Jun-17 08:00:11

Thank you all for your insight! I know full time is the most sensible thing to do, the shifts are the only thing that makes it difficult. Luckily though we do have great help from family, but I'll not stop feeling that guilt whenever DD asks who is looking after her that day and me saying I go to work to earn the pennies for her sad

There's a part of me that is resentful of DP as well, he does 30 hours over 3-4 days and works so hard. But he keeps saying he wants to get a job that pays more (he is zero hour contract at NMW) but so far he has only applied for one job. I think we need to sit down and go through all the job sites together and see if there is anything he would like.

And definitely I think we need to talk about household duties, he is a good cook and likes cooking (unlike me!) but I don't think he sees the jobs I see.

If I did go part time we would put off TTC because of the finances. I'm just uncertain about the chances of going back to my old job part time if we were lucky enough to have another baby, there is the possibility of compressing my hours and doing longer days but still leaves me with the late shifts (DP also does late shifts until 9pm so would still need to rely on people for childcare)

Thanks again for your insight, I think I will wait until my manager is back from annual leave and bring up the possibility of flexible working with her.

OP’s posts: |
Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes Fri 16-Jun-17 08:06:12

I'd stay full time till baby 2 comes along, maternity leave is taken and hopefully house deposit is saved too. While it's nice to be part time in the early years in some ways its better when they are a bit older and doing after school activities, homework etc.

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes Fri 16-Jun-17 08:10:32

Also more pension contributions early on in your career is far better than playing catch-up later.

Jumble27 Fri 16-Jun-17 08:23:34

@Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes the pension is another worry, I've only started paying into a pension when I started this job, I'd never really thought about it too much before then but now I'm a lot more concerned about my future financially and do worry that I won't have enough.

One thing we are considering if seeing if my DP could get a job where I work. We are recruiting all the time (and I get the idea they're not too fussy, probably why I got the job grin) and then we could both keep working full time and work opposite shifts so one of us can always do the drop off and the other can do the pick up most of the time (there would be one week we would both be finished too late to pick DD up so would rely on family)

Ugh sometimes I hate being a grown up!

OP’s posts: |
Zebrasinpyjamas Fri 16-Jun-17 08:28:32

Can you ask your manager how often branch jobs come up and how likely you would be at getting it? Eg if they know they are rare and very popular vs come up every few months and not so many applicants? If nothing else, it might make waiting for a full time opportunity a bit easier if you knew it could come up soon!

Jumble27 Fri 16-Jun-17 08:39:27

Hi @Zebrasinpyjamas I will definitely ask. I only found out about the full time branch position by chance when I was browsing Indeed, I have a feeling they're not too common (although the 2 branch roles coming up in one month might suggest otherwise)

It's just gutting because the full time branch job would have been PERFECT sad

I can either bide my time and wait for another full time position to crop up, or if I get the part time branch role get the experience and hope that an opportunity for full time crops up with them or another organisation comes up.

I've literally just had a call with Virgin where I had to turn their branch role job offer down as I wasn't aware until I was in the interview that the part time position there was temporary! I asked them to keep me in mind for any permanent roles but I think I've blown it with them!

OP’s posts: |
SummerMummy88 Fri 16-Jun-17 08:45:47

I would go part time for sure, there is nothing worse than doing a job you hate day in day out. It's only money at the end of the day.

NoahPinnyon Fri 16-Jun-17 08:47:25

What does your DP do on the 3 or 4 days per week he's not working?

PaintingOwls Fri 16-Jun-17 08:47:42

If a house is important to you, stay in full time work. You would be a fool to give up full time work without a very good reason.

Also you said you saved a substantial amount, but then talk about working for pennies when your daughter asks who will be looking after her — which is it then, £ or £££?

Spending time with your DD and walking to work are nice to haves, not essentials, whereas a house is pretty essential.

And as for sitting with your DP and searching for a job for him together confused is he your teenage son? He can do that himself, and he should be doing at least 50-60% of the house chores if he's part time and your FT.

You seem to be focusing on making a big, dramatic change when actually a few small changes can improve your life.

PaintingOwls Fri 16-Jun-17 08:49:27

You're* ffs

Also no need to feel guilty about your DD. Kids adapt, she's probably just checking who will be looking after her out of curiosity rather than childhood emotional trauma.

