Need to be more pushy

[mooneus]

So I've been working for my current employer for just over a year and Ive been doing a pretty good job.

Last week we had reviews and my manager said he wants me to be more pushy. I said I'd try to be, but it's not me. I'm a really shy person with low self confidence, and fear making mistakes.

Today he pulled me aside and said he has been ignoring some of my emails because he wants me to chase him for stuff. I really don't understand this. I get that he may want me to be more vocal, but it's really not me to be pushy. The fact that I've been doing a good job should be enough. I'm starting to think he doesn't understand me as a person.

Its probably not helped by the fact that over a year of working there i still don't feel comfortable around him. He's a nice person but he is very sarcastic and takes the P out of a lot of stuff that I like, so I find it hard to warm to him - we literally have nothing in common apart from work.

I don't know what I can do to address the issue. Do I say that I don't feel comfortable being pushy? or try to be more pushy

[pluck]

Not replying to your emails is unkind and unprofessional. Would your telling him that, and telling him to stop doing it, "tick off" his requirement?

(Honestly, what an arse!)

[daisychain01]

Today he pulled me aside and said he has been ignoring some of my emails because he wants me to chase him for stuff.

That's counterproductive manipulative and time wasting. Sounds like he has zero people management skills and thinks he's so clever doing it that way. He should be talking to you in terms of building your confidence and assertiveness skills which are sought after and get things done whilst building your professional networks and profile.

Can you ask for assertiveness training?

[pluck]

Think he's the one who needs training.

OP, has he admitted this in writing?

[mooneus]

No he pulled me into a meeting room and said it to me

[pluck]

No witnesses, I suppose. That really is rubbish, counterproductive management. Are you in a union?

[mooneus]

No not in a union

[pluck]

How big is the company? Is there any "management" or HR around him, or above him? Have you any colleagues? He's got this fixation with pushiness, but it may be that making alliances is more your style, and will work, both to get the information he needs to give you (e.g. send joint requests and cc people, so that he has to respond, otherwise he pisses off lots of people) and to find other potential sources of information.

[daisychain01]

OP maybe when your boss gives you earache next time, tell him to sod off and let you get on and focus on your role.

Then when he looks at you aghast you can flutter your eyelids and say "I thought you'd be pleased at how "pushy" I've become nowadays" with some well-timed air-quotes when you say pushy.

[AlternativeTentacle]

Say 'Stop fucking playing silly fuckers and answer my fucking emails. That pushy enough for you?'

or email:

'Further to our conversation in x office at y time on z date, I am just requesting clarity further to your notice that you are not answering my emails as you want me to be more pushy.

So just to clarify:
Are you wanting me to ask twice? By email?
Are you wanting me to ask more politely? Less politely?
Are you wanting me to come to your office to ask for a response?
Are you wanting me to start being more aggressive? How are you expecting this to manifest itself?
Are you wanting some sort of showdown?

I really cannot see the point of withholding a response to emails in order for me to be more pushy. I wasn't aware of this as a management tool, I have never heard of this before so I would really like guidance on how this will work. I am unsure as to why you cannot just answer the email. Surely it is good business practice to have staff that ask nicely and get a response in return? I am confused by this approach to be honest.

In order to maybe get more guidance on this I have copied HR in, hopefully the response can clarify your requirements and if HR have a policy that can assist, please can that be sent to me forthwith.

Thank you.

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

What a total nobber.

I think you need to chuck it back at him and tell him he needs to be more explicit in relation to exactly what it is he wants you to do.

[caroldecker]

His management style sounds shit, but he has a point. When people prioritize work, they will often do the bits first that stop people chasing them rather then on a timely or importance basis.
This may mean your other requests to other departments are left till last, causing you and his team difficulties.
Try chaser emails where there is no response in a reasonable timescale.

[daisychain01]

caroldecker yes, but all the same, he's still a complete knobber, go on admit it

[HotelEuphoria]

Did he actually say pushy, or did he says he wanted you to work in being more assertive?

[caroldecker]

Daisychain I started saying he sounded shit at management.

[LorLorr2]

It sounds to me like he ignored the emails and said he wants to be pushed in order to help teach OP/ make her practice? Not manipulate her like PP implied. Still annoying and patronising though!

Have you asked him how being pushy is going to improve your job? If you are doing well as you are then it would be good to know why he is trying to do this

[LorLorr2]

Oops sorry- had my eye on the frying pan and was too lazy to check which symbols make italics so just hoped for the best there

[gandalf456]

Maybe he is just inefficient , hasn't answered his emails and is trying to blame you for not being assertive?

[daisychain01]

Yes carol, after I posted I noticed that, oh for an edit button!

[caroldecker]

daisychain i have often wished for one as well