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Went for Same Promotion as Partner and got it

(5 Posts)
Arsenal123 Wed 10-Aug-16 14:39:58

I went for the same promotion as my partner and got the job: there were two up for grabs but someone else got the other. We are public sector workers in the same field and I know this is her dream job. We both did experience days to bolster our application. I am not as sentimental when it comes to work so the job seemed great and interesting from a skills point of view.

Anyway they called me to say I was successful and she was unsuccessful and she broke down. I tried to console her and she said she was happy for me. I felt so bad that I didn't leave her side despite her living with her family. There was nothing I could do - my ineffective useless silence did nothing to help: my presence seemed unwanted.

Since that she has avoided me. Her Eastern European family who I see quite often were also distraught, barely able to muster a congratulations at my promotion. She texted me to say there may have been some bias at play because I am a white British male, older than her, in an industry with slightly more females.

We have been together a year and I am besotted with her. My friend warned me that she moved here to get what she can. She was open about the fact that once she was trained in this new job she would move to the private sector for more money. My friend suggested that by entering a relationship with me it would make her better placed for the promotion but I think this is a tall speculation and very deceitful.

Should I just give her space?

shartsi Wed 10-Aug-16 15:13:22

Congratulations. You didn't do anything wrong. Give her space otherwise she will continue to treat you appallingly.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Penfold007 Thu 11-Aug-16 08:55:02

I think you should think carefully about what your friend has said. Your DP admitting that she would use the training to move to the private sector was probably a major factor in her not getting the job.

panegyricS1 Thu 11-Aug-16 18:57:53


Your friend might be right - but to be frank I don't get the logic. How would being in a relationship with someone at the same level help her get a promotion? If you were a director I'd understand, but before your promotion you had no more influence than she did.

Nothing wrong with wanting to move to the private sector for more money. Civil servants do that every day. In fact, it shows that she's motivated and not looking to sponge off you.

But .... if she's avoiding you and downplaying your success by alleging bias, she's not a supportive partner. She's a sore loser.

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