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Passive aggressive bullying

(4 Posts)
notlovingjob Sun 13-Nov-16 10:05:39

I'm having such a hard time at work and have name changed for this.

This particular colleague has always been quiet and is seen as lovely and sensitive.
I'm the loud one of the team, always got something to say, happy to challenge management etc.
I was recently promoted to team supervisor

Since then this quiet lovely person has refused to engage with me on any level.
When she was off sick she wouldn't speak to me (as is policy), she is actively rude to me personally and in meetings.
I've tried to address the issues, I've asked her if I've upset her, what can I do to repair our relationship etc but she refuses to engage in any conversation.
A well respected colleague has said she's never seen behaviour like it and that it's passive aggressive bullying. Her dislike of me is palpable.

I've considered giving up my supervisor role as I can't work with this person.
I'm having a meeting tomorrow with management about it, would it be reasonable to ask for her to be moved to another area (we have several across the city and staff regularly change for all sorts of reasons)

My worry is that I won't be taken seriously as everyone sees her as sensitive and quiet and me as loud & confident. But she is making my working life a misery.

My manager suggested we go for coffee together hmm but I've tried to address this so many times I don't want to do it anymore.

I think they may try and move me instead but I feel then I'd be discriminated against as I don't want to move and I'm not behaving in this passive aggressive manipulative manner.

Any advice gratefully received

blueshoes Sun 13-Nov-16 10:48:45

Not sure why people do this. It is immature. She is stonewalling you and creating a hostile environment for you.

I am assuming you were at the same level as her and now that you are promoted, she reports to you? Was she gunning for the same promotion?

First of all, do not give up your promotion. This is the first test. You don't want to show management you are falling down already. That would play straight into your colleague's hands. When you go to management, do not ever offer to give it up. Focus on the solution.

When your well respected colleague says that that she has never behaviour like this, is it from witnessing it at meetings or just from your account? How much support can this colleague give you with management (and backing up your account).

Instead of raising it so openly at a management meeting is there an intermediate step you can take of speaking to a mentor or a friendly face at management (perhaps someone you or your manager knows) to sound them out as to the best course of action. I think a broker may be better since your colleague has made it impossible for you to approach her.

My concern about raising at a management meeting now is that some of them may not know you so well and might unfairly take away the impression that you are ineffectual when all the facts are now yet clear. I think play it a little more subtly for longer. These things do get sorted but they take a little time.

LadyLapsang Mon 14-Nov-16 21:19:03

I find it strange that you think it would be reasonable for her to move offices, but mention you would perceive it as discrimination were you expected to move.Given that you were equals so recently, are you reflecting this in your management style? Has she been like this from news of your promotion or do you think something has sparked this change in attitude?

daisychain01 Mon 14-Nov-16 21:54:39

I've read your post a couple of times and a couple of things stand out

- you and this colleague clearly have very different communication styles and personalities. She possibly feels threatened if you are in meetings and she doesnt get a chance to contribute. It's only a guess, but is that the case? Do you think she feels overwhelmed by your hi-octane personality and the only way she can deal with it is to be snippy and PA?

- what do you want to achieve? It isn't clear from what you've said exactly what she's doing wrong, other than being a bit sarky.

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