Work stress and leaving

[dirtybadger]

Hi everyone. Not new here, but I don't know if I've ever posted about work before. I'm basically at tipping point and wondering if anyone has any advice or reassurance.

I'm a recent graduate but am working in the same line of work as I was when I was 16 (think retail type/customer service). At 19 I got a promotion to junior managerial position (well, I manage a few people) and haven't moved since. It's been a few years.

I was at breaking point due to my boss, in a previous location (same job and company) so went back to education (hence degree) so that I could afford to work part time and not lose my mind. He was eventually forced to leave the company due to multiple grievances so my worries were quite well founded. The stress was compounded by existing depression and anxiety. It was a last option after applying for jobs for over a year with no luck (few interviews no success).
I got a first but not in a subject which allows me to walk into a graduate job. I would like to go back PT postgrad when I can afford it but at the earliest obviously that'll be after summer.

I have been back full time for 6 months now and had to transfer in order to get the hours as the company is making cuts. This means I spend 1/4 of my low wage on fuel. My workload is ridiculous and the job incredibly stressful. I have a good team but am the only full time member of staff so am relied upon a lot. My manager left due to stress, so I've been acting manager for several months now. I have no desire to work overtime but have no option every week without fail. Although I've said it's similar to customer service, it's quite specific in that we deal with sick people so if I don't do the work, people get sick...I would be more firm about leaving on time otherwise.

Because this is the situation in multiple branches in the area, transferring wouldn't be useful. There is no budget for more staff, which is the issue and the only solution I see (although that feeling is obviously not shared by senior/field management teams). I have been given a rise to try and keep me on board but it's really not worth it. I'm over 25 so my pay will be rising come April like everyone else's anyway (as obviously I'm not paid 8.50). I have been applying for other jobs since I moved (further again from work) in winter 2015 and had two interviews, the rest I've heard nothing from. I have had good feedback from interviews and been going for jobs I am suitably qualified for/experienced in (ie just basic retail stuff). All I want is a simple part time job in a shop but nobody seems to want me. I haven't listed my degree on my CV as I don't think it's relevant or that helpful (employers might think I was using it as a stop gap- which isn't necessarily the case).

I know it is only a matter of time before I find something else, but I am feeling hopeless. I had my first week off (in a block) for 18-24 months last week and that has helped a little, but since Friday I have gone back to being anxious and crying frequently at the dread of work. I have been fantasising about suicide (specifically fixated on crashing my car on the motorway drive to work, which I know I would never do as I'd hurt people) or running away from it all- not because I particularly want either of those things, but because I am so desperate to not be in this situation any longer.

Does anyone have any advice to help me through :(?

[redstrawberries101]

I would visit some recruitment agencies as they can often help with your CV and offer advice. Sorry your going through this and wish you all the luck!

[Beansprout30]

Hi, im so sorry you are feeling like this. Ive worked in the same job for almost 7 years, pay isnt great but as it's minimal travel I stick with it. Over the last few weeks there have been some big changes and my work load has tripled and I just cant cope. Was off sick due to stress induced illness, came back today and got the impression I wasn't even missed!

Next week im going to drop the bomb shell on them that im pregnant, try and stick it out til mat leave then look for a new job. I've been looking at jobs online just to see if there are roles local which I think I could do, pretty much every job is via an agency. I think this is going to be the best way forward, sign up to a few, get some cv pointers and see if they can find you something.

Perhaps you should try and use your degree to your advantage rather than hide it? You sound completely over worked and it's no wonder you are feeling so low- but one thing I learnt last week, no job is worth your health orlife!!! Keep plugging away at job hunting, and at the back of your mind keep rreminding yourself this wont be forever!!

[Flamingoblue1]

Hi badger. I can sympathise as I've been there and it affected my mental health. I got a new job, handed my notice in and got signed off sick until I left. Best decision I ever made and I didn't even feel guilty about my colleagues or the work left due to how unwell the job made me. Hold on better things will come xx

[LucieLucie]

Your situation sounds like a ticking time bomb...no-one would cope working under stress like that for any prolonged amount of time.

The suicidal thoughts you are having is your minds way of telling you to stop. Not to end your life, just to end the situation.

I think some breathing space would be good, go to your GP and explain what's going on. They will probably sign you off for a while to at least have a rest and think more clearly.

Is there any agencies like Skills Development Scotland where you are? They are local to me and are fantastic for doing a skills analysis and have links with local employers. They could even identify a strength in you that would be good for a totally different career path.