TheClacksAreDown Fri 16-Jun-17 08:51:20

This is what I would do. Contact the branch manager of the local branch. Explain that you are keen to move into the branch network and ask him/her to let you know when full time jobs come up. You could go further and ask if you could do a little work shadowing or come and meet them informally.

scaryclown Fri 16-Jun-17 08:57:28

I think it depends.. If your extra time at home means better organised house, lower planned food and other expenditure and more time to shop around for better energy prices, make sure spending never incurs charges and planning weekends better, all that will help. When I was unemployed, I estimated good food and spending planning saved around £4000 a year.. If I were you I would call the branch hiring manager and talk about full time and flexibility talk to call centre manager about doing some call centre shifts either regularly or in bust periods and ask for a development conversation asking for some branch hours to develop.. You might end up with the best of both worlds..

Jumble27 Fri 16-Jun-17 09:13:50

@PaintingOwls it's just something I say to DD, when she asks why I'm going to work I tell her mummy goes to work to earn the pennies, to buy the presents. My job is not tremendous pay by any means, but I've spent the past 10 years in NMW part time roles. When I got this job our outgoings stayed the same but my wage went up, so I've been able to save the difference (which helps when you work for a bank and realise you're a fool not to have saved earlier when you had the chance!)

DP is not a child no, but he's become complacent with his job and I want to try and help him get the confidence to put himself out there instead of staying in a job he's comfortable in but dislikes.

@scaryclown It had crossed my mind that I could request a regular shift each week in the Call Centre, that way I'd keep my knowledge and skills up to date. I just need to find out if that's something they could accommodate or not. smile

OP’s posts: |
flowery Fri 16-Jun-17 10:51:40

If your DP is working part time on a zero hours contract at minimum wage, surely you're not in a financial position where you can choose to work part time? Surely you need at least one guaranteed full time wage?

user1495915742 Fri 16-Jun-17 11:24:44

I think you would be better to stick with the full time job with a view to moving to the branch job at a later date. Hopefully when a full time one comes up. In the meantime, make contact with the branch and express an interest. It could be that your enthusiasm swings it and something comes up sooner than you think. This has happened to me on more than one occasion!

Your DH really needs to get something better than a zero hours NMW job if you are to have any chance of a secure financial future. Zero hours contracts boil my blood. One of the many reasons I voted Labour!!!

daisychain01 Fri 16-Jun-17 14:58:17

Jumble, have you and your DP checked to make sure your are fully up to date with your National Insurance? It will make a big difference to your retirement pot if you are both paid up to date. Set up an account on line and it shows you every year since you started work. DH and I checked ours for the first time and it highlighted that he was 2 years short which he's now paid.

Stick to your FT role for now, by the sounds of your current joint set up you are better off with the stability. If your DPs job improves reassess the situation then. Good luck, don't lose your aspiration for a better role.

rollonthesummer Fri 16-Jun-17 15:00:57

If your DP is working part time on a zero hours contract at minimum wage, surely you're not in a financial position where you can choose to work part time? Surely you need at least one guaranteed full time wage?


RainbowsAndUnicorn Fri 16-Jun-17 17:52:37

If you are already claiming state support and need even more to work part time then it's a luxury you can't afford.

Children are in school at least thirty hours anyway plus 35 hours is low for full time work so it should be easy to fit in housework without having to reduce hours.

Taking a new job then wanting maternity leave isn't likely to endear you to a new employer either.

BewareOfDragons Fri 16-Jun-17 17:57:36

I would stay where you are for now, too.

I also wonder what your OP is doing besides cooking considering he only works 3-4 days a week ... surely he should be doing a lot more than that around HIS home and with HIS child.

Jumble27 Fri 16-Jun-17 18:31:15

Thank you all for your replies, I think I'm pretty much convinced to stay where I am.

DP does his fair share of housework and looking after DD, but there are jobs that I think he doesn't think about that I do. I had a chat with him and suggested we work out some sort of rota for the bigger jobs that never seem to get done. It would definitely help to get organised.

The thought of relying on tax credits to supplement my income does also scare me, we're now just over the threshold for tax credits so come renewal time I'm expecting our claim to end.

I think I'll go along to the meeting with the branch manager and say whilst I'd love to work there at the moment it wouldn't be convenient with my family situation. And hope I just don't come across as a huge flake and make a bad impression!

And I have signed up for some work experience in branch so hopefully that will be coming up in the next few months so I can get a better feel for the job.

I will just keep the picture in my mind of owning my own home and getting on the property ladder smile

OP’s posts: |
TheDogAteMyGoatskinVellum Sat 17-Jun-17 03:17:41

Nobody has mentioned yet that you're not married. I work part time, but wouldn't if unmarried.

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