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When/how to tell work I am pregnant. Help pls

(10 Posts)
changedusernameactivemember Fri 06-Feb-15 21:51:22


After 2 miscarriages I have finally made it to 14 weeks. I pray to God that this time we'll make it. All scans and blood tests have been good so far.

Work doesn't know about previous pregnancies and consequent miscarriages and I always thought that I would leave it as late as possible to tell them (for some reason I don't think I trust them).

However, I have my annual appraisal in 2 weeks time and I feel like I should let them know then.

I will probably crumble with shame knowing that I have spent 1.5 hrs in the presence of my line manager and the CEO discussing my progress and next year's objectives knowing fully well that I will probably be away for at least a part of that year.
Also, my manager sort of pulled me aside yesterday asking if I could commit to not taking any holiday at the end of July as she wants to go away and I need to cover. We have a new CFO starting soon so she will have her holiday approved with her new boss based on me covering that period. My due date is first week of August and I felt really bad about it all. I just said I don't have any plans for holiday in that period and it's a bit too far in advance for me. It really worried me that I will ruin her holiday plans and how she will react to it when she finds out.

On top of this, at my first mw appt last week I bumped into a colleague from work shock I mean over 20 bloody hospitals in London and they went to the same one! While I don't have reasons to believe he has said anything yet, I'd be mortified if work were to find out from anyone else but me.

What do you think? Should I tell them at the end of the review? They normally announce the bonus & pay rise at the end, I am a bit worried that if I said anything before that I might not get either, am I being paranoid?

And how do I say it? I want to act professional, I have never done this before and have no knowledge of what I'm supposed to say really.

I've been working for them for three years and no one has been pregnant while I've been here and as far as I know I will be their first employee in this situation, therefore it is difficult to know how they will deal with it.

Also, there is no mention of any maternity pay in my contract, should I ask what their policy is or do I just assume that I'll get the SMP?

Ladies, any help with this will be much appreciated, thank you.

Stubbed Fri 06-Feb-15 21:58:05

To be honest, if you think going on mat leave is going to make things difficult for your colleagues, then you should tell them as soon as you can. I personally wouldn't wait for the appraisal. Telling them first will give them some to work out what they will do.

Managers don't like surprises as a rule.

I would ask for their maternity policy though or offer to draft one of it doesn't exist.

CQ Fri 06-Feb-15 22:07:24

First of all, congratulations flowersflowers

I think you have to detach feelings of obligation from knowing exactly what you're entitled to, and what they are obliged to do or say and NOT do or say.

There is lots of protection in place now against discrimination against pregnant women. If they do not give you a bonus and pay rise that they were otherwise going to, then that is discrimination.

You are perfectly entitled not to tell them anything until 15 weeks before your due date.

But I realise that you also want to keep them onside and be professional.

Arm yourself with the facts - this is a really useful starting point.

I wouldn't worry about how your line manager will react - if she is anything other than professional then keep a note of any comments and dates, in case you need to pull them up on it. Hopefully she will be delighted for you.

Once you've had a good read of the information you will feel calmer and be able to plan when you want to tell them, not when you feel obliged to. If you feel the need to explain the delay in telling them, then you could tell them about previous medical history, but you shouldn't have to.

Hope that helps, and good luck.

FishWithABicycle Fri 06-Feb-15 22:10:47

I wouldn't tell them till after the appraisal/payrise/bonus myself. You don't have to tell them till 25 weeks. 18 weeks would be sooner than you have to and still after these decisions have been made.

changedusernameactivemember Fri 06-Feb-15 22:23:44

Thank you both for taking the time to reply.

I understand that managers don't like surprises and they need time to paln, and I thought that bringing it up at 16 weeks gives them plenty of time to prepare?

If I was to tell them before my appraisal and at the appraisal I receive no bonus/payrise how on earth would I ever prove their decision has not been influenced by recent developments in my "situation"?

I mean this is a company whose CEO has told me that I will only receive 5 days of holiday for a 6 months period as they were trying to asses my commitment towards the company and therefore taking holiday would have been frowned upon! I was like "surely this is illegal" confused so I had to actually google it and show him what the holiday entitlement is in the UK by law shock He claimed he didn't know and had to call HR. I really believe he hoped that I did not know sad It is not possible that after running a business for more than 15 years he really did not know!

Thank you so much for the link CQ it really is helpful.

FishWithABicycle Sat 07-Feb-15 06:27:38

If I was to tell them before my appraisal and at the appraisal I receive no bonus/payrise how on earth would I ever prove their decision has not been influenced by recent developments in my "situation"?

Exactly. Tbh any company that does treat you badly due to pregnancy is not one that deserves your skills and experience, so long term perhaps start looking around for alternatives, but that's a long way off.

Contracts often don't mention maternity policy. If it's a big enough company you may find details on the hr intranet pages. Otherwise, work on the assumption that its statutory minimum only. Don't ask about it the same day/week you break them the news, but a bit later.

TheMightyMing Sat 07-Feb-15 07:02:04

Congrats! Great news!
I would definitely wait till bonus and salary discussions in hand- call me a cynic but certainly at our place pregnancy and maternity seem to be not well handled.

Nolim Sat 07-Feb-15 07:24:59

The ceo sounds like a pita. Assume that you will get the minimum required by law and document all communications regarding your pregnancy.

Regarding notice you have to balance your consideration for your managers/colleagues and whether you will be threated fairly. It seems that your company is not family friendly so i suggest to look after your interests first and let them figure out the rest.

TakingTheStairs Thu 12-Feb-15 09:19:16

I would wait until after your appraisal and bonus have been discussed. 100%. And get it in writing.
Then the week afterwards tell them of your pregnancy.
The previous incident with the holiday entitlement would ring a lot of warning bells for me.

AKnickerfulOfMenace Thu 12-Feb-15 09:23:15

Given the holiday situation, I too would wait until after the appraisal.


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