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Should I tell them I am pregnant: New Job offer.

(37 Posts)
ammature Fri 19-Jun-15 11:40:02

OK, bit of background. I work in HE as a lecturer 3 days a week. A lot has changed where I work and its not the nicest pace to work anymore. I applied for a full time post recently and was unsuccessful.

I just interviewed for a part time post at another institution, its about 1 hour away on the train and much more emphasis there on research and developing me as a more well rounded academic. I would be involved in establishing the course and the post would be for my other 2 days per week. The following year I would be made full time and the pay scale is a grade higher then where I work now. They really want me and felt I was outstanding on the day, which really boosted my confidence as I feel very undervalued in my current place of work.

Sounds really great but I am also 7 weeks pregnant. I had hoped I would be made F/T In my current place of work ensuring decent maternity pay but this seems unlikely. I feel strange taking the new job on, I would do one semester hen be on matt leave.

My question is would you tell them? I would be 17 weeks on my start day, I do feel that this job would be for the long term and I'm not going to be fly by night, I'm assuming they get that too. How would you handle this? Its such early days at the minute not many people know so I feel its fair to tell them either over the summer or when I start in September. What do you think?

Oh and to put a spanner in the works I'm interviewing for another local post shortly, if I get that it would be a massive spanner in the works!

PeterParkerSays Fri 19-Jun-15 12:25:11

I would sort out the ting with the three different jobs and then decide when to tell the employer you stick with. If you like the new job, why are you still interviewing for something else as well? I would pull out of that interview if you know you want this job, and tell your line manager by e-mail over the summer when the head of your department is in the south of France rather than waiting until September. coward

ammature Fri 19-Jun-15 12:35:42

Im not a coward! Wow, how unsupportive. I wouldnt be appointed until September so I wouldnt even be employed there, telling them any sooner would be a courtesy. And I am interviewing for the other post because I only found out I had been offered this one today, the interview for job three is today. Im not pulling out now, and I would like to know more about the other position before I do make a decision.

Hollyab12 Fri 19-Jun-15 12:49:53

Good luck for your interview! Bet you get it, jobs are like buses...
Wait until you know about this job before making up your mind. It does sound like you want the PT position, it shouldn't matter to them that you are pregnant, as you say this is about being right for the job in the longer term.

blueshoes Fri 19-Jun-15 12:52:06

You should tell as soon as you are 3 months. If I was your prospective employer, I'd already be annoyed if you told now and even more annoyed if you waited until Sept to tell. Personally I wouldn't be interviewing whilst pregnant as this is going to be an issue and start your new job on the wrong footing. Your colleagues will totally remember these things.

But I assume you applied for the roles before you knew you were pregnant and these things happen. You should minimise the disruption for your employer. Of course it is a courtesy and not a legal obligation, but it is not good form. People have long memories for this.

I am also surprised you accepted a job and are still interviewing. So if the interview goes well, you will throw the first offer you accepted out of the window?

Sheesh. I think you know how to look after yourself.

ammature Fri 19-Jun-15 13:51:27

I have not accepted the job offered to me, i am still deciding. my current role is part time and the new role is part time so the 2 positions would make a full time salary.

Oh and Im not 3 months pregnant i am 7 weeks today which is incredibly fragile and I can't see why i should turn down a job because of this.

I applied for the roles before I knew i was pregnant and spent many years trying to get my contract improved in my current place of work, sorry but we all have to pay the bills. I can't live on a part time salary for the sake of politeness! Also these positions are long term academic roles, taking some time off for maternity( which would be unpaid in the new place) is fair. Do men not apply for jobs during this time in their family life? What happens when life events happen to other people? Illness bereavement and so on. I really can't believe the hostile reaction i am receiving here. Thanks for your support Hollyab12

flowery Fri 19-Jun-15 14:16:41

I'll say what I normally say on these threads. if you tell a prospective employer you are pregnant before a decision has been made, one of three things will happen

1. They'll discriminate against you and not offer you the job even though you are the best candidate

2. They will be totally paranoid about rejecting a pregnant candidate, and will offer you the job even if you are not strictly the best candidate, and will resent you for it

3. They will not offer you the job because you are not the best candidate but you will always think/wonder whether this was because of your pregnancy

4. They will offer you the job because you are the best candidate but you may wonder whether it was because they were worried about discrimination claims

None of those is ideal. What is ideal is for a prospective employer to have the opportunity of making a decision about candidates for a role purely based on their skills, experience and capabilities, unencumbered by this type of personal information.

That way, whether you get the job or not, everyone will know it was nothing to do with your pregnancy.

Oh and I don't think Peter was calling you a coward.

timealone Fri 19-Jun-15 14:18:39

I would wait and see whether you like the 3rd job and then decide. Whichever new job you go for, I would then tell them about your pregnancy now, or at 12 weeks, whichever you feel most comfortable with. Of course you are totally entitled to take a new job, but just would be courteous to let them know this is coming up. If you have an idea of how long you are going to have off, and if you want to come back full time, it would also be nice to let them know.

If you do like the 3rd job, do make sure they let you know the outcome soon as you don't want to keep the 2nd job hanging on!

flowery Fri 19-Jun-15 14:27:48

I can't even count can I? One of four things, not three!

timealone Fri 19-Jun-15 14:33:59

That's basically what has happened flowery as they have already offered her the job...

juneau Fri 19-Jun-15 14:38:05

I wouldn't feel obliged to tell before 12 weeks as any pregnancy is really precarious at such an early stage and until you've had your scan you really can't know whether all will be well.

