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Going to HR about Manager, where do i say I am?

(17 Posts)
Dontknowatall Sun 22-May-16 08:23:05

I have a new (inexperienced) manager, who is basically bullying me. I have spoken with friends about what he has done, and they are advising me to go to HR - i've been there over 2 years, so I could say "fancied a change" for reason for leaving, or 'no promotion prospects' (as he has clearly said this at our dept meetings, while pointedly looking at me)

He has accused me of doing something (not major - think constantly chatting, but thats not it) which I can prove I havent done, but he says he has seen me doing....!? He has 'had it reported that when he was on holiday I was late every day'

Its such a shame, I love the company I work for and have tried to move internally, but am unable to.

So... If i go to HR he is bound to ask me where I am going, so what can i say? do i say "I have a meeting with HR?" and smile? or say something else....

AlwaysDancing1234 Sun 22-May-16 08:25:44

I think just be honest and say "I have a meeting with HR" and off you go. No need to make a thing of it or lie about it.
Before you have the HR meeting try and get everything down on paper in a timeline with dates, brief details and witnesses if there were any. Good luck, it's horrible having s bully boss.

CupidsArrows Sun 22-May-16 08:26:44

Take advice from HR regarding this. Ask at the point of making an appointment.

Fluffyears Sun 22-May-16 14:21:46

You have a meeting with HR is fine and remember he has no right to know what was discussed. If he asks you just say it's a personal matter and is in hand. I had a similar experience and now have a fantastic new job. It's a horrible situation.

daisychain01 Mon 23-May-16 04:00:01

Hmm, it doesn't sound like you have done enough to build bridges with your manager before going to HR.

Whatever they have been told by 3rd parties, shouldn't you be working with them to dispel whatever information they have been given. Also I think your problems are not just with him but with others in your team. I'm not saying no smoke without fire, but clearly someone doesn't like you if they are being negative about you to your manager....

I would try to find out more from your manager first.

Unless you've decided you just want out and are planning your exit strategy anyway

In my company the first thing HR will ask is whether you have done everything you can to resolve the situation directly with your line manager.

Baconyum Mon 23-May-16 04:04:45

"In my company the first thing HR will ask is whether you have done everything you can to resolve the situation directly with your line manager."

That's likely because hr aren't there to serve employees but THEIR employer.

Good luck but bear ^ in mind.

I left a job due to a bully, when looking online for advice I found a phrase which sums it up well

People join good companies and leave bad bosses

ToastedOrFresh Mon 23-May-16 04:55:42

daisychain.........really ?

daisychain01 Mon 23-May-16 17:48:40

That's likely because hr aren't there to serve employees but THEIR employer

Exactly baconyum

They'll send the OP packing. That why I said it would be better for the OP to keep control, by dealing directly with the manager. When you get HR involved it's only heading in one direction

WWYD, toasted? Not saying my way is the right way, I just don't want to advise the OP to do something that will be a hiding to nothing!

Baconyum Mon 23-May-16 17:52:44

While it's unfair I agree daisychain I think a lot of posters on Mn forget this. He who pays the piper calls the tune!

Watch your back op, keep it as factual as possible. Keep a record of all that happens.

Bear in mind (I found this out too late to my cost) that claims for constructive/unfair dismissal are very time ltd too.

Dontknowatall Thu 26-May-16 21:41:07

well i have had a lovely chat with HR and he has not followed due procedure, and i have an recognised expert 'colleague' who has offered to support me, so possible greivance to be raised,

but i cannot work with the person, and there are no other teams i could go to, so my options are limited

i have applied for a number of roles internally, as the company is a good one, but its soo fucking clique-y in my area, you get promoted based on your face fitting - HR were a bit hmm when i was explaining what went on, i cant go into detail in case he hears about it, but parts of their interview didnt go well, and yet they still got the job??? hmm and proven other things in the area....

Dontknowatall Thu 26-May-16 21:43:01

"They'll send the OP packing."

No, they didnt, as i backed up all the items, and how they had done the process wrong

There is no nice way to deal with this manager, they are clearly threatened by me, in fact i might even go the age discrimination route as they are much younger than me....

EBearhug Thu 26-May-16 22:49:31

Can you prove it's about age? From what you've said, the manager is in the wrong, and HR mostly agree, and you've got suppport. It would be daft to get it thrown out because you're going for age discrimination where there's no evidence of that in particular. If there is evidence, then fine - and it's a protected characteristic.

maggiethemagpie Thu 02-Jun-16 20:41:15

I work in HR and the first thing i would ask for in this situation is evidence. Without evidence a grievance for bullying will not get very far and the employee can end up with egg on their face if the grievance is not upheld.
I have absolutely no problem upholding a bullying grievance if the evidence is there but it rarely is, most bullies cover their tracks well and other employees in the team usually don't want to get involved.

Good luck.

Dontknowatall Thu 02-Jun-16 21:09:04

the age thing was a bit of a throwaway thought. not serious about that

Re the evidence, i have emails where he offers help and when you actually ask for it you're basically told you should know what you're doing. i had a bad review, and when i challenged it, i was told it was too much work to re do it...

We have a kind of internal union, and i have been getting advice from them, and to be honest they are really pro me going the grievance route. i'm so tired of it, i'm not after his job, i dont want it - but he has some problem with me

Dontknowatall Thu 02-Jun-16 21:16:09

in fact i dont even want my own job now

TheDowagerCuntess Thu 02-Jun-16 21:26:06

Also I think your problems are not just with him but with others in your team. I'm not saying no smoke without fire, but clearly someone doesn't like you if they are being negative about you to your manager....

That's assuming someone has actually said anything.

My read of the situation, taking the OP at face value, is that this guy could be saying anything to make her feel undermined and insecure. Tossing out accusations that he knows are impossible to verify. Probably nobody has even said anything to him. In which case, grievance is absolutely with him.

Dontknowatall Thu 02-Jun-16 21:39:10

i'm making a list of all the things that have happened, i have also kept copies of all emails etc -

its so sad, i used to love my job and the company, i feel sick i dont want to go in tomorrow

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