Advice please

[pinetree22]

Hi all,
Sorry for the long post but I´m just after some impartial advice and points of view.

I´m a mid-level manager for a large international company (30000+ employees). I have a 2 year old who goes to nursery the days I´m at work. I usually do the dropping off and collecting to nursery as I work fairly local and my husband travels a bit further out (usually leaves at 7.30 am, back at 6pm). He changed jobs in December so still under probation in current role. During probation, he is on a weeks notice.
As part of my development, they are sending me to a conference abroad in April. I will be away from home from Monday to Thursday so we have sorted out that hubby will collect and drop off on those days, he asked at work and they were ok about it. Means he will be in work an hour late and will have to leave an hour early.

I have now been told I have to attend an internal residential meeting (30 miles away) the week before my conference. Meeting is from Monday to Wednesday so again he would have to go in late/leave early. I dont see how they can require that everybody stays overnight for 2 nights in a hotel? What if you are a single parent with no support around?
I´m reluctant to stay overnight at this meeting as I dont want to jeopardise husbands job. What if they get fed up of him leaving early and give him his weeks notice?
We dont have any family around who can help. In laws live 80 miles away and still work. My parents live abroad.

Should I refuse to stay for the evening activites at this meeting? I cant cancel the conference as it has been paid for and it´s over 3K with fees, hotel and flights.

Thank you!

[VegasIsBest]

Rather than just refusing can you have an open conversation with your manager? A compromise may be possible eg go to the conference for one day or maybe one overnight. Could someone from nursery look after you kid for an extra hour so your husband doesn't have to leave early?

[HermioneWeasley]

How do other people manage it? Well, it's really tough.

Would your ILs be prepared for one of them to take a day's leave to help out? Any friends who might help in return for a favour another time?

Otherwise, I think you are going to have to sit down with your manager and explain the problem and see what can be done.

But ultimately if it's part of the job (and working for a global company overnight stays are going to come up fairly often I'd have thought) then they can require it.