The four points that flowery made are all good too and I agree - if someone's partner is pregnant would they feel they had to fess up to any potential employers at this early stage? Of course not! Yet they would also be entitled to shared parental leave, so could potentially be needing time off to care for their DC.

Good luck with your interview OP and don't feel pressured to share this very personal news just yet. The lack of feminism on MN stuns me sometimes.

deepdarkwood Fri 19-Jun-15 14:39:12

I'm absolutely amazed at the flack you've had on here! Of course it's awkward, but you can't let the fact that you might be pregnant mean you stop applying for jobs....

I would wait and see what happens with the additional job (is it one you'd prefer to the job you have been offered?). When you get to 12 weeks, tell whoever you accept that you have just found out you're pregnant - dreadful timings, but that you are still 100% committed/happy to talk about returning after maternity(if you are)/don't want it to stand in the way of you being seen as not totally up for the job. As you say, at 7 weeks, you wouldn't normally be telling anyone at work anyway, as it's still such early days.

lavendersun Fri 19-Jun-15 14:43:56

Congratulations on both fronts smile.

I wouldn't tell anyone until after your first scan, after all that is the 'norm' in the workplace isn't it.

They will deal with it, it will be fine.

MemphisBella Fri 19-Jun-15 14:44:14

Firstly, sympathy - I'm 7 weeks too and if your hormones are like mine, then it's probably not much fun.

Don't tell them. It's very early, and sadly things do occasionally go wrong. If (like me) you bleed in pregnancy, it's entirely feasible that you wouldn't know yet.

I also think that the fact that you are looking for a long term position is important - presumably at some point you would avail yourself of maternity leave anyway, so sooner rather than later will, in the grand scheme of things, probably not make much difference.

Good luck. Don't feel guilty - it sucks that women have to take all this into account.

ammature Fri 19-Jun-15 16:10:23

Thank god some feminists have popped up, I also couldn't believe the flack I was getting there. This would be a university employing me now a small family business!

Peter, I would love to know if you are a man?

As it stands I have done so many additional hours over the past 4 academic years in my current role that I should be full time. This is well documented and the union want to get involved, But oh wait, I've been completely shafted and when i do go on matt leave will only get matt pay for the 3 days I do. It really is a mans world!

I had the interview for the third job, it went well and they will let me know on Monday, its local and no travel involved but not sure its right for my career although suits my life much more.

I will be going back to work F/T I think after baby, (who knows how I will feel) and I am very ambitious and career oriented. I haven't muddied the waters and I've been told i was the 'outstanding candidate' and its clear they are appointing me based on my merit. I'm sure my merit won't go out of the window because of motherhood and since I would be in post for the long term I'm sure my new employer may be far more understanding then some of the people on this thread.

Thanks to most of you for the sound advice, I will tell both my employers after I have had a scan.

bbcessex Fri 19-Jun-15 16:29:30

Congrats on the job offer, ammature.

In your situation, I absolutely would not tell the employer that I was pregnant until I had, at the very minimum, started the job(s), and even then, not until I was absolutely ready. Of course it's not ideal - its an added complication, but in your environment - especially in the new 2 day job where you'll have input into the syllabus and presumably be there for the long term, they'll get over it once they've seen how much value you'll add.

As you say - it's a university, not a small business who will struggle to cover absence.

Sounds like you a pretty hot commodity with all those job offers - good work!

ammature Fri 19-Jun-15 16:36:28

Aww thanks for the positivity bbc, I just don't think they realise what they have in my current place of work, so whilst I've been working my ass off too go full time there in light of wanted matt pay, career progress etc, this just highlights that other places really value what i am about and perhaps a change will be good for me.

bbcessex Fri 19-Jun-15 16:52:05

You're so right.. unfortunately often the only way to gain access to a role reflecting your true skill / value is to leave and make a fresh start.

Good luck with the job and the new baby :-)

lampshady Fri 19-Jun-15 17:32:09

Another congratulations from me on both fronts. You're obviously incredibly good at what you do and should be very proud you can ace two interviews at 7 weeks pregnant! I was a vomiting, sweaty mess at that stage.

ammature Fri 19-Jun-15 17:38:32

Aww thank you! No vom yet just exhausted all the bloody time! Preparing three presentations in one week on totally different topics was pretty tiring too. at least I got to nap on the train coming back blush

SolomanDaisy Fri 19-Jun-15 17:46:54

I think you should tell your new employers, purely because they may be able to use this recruitment round to appoint your maternity cover, so by being honest you are starting off on a good footing. They're a university and they've already offered you the job, so they're not going to withdraw the job offer.

Leviticus Fri 19-Jun-15 17:48:16

I think that pregnant women should have the same employment opportunities as anyone else.

I would decide on a job, accept it and address the pregnancy issue with them afterwards.

Bear in mind that your maternity pay entitlement with a new employer may be linked to your length of service with them.

Leviticus Fri 19-Jun-15 17:49:55

Sorry, yes if they've already offered then tell them as soon as out of courtesy. I wouldn't tell them prior to an offer.

eatingworms Fri 19-Jun-15 18:01:53

I can't see any reason why you should tell them any earlier than you normally would want to. Which for most people is after the 12 week scan once you know everything's looking normal. You're under no obligation to tell them yet.

ammature Fri 19-Jun-15 18:49:10

Yes that's correct I won't get any maternity pay from this employer just the time off allowed. I think I can tell them after the scan and that's the fairest way to approach it. Can't wait to tell my new employer I won't be available to fill in all the gaps for them anymore! Ha! Perhaps now will appreciate me a little more.

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