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Overwhelmed not sure I can carry on

(9 Posts)
leavemealone2015 Mon 07-Dec-15 22:12:43

I have been working in a new area and new job last few months. The bosses have been critical and undermining and now I feel like giving up. I just don't want to carry on. It's a no win situation if I leave I have to explain why, it will reflect badly on me, if I stay I am starting to get stressed and dread going in.
What the heck shall I do next? I have a mentor but even discussing with him is likely to damage my employment prospects and look as if I'm not coping.

flowery Tue 08-Dec-15 10:23:40

Why do you have to explain why if you leave? And if you do explain why, how will it reflect badly on you? Are you concerned about a reference for a future employer?

GnomeDePlume Tue 08-Dec-15 12:40:57

Even after 20 odd years with an employer my reference requests went to HR and were the absolute legal minimum:

'Gnome was employed since the year dot from X until Y'

The resignation letter just needs to be factual:

'Dear Boss, please accept this letter as notice of my intention to leave on X date. SWALK Leave'

If you are asked for more information the just stick to a simple 'I have decided to leave'. You are under no obligation to provide more information.

leavemealone2015 Tue 08-Dec-15 21:44:46

We have to request and source our references personally. They agree and then fill in structured form but there is space for additional comments .
I would have to state reason for leaving but it's unfair to leave as I haven't done anything wrong and it would be me missing out.

SevenOfNineTrue Wed 09-Dec-15 10:50:38

I am not being rude but I wonder is there any truth or validity in any of their criticisms of your work?

I am trying to understand if this is simply poor management by not giving you constructive feedback or simply the culture of the place you work in.

flowery Wed 09-Dec-15 12:14:20

If you don't want to give the real reason for leaving but would need to say something to get a good reference, make something up! Loads of people do that, usually when applying for a new job.

leavemealone2015 Wed 09-Dec-15 23:45:08

Seven. There is nothing they have identified as a problem. It's just their manner has been angry they have snapped and they have criticised over v small things..which I have then changed to find I am criticised for the opposite reason. For eg organise the team leave. Why have u organised the team leave.

merlinalison Fri 18-Dec-15 07:50:41

Hmm that does not sound much fun. You need to balance the impact that such an unsupportive environment can have on you and your family against any benefits of the job. For example Is it a field you've always wanted to work in where you can see the potential for progressing over a number of years? Are there any people there that you like and trust that you could talk to off the record? (When we've suffered with poor bosses in the past I know my team have found it very therapeutic to have someone we can roll our eyes at and enjoy a mutual moaning session..or just mutter IGPFTR - I get paid for this regardless.) Or is it just something to help pay the bills, in which case I would be looking around for something more fulfilling (even just in terms of colleagues who value your input)

It is always easier to find a job from a job though, so if you can, try to develop some coping strategies in the meantime to get you through the short-term. One guy at work used to cope with a very demanding senior by staring past their left shoulder into the distance everytime he started ranting and mentally disengaging. I tend to go for a polite but formal apology with no explanation or justification which can make people feel they're being a bit unreasonable. If I'm feeling particularly cross I might add something like "I must have misunderstood - I had thought you asked me to organise the team leave during our meeting on Monday. What should I have been doing instead?" It's amazing how quickly people can backtrack....

Can you try and reflect tasks back, preferably within earshot of others? eg SO you want me to organise the team leave? Is there any particular way you would like me to do that? I know you're very busy, so is there someone I could speak to who knows your preferred method?

Good luck anyway

daisychain01 Fri 18-Dec-15 16:45:02

Have you noted down the bosses specific criticisms? That could be a starting point for a constructive conversation towards getting back on track.

Are you perhaps a little defensive when criticism is put your way? What could you do to empower yourself to change. None of us is immune from improvement, we are all on a journey. Don't try to be perfect, but try if you can to think if they have a point.

The example you gave isn't exactly a earth shattering criticism ... certainly not worth getting upset about.

If it isn't too ide tifiable could you share some other things you are concerned about. Based on your OP I think if you leave this job and move to a new job, what happens if a similar situation happens again. Isn't it better to think about retrieving it, rather than running away?

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