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Don't know what to do - colleague issue

(9 Posts)
Jessiecat27 Mon 15-May-17 22:27:11

So sorry as this is such a long post but I don't have many people I feel I can speak to and just wanted some advice. Okay so I've been in my current workplace for about 3 years, not really had any problems untill now. Luckily I have supportive managers! I'm 13 weeks pregnant (all of my colleagues know) and this past week or so one of my colleagues has started being more difficult than usual. We don't have anything in common anyway so tend to only have a quick chat and talk about work related subjects, it started when I was off for a day (I was rushed in due to bleeding) and the day after I went back she was mumbling about not having enough staff and falling behind. I totally get that because it seems like we are short staffed a lot of the time. Then the next day it carried on, not enough work got done that week, things got left until the end of the week which I got the blame for. I decided to do something ahead of being asked to try and be helpful, due to system failure I then got the blame again until luckily another staff member backed me up as she saw me do the said task. I then continued to explain what I had done to sort a problem that someone had left the week prior and again, got told I was in the wrong. I told them I was going on my lunch (we don't have set times) as I was feeling unwell, if I don't eat often my morning sickness creeps up on me, came back to another load of abuse to how I didn't tell that particular colleague (I did) and I apologised but assured her I did. Later on that day I saw a rather unfair post on social media that she had tagged another member of staff in about me. I managed to screenshot it before I got blocked but I have been upset all weekend due to pregnancy related problems, a family member being severely unwell and now this. It's causing me great stress and after today being off work for the same pregnancy related problem (planned with managers) I feel like I'm walking into hell by going into work tomorrow and I'm just panicking as I hate confrontation, I keep myself to myself. Any advice or has anyone been in the same situation? Thank you if anyone has read this far! (Pregnant and stressing badly!)

daisychain01 Mon 15-May-17 22:56:05

Jessie, sorry you are going through a bad time with your colleague. Irrespective of whether they have an excuse, maybe stressed due to staff shortages, they have no right to target you personally.

If I were you, I'd sit down when you're at home and safe from that environment and write some notes about recent occasions when they have had a go at you, so you have things clear about how things happened etc. Then book a private meeting with your manager and say you are very concerned about the person's attitude. Say you feel they are discriminating against you because you are pregnant and it's making you feel very ill with the worry.

The minute you mention discrimination, this should trigger your manager to deal with the problem. Don't put yourself in the vulnerable position of confronting the person, use your manager as a buffer, so you don't have to deal with it. Look after yourself.

Jessiecat27 Mon 15-May-17 23:00:51

Daisy thank you for replying! I've noticed little remarks get made to most colleagues every so often but they tend to get ignored (they've all been there a lot longer than I have and I assume they just shrug it off) I just want it to stop without a big deal being made of it but I can't see it happening like that unfortunately! I will definitely keep notes of everything, last week was already stressful and it really didn't help. Thank you again!

Beelzebop Mon 15-May-17 23:04:26

Unfortunately people like this often don't listen to a reasonable word in their ear. Excellent advice to make notes. Also, be firm but calm. And you can say no smile. Been in this situation, it can be upsetting. Xx

Steamgirl Mon 15-May-17 23:04:48

I was in similar position once. Good advice from daisychain esp regarding discrimination. Stress is not good for your pregnancy and you are protected against discrimination by law. I spoke to my doctor about the problems at work and they signed me off. The business owners decided to suspend the bully 'pending investigation' until I went on maternity leave so that I could return to work.

Jessiecat27 Mon 15-May-17 23:18:24

Thank you both for your advice! I'm a bit worried if I do end up getting signed off sick as I don't know how we would cope with ssp at the moment, planning to move out and obviously save as much as we can! Hoping it will resolve itself but I'll definitely keep notes incase I feel I have to speak to my managers, just don't want anyone in the work place to hate me as I do enjoy my job!

JammyGeorge Mon 15-May-17 23:31:45

I second writing it down so you've got dates and times. I'd absolutely talk to your managers, they sound reasonable and supportive. If things have been said in an open office they can deal with it without revealing their source. Its their job to deal with this kind of crap not yours. If that was going on in my team I'd be furious, the managers authorised that time away and by bitching they are questioning the resourcing decision as well as being general arses.

Try not to let them get to you they really aren't worth it but I know it's hard when you are having a rough time.

Jessiecat27 Mon 15-May-17 23:39:50

Jammy I hadn't even thought of it being anonymous! There are a few of us in our department so I think a few people could of overheard! Normally we talk quite openly about any problems but as I was so worried about my pregnancy I was worried of crying on front of them which sounds daft I know. My hormones are everywhere and I'm trying to stay as professional as I can during work time. I'll try and carry on keeping my head down and see what happens. I feel awful even taking time off for appointments as we do struggle when even one person is off!

WicksEnd Tue 16-May-17 00:11:41

I'dbe tempted to tell her that you have a screen shot of what she put about you on social media and that any further bullying, and you'll take it to management. You must have a social media policy stating not to post negatively about colleagues/clients/the company?
She's handed it to you on a plate OP. Confront the bitch.

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