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Would I be crazy/selfish to take this job?

(48 Posts)
yorkshapudding Sat 30-Jan-16 07:42:25

Hi all,

I have posted before about feeling trapped in my current career (specialist nurse in NHS) and how the stress is impacting on my physical and mental health. I am not sleeping, am constantly anxious or tearful and can't even enjoy my days off anymore as I spend them worrying about work and dreading going back in.

I have been offered a job as a Pastoral Care Manager in a local secondary school. The school has an excellent reputation and I was struck by what a happy, supportive environment it seemed when I visited and spoke to a few of the staff, although I am aware that there is only so much you can tell from a one off visit! I am excited about the role and was very impressed with the person who would be managing me, felt that we were very much on the same wavelength etc. It is a 5-10 minute drive from home whereas my current commute is around 45 minutes depending on traffic, although I can't say this aspect of the job has ever bothered me. DH works full time, with a long commute (1.5 hours each way) but has weekends off and works from home regularly.

The job is Full time (37 hours) term time only. They have offered to match my current salary pro rata, which is a significant jump from the salary that was advertised.

I currently work 3 full days a week and my lovely Mum looks after my DD (age 2) for those three days (this was my Mum's idea, she loves having DD and is very keen to carry on looking after her for those 3 days) so we would need to put DD in childcare for those additional two days a week. My Mum has offered to have DD five days until she is eligible for her 30 free hours but I do not want to do this as I feel it would be taking advantage. On the positive side though, I would have school holidays off, which I imagine may be very glad of when she is older and there is not a cat in hell's chance of this ever happening in my current field.

A couple of people have commented that I might find it a "shock" working full time after having done 3 days and that it "seems a shame" to have to put DD in childcare when currently we have no childcare costs and she benefits from one to one care from family at home. This has left me wondering if it would be selfish/unfair on DD for me to take this job sad

I simply cannot carry on as I am and am worried that if I hold out for a job that allows me to earn the same money, for the same hours that I currently have as a specialist with several years experience in my field then I'll never find anything! Am I right in thinking there needs to be an element of compromise if you want to completely change careers?

Very interested to hear people's opinions on part time vs term time only and whether this seems like a good move. Any advice much appreciated.

Apologies for the essay by the way!

PennyHasNoSurname Sat 30-Jan-16 07:45:37

Well no-one criticises your dh for working ft do they?

Do it!

The trade off for her being in ft childcare js that she has you around every school holiday

Spikeinhiscoat Sat 30-Jan-16 07:46:45

I'd say go for it. It sounds a great opportunity for you. When your DD is at school, you working termtime only will be a blessing. Before then, your DD will be in childcare for two days a week, will meet other children, and will probably love it. If you don't apply for this job will you regret it?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sat 30-Jan-16 07:47:01

I think your DD will benefit from a happy mommy - lovely long summer hols with no get ups - racing to get out the door - cosy winters watching films - lots of free activities... In return for two extra days in nursery in 6 week blasts?

PennyHasNoSurname Sat 30-Jan-16 07:47:02

Sorry posted too soon. I dropped to four days when dc2 arrived and in order to progress I will need to go back up to ft which I will be doing by the time he is 18mo

Dh works in a school though so again, we have one parent home holidays.

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Sat 30-Jan-16 07:47:31

Do it
She will have a much happier mum and you every school holidays

Leigh1980 Sat 30-Jan-16 07:51:08

Definitely without doubt take the job. Being unhappy in a job is worse as it can make you very depressed and have very little energy, as all your energy will be wasted being anxious.

Imagine how you'd look forward to nice long set holidays every year. You'd be crazy not to take this job. She'd be in full time education soon anyway whilst you'd still he miserable in your old job if you stayed.

If an awesome job came up for your husband would he turn it down because he felt it would be selfish? Doubt it! Thus sounds very much like a once in a life time job. When you enjoy your job the five days seem too little so ignore people who say it might be a shock it's only two extra days.

MelanieCheeks Sat 30-Jan-16 07:51:38

It sounds like too good an opportunity to miss!

I wouldn't use the word "shock" - it'll take some adjusting to working 5 days a week, but it's totally do-able.

Having the school holidays free will be a huge bonus.

grumpmitchell Sat 30-Jan-16 07:52:48

I would go for it. Long term it sets you up beautifully, less stress for you and a lovely new challenge. Ds happy with grandma and can be eased into two nursery days with grandma's support. And it won't be long until he's at school all day anyway. Lovely to have a shorter commute. But more than anything else happy, less stressed mum and school holidays with you later on is priceless.

