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Feel that a colleague bullies me...

(6 Posts)
Feelingbulliedatwork Wed 15-Jul-15 19:00:16

But in a very subtle way. This might be long but please bear with me because I want to tell you everything. I have worked in same pace for about 10 years, about 6 years ago colleague joined and was in the same position as me at work, same role etc but working to support different parts of the business. After a while a temporary promotion was offered, we both went for it and I got it,after that he whole attitude towards me changed and she made it very clear that she thought it should have been her. This temporary post lasted 6 months then I went back to my normal job. Anyways fast forward since then over many years our working relationship has broken down, she clearly has never forgiven me and I find it hard to work alongside her. I could go on forever, but she shows her disapproval of me me, all the time, subtly makes comments to me that are negative, deliberately does not pass information to me about work matters, and when we are on our own is quite nasty to me. This all sounds very low level and it probably is, but it's gone way too far now, I was asked to do something recently when she was away. To amend something in her area, as it was urgent, when she came back, she was obviously cross, and claimed she had left it like that for "a reason" and basically made me feel guilty for something I had been asked to do. Over the last few years I have gone from someone who is confident at work to mistrusting others, second guessing comments and I dread walking into the office so much I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I have brought this all up with my boss several times, but they fail to see what they can do. I love my job and i think I'm good at it, but feel very low on confidence and like I am being driven out.. Thanks for reading x

Kennington Wed 15-Jul-15 19:04:02

I have been in a similar position
Keep emails is my only advice
Also remember she must be having a rough old time to maintain this grudge for so long
And challenge even if you look over sensitive - if you can
Escalate only if you have reasonable evidence otherwise you will just look petty
Good luck

CountryLovingGirl Thu 16-Jul-15 19:13:35

I have been in this position too. I ended up leaving after 12 years service (she had been there half the time).
My 'colleague' was very clever in the way she operated as she would do things like ignore me and not actually speak (so couldn't be accused of bullying). It started after we went back after maternity leave. I went part time and she had to return full time due to the instability of her partners work. I can only guess she was envious of the fact I was part time.
It became an unbearable situation and I ended up seeking employment elsewhere. I left a job I loved and I still have a hard time over it (a few years ago now). I think it is appalling the way some people operate.
Have you got a union rep or HR? If it comes to it you may be better moving department or something but it really should be her that goes. Does she have problems outside of work?

twidsmum Mon 20-Jul-15 10:48:19

Been there too.I left my position after 18 years.
Bullying in the workplace is acknowledged but hardly ever dealt with.
keep hard copy of everything you can and also take it to Mediation.
That way you're seen to be wanting to make working best for both parties.
Your Managers will also have to be seen to be doing something positive ,and it's on record.
Please dont put up with it any longer.Good lucksmile

Feelingbulliedatwork Mon 20-Jul-15 13:45:30

Hi everyone, sorry for not replying , Internet been playing up. Thanks for your responses, I think she is jealous of me a bit, and channels her energies into that rather than her work, it's very draining. I have tried with my boss, and tried to say that I think it's actually affecting the work of the team as a whole, which it is, but, other than talking to me, and I assume my colleague my manager has done very little. I have no one to talk to in work about it. Countrylovinggirl, yes we have an HR but that is the team I work in! It's got to the point where I am afraid to be seen to be doing anything "good" at work which will attract attention to me and spark another week of cold shoulder silence. Thanks Kennington and Twidsmum I will be keeping the emails and any other evidence, in case I need it in the future.

MissLegal02 Tue 21-Jul-15 16:54:53

Hi, If you think her behaviour towards you is not going to change, my advice would be to consider what would help you to change the situation. As someone said earlier - perhaps moving roles (if possible) so that you are not working alongside each other. Once you have decided this, or come up with a plan of some kind, you could ask your boss for a meeting and explain that this is serious situation and you need to resolve it and explain what you think would help. If your boss still does not listen, I would consider putting in a formal grievance. What you don't want to happen is for her to drive you out of your job.

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