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Treated differently since returning to work

(5 Posts)
user1491336842 Tue 04-Apr-17 21:44:48

Since I returned to work 8 months ago, I feel I am being treated differently by my director and some team members. I was initially asked to do another role, which was never defined properly meaning I ended up sitting around not doing much for about 5 months, despite constantly asking to be involved in various projects. I was constantly given excuses and told I would be 'brought into' things - but always ended up waiting. In the end I said I would like to go back to my old role, which was agreed on.
There is a huge contract being worked on by all members of the team except me, which I understand as I will be leading on another big contract at the early stages, however it means I am at my desk alone much of the time while the other 5 members of my team are in meetings. Problem is, this huge project means that all the developments and new processes are being worked out while I am not around. I try to catch up but nothing is written up properly and there are no proper processes for anything really- it's all in people's heads. I also work 3 days per week so have limited time compared to others to get up to speed.
Today I was drafted in to lead a meeting with little direction or background, and while I thought it went well, my manager told me I lacked authority and 'pitched it incorrectly' whatever that means. It was something I haven't done for over two years and I spent a lot of time preparing and asking questions about. The feedback I was given on what I should have done did not line up at all with the direction I was given from my manager. she also said I seemed like a 'minion' and i lack confidence. This upset me a lot as I have literally been ignored for 8 months, haven't had any one to ones - despite everyone else having them, haven't had my end of year review yet despite chasing, I haven't been given any goals, direction or anything useful at all. I am missed off meeting invites for meetings that are relevant to me and seem to be generally forgotten about - despite me putting my hand up for new projects and throwing myself into what I can. I log in on my days off to ensure I see anything urgent and worked during naptime yesterday to help out with something. I feel as though I am just written off as a part time Mum with no value.

My manager also often makes comments about having my 'days off' and is generally pretty rude about Mums in general- her sister in law for example is lazy because she 'doesn't even do the ironing' despite being 'off work' (with two toddlers!!) I bite my tongue but can't see why it's anyone's business what they do in their own household.
I haven't missed any work since being back, however have worked from home for a few days due to my lg being poorly. I have also battled through a week of tonsilitis myself and a chest infection another week without taking time off - out of paranoia really, which appears to have gone unnoticed. She has had several weeks off wfh because her dog is sick, which I have been sympathetic about, however when I mentioned being tired after lg was up all night sick, the response was 'well you wanted it'.
Quite honestly, I think she hates mothers. She never had kids due to health problems and has been off with me since I was pregnant. She was someone I was pretty friendly with before pg, and we had plenty of evenings out working away and lunches etc together, so her being cold towards me is odd. I actually want to salvage my relationship with her, as despite these things, she is a very good boss in that she gets involved and generally fights our corner - i trust that she wouldn't say anything about me behind my back for example.
On the whole I feel pretty deflated, I wanted to return to work and feel like I have a lot to offer. I also appreciate some women have a much harder time with their employers when they get back after mat leave. But honestly, I am dreading going there tomorrow.
Anyway sorry for the rambling post - not sure what I really expect to achieve but I feel better for writing it down.

daisychain01 Wed 05-Apr-17 03:49:47

I feel as though I am just written off as a part time Mum with no value.

If you have a strong sense this is how you have been treated over quite a significant amount of time (8 months), I'd use it as your starting point to document everything that has been going on, as a bullet list with the situation, date, who said/did what.

Based on your OP you need to build a factual picture for your employer about your circumstances. IME, it is only when they see the holistic set of facts that it builds a clear picture about what has been going on, and start to take the matter seriously. You have a strong case to raise a grievance based on facts you've provided.

Keep it objective. I would not call your Manager on their own bad behaviour re sickness absence as that could become a red herring. Stick to their discrimination of you as a mother, their derogatory comments and isolation of you from key meetings, setting you up to fail.

If you find it too intimidating to confront your manager directly, do you have someone in HR you can highlight this to?

daisychain01 Wed 05-Apr-17 03:52:55

As a PT worker, you can also highlight they are treating you differently to the FT staff, they are gaining advantage over you by having access to meeting that you are being denied.

user1491336842 Wed 05-Apr-17 20:41:23

Thanks for your responses. I have started to compile a list and make sure I am covering my back. Our HRD is a working Mum and I am contemplating speaking to her once I have had a good think, don't want to go in all emotional!

daisychain01 Thu 06-Apr-17 04:32:59

Try to get hold of relevant company policies so you can be factual and cite where the things you have been subjected to are not expected behaviours based on policy

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