Devilishpyjamas Sat 30-Jan-16 07:53:52

Sounds much better for you. I presume the people saying things have no idea how ill your current job is making you.

Buttercup27 Sat 30-Jan-16 07:55:40

I used to work 4 days a week all year then went full time term time only. It worked out that I only actually worked 4 days a year more. If you are feeling guilty maybe work out the days ?
I think you would be mad not to accept . Shorter commute , school holidays and a happier mummy would be all the benefits I would need to say yes.

Ohthepressure Sat 30-Jan-16 07:57:05

If they've offered to match your salary they must want you, and it sounds like you would be so much happier. You'd also be closer to home.

Could you spare some money for a couple of days childcare a week to take the burden off your Mum? I've been out of the system for a few years now, but salary sacrifice might reduce your tax and make it more affordable. Childcare isn't a last resort, my DS was fine in nursery from 9 months until he went to school. Don't pay attention to the "it's a shame" people, it's your family and your (joint) choice, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled too. The real shame is that women tend to be called "selfish" while men are called "ambitious"...

paulapantsdown Sat 30-Jan-16 07:57:53

Do it. I went from working 3 long days to 5 full term time and it's great. My kids are older though and go to the high school I work at. They are still too young I feel to leave alone during the holidays, so being off is such a worry lifted. The holidays are brilliant.

The only stresses you will have now is dealing with stroppy teenagers all day long!

Doilooklikeatourist Sat 30-Jan-16 07:59:03

The new job sounds much better for you
Go for it , theose who criticise are probably jealous of you having term time only hours ( which will be perfect when DD is in school )

WhispersOfWickedness Sat 30-Jan-16 08:00:43

Take the job! Not selfish at all, your daughter will reap the benefits when she's at school, it will be amazing to have school holidays off smile

tribpot Sat 30-Jan-16 08:01:21

The move sounds extremely positive for you - and you will definitely appreciate the compromise of work life balance when your dd is older. Covering the holidays can be a real pain for working parents.

As to those people who've told you it "seems a shame" to put dd into some form of childcare, I would respond "yes, DH is looking into reducing his hours" (even if it isn't true) just so they fall over in horror at the realisation that childcare is the responsibility of both parents, not just the lower earner or the woman regardless of earnings. Perhaps if your salary is going to be higher than expected your DH might be able to drop down by a day a week? It's worth a conversation at least.

I would agree with you, I don't think it's reasonable for your mum to be committed to providing childcare five days a week, however generous it is of her to offer. Some additional childcare will also give you some more flexibility.

TwoTonTessie Sat 30-Jan-16 08:05:43

I went from full time to term time then back to full time again. It was no problem adapting as you just have to think of the benefits. I would absolutely take the job if I were you, for the sake if your health if nothing else. Good luck flowers

paulapantsdown Sat 30-Jan-16 08:06:27

My DHs job always came first before I did this job, and there had to be a few changes. He has had to take a day off to look after one of ours for the first time ever when they were ill, and he also had to take time off to take one to an appt. It didn't kill him! We have adapted as a family and the benefits of being close to home and being off for the holidays daw outweigh everything else.

Betrayedbutsurvived Sat 30-Jan-16 08:08:24

I'd snatch their hands off if I were you!

ivykaty44 Sat 30-Jan-16 08:12:53

I would jump at the chance o having a term time job when dds were two.

Years of not having to worry about the school holidays will be wonderful.

Added to which you detest your present. Job so would leave any way. If after a year your new job isn't working out then you could reassess

KathyBeale Sat 30-Jan-16 08:14:01

At the beginning of the summer holidays my son was very tired having just done his first year at school. One morning I was shouting at him to put his shoes on (as usual) and he sat on the floor and cried because he was just so in need of a break. I felt awful and wished I could work term time only. He loves his childminder and she is brilliant but they never get a lazy pyjama day or a day when they just play in the garden as we're out by 8am. I would jump at the chance of your new job. The commute sounds great too.

bb888 Sat 30-Jan-16 08:14:45

That job sounds amazing. I would bite their hands off.

superram Sat 30-Jan-16 08:15:55

I am a teacher who works full time and although tough in term time, with holidays, it is the equivalent of 4 days a week. Do it! I couldn't manage without my pastoral support worker-she rocks!

Dumdedumdedum Sat 30-Jan-16 08:16:53

Do it! Congratulations!

fakenamefornow Sat 30-Jan-16 08:17:20

I think that job sounds perfect. If you don't want it I'll have it. Don't see where the dilemma is to be honest.

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