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My bully left. What to do next?

(10 Posts)
autumnleaves123 Tue 09-Dec-14 08:58:55

My personal bully, line manager, left after I took the issue of bullying and harassment to the union. She bullied for a year mainly because I reported the misconduct and misbehaviour of a member of staff I supervise. Also, this person I supervise has a very reduced workload, and because she’s got health issues, she refuses to do a lot of work, and uses the health issue to “misbehave”.

My ex line manager told me literally: “She’s got health issues so she can misbehave”. It took me more than a year on bullying and harassment from both parties to realise what was really going on. It was the union rep who pointed out that what was happening to me was actually bullying. I was so confused and disoriented by the whole situation.

Now the bully left but I’m still grieved about the bullying that went on for so long. I fear that my new line manager will bully me if I report anything about this person I’m supervising. I really don’t know what to do. I have felt so much fear for so long and I have lost my trust in management.

I fear that the bully’s attitudes towards me were encouraged on the quiet by other members of the team. Also, a lot of them seem to sympathise with the bully who had to leave, when they saw exactly what was going on. It seems that whatever step I take within the team, I’m always wrong.

I work part time and this job really suits me in many ways. I don’t want to leave but I think that working part time has made my situation worse. Any advice please?

baffledmum Tue 09-Dec-14 12:31:20

Standing up to a bully takes a lot of effort. YOur post reflects the fact that you now have time to think and consider what has happened. However, most of your post is "I think or I feel..." in other words it is your perception of things and you describe feeling a loss of trust. I would recommend contacting your employer's Employee Assistance Programme to see what counselling is available or even your GP for the same. I think you are looking for something called CBT, where although you cannot change other people's behaviours you can adjust your own responses to it, hopefully becoming less anxious and worried in the process.

Westendgal Tue 09-Dec-14 13:23:49

Well done! Bullies hardly ever get what they deserve. Agree, you need to process what's happened with professional help. And, yes, part time often means you are (unfairly) on the back foot. Good luck.

autumnleaves123 Tue 09-Dec-14 16:08:20

Thank you for your replies, baffled and West. Yes, I'm drained after such a task, plus suffering from a lot of stress accumulated from months of difficult after difficult situation. It was an absolute nightmare working with this woman.

It was a horrible, and nobody in the team is showing me any support. They might think it's my fault she left. I suppose everyone is trying is just looking after themselves.

I will try to get counselling, either through my GP or HR.

ChowNowBrownCow Sun 14-Dec-14 15:51:16

Hi autumn leaves. Well done for tackling the bullying and harassment issues at work- it took me 14 years to report my line manager and I only did that when I could see she was doing it to our apprentices ( the mum in me came out and didn't want them bullied too.) managers in a more senior position were aware but over the years turned a blind eye. This has led to mistrust of them and I'm afraid, when you report things of a serious nature which leads to someone leaving, whether though dismissal or not, you have to just get on with it. People do not want to be involved generally. I do sympathise, I know exactly what it is like to work with that type of person, all I can say is pick yourself up, dust yourself off and do the best you can with your work. Get advice if you need to. flowers

Millerpup Sun 14-Dec-14 20:05:27

The law states that everyone has the right to be treated with dignity and respect regardless of what position they hold. Bullying is unacceptable.
You did the right thing by going to your union rep but to regain your confidence go back to the union rep and ask to speak with someone in the union head office and discuss your fears with them in confidence going forward. Thats what you pay your subs for.
You could also obtain a copy of your employee handbook that should state what the company's policy is on bullying, and again this should reassure you that you did everything right.
As for your team they will probably be thankful for what you did and they will soon be talking about smeone or something else very soon. Good Luck !

autumnleaves123 Mon 15-Dec-14 16:07:55

Thank you so much for your replies and kind words of support. Even though the bully is gone, I still feel uncertain about the future. I don't feel the crippling anxiety and stomach cramps any more, which is a good thing, but the experience was quite traumatic as a whole.

I did ask the Union for advice, but my union rep hasn't come back to me in weeks, which is not a good sign either. It's like everybody prefers turning a blind eye on the whole situation.

ChowNowBrownCow Mon 15-Dec-14 17:08:46

The bully I worked with, called a 18 year old a f***ing chinky, she did that twice in my ear shot. The girl next to me is white and has a black partner who she is now having a baby with, the bully found it hilarious that he was black and did not hold back her comments on having a baby by a black man. She undermined me all the years I worked with her, often deliberately trying to get me into trouble. She shouted at all young members of staff, screwed there work