Back to work on Monday and bricking it

[OopsUpsideMyHead]

On Monday, I go back to work after almost 3 years at home with my dc. I'm bricking it.

Eldest is 7, youngest 2.5. Worked full time when my eldest dd was a baby but decided I'd try the SAHM thing with dd2. Loved it, but the time came when I knew it was right for me to get back to work. I love my job although knew I'd have to look for a new position with a new employer. Took me over a year to finally secure this job after countless interviews. It's my dream job, working for an organisation I've always wanted to work for. I've met boss and colleagues, all seem wonderful. I am extremely lucky to have secured this role after so long out of the 'game'. When I got the offer it was such an achievement, I was over the moon.

There's been a delay to me starting due to delays in my DBS coming back. This has given me too much thinking time and I've managed to get myself into an absolute state. In my last role I was a competent and confident. I so desperately want to make a success of this new role but I feel like my confidence is absolute rock bottom lately. I'm not sleeping, I've had a couple of panic attacks, feel tearful and over the last few days have seriously considered not going in on my first day, and just giving up on it. What happened to me?

It's really not about the juggling act of childcare, kids, commute etc. I've done that before and I know it will work, so I'm not worried about logistics. But I feel like a shell of my former self. I don't want to out myself, but I work with vulnerable, notoriously challenging young people and have to hold my own in a lot of very varied professional settings. The thought of setting foot in that office on my first day, meeting new colleagues is filling me with terror. This isn't like me. I'm not usually like this!!

This is such a massive opportunity for me and one I've worked very hard for, and yet I feel sick to my stomach! Would really appreciate any advice or techniques to help me sort my shit out.

[FuzzyOwl]

Just make sure you look good so you feel confident and good in yourself. Take lots of deep breaths and good luck.

[NeatandTidyTidyandNeat]

I hear good things about two aps that help you try a bit of mindfulness when under pressure, particularly related to work - Buddhify and Mindshift (both recommended in national HR journal). Both are said to have on-screen prompts for you to say how you are feeling, and then to have techniques and short guided meditations related to that. (I am in no way affiliated to either of them )

I think you will be OK when you get started and you will surprise yourself by how well your skills snap back into action - it's the unknown and the waiting that are rotten for allowing the worries to build up. You can do this, you are good at this. One step at a time - you do not have to do everything in the job description on day 1!

[OopsUpsideMyHead]

Thanks so much for the encouragement, NeatandTidy, I'll definitely give those apps a try!

[CodyKing]

Imagine you are in work and a new person arrives - how do you feel for them? You know it's hard - you don't expect too much on a first day - you invite them to lunch etc -

They will be normal people just like you

[OopsUpsideMyHead]

You're right Cody. I know that in my head, I guess my confidence is just a little low after so long out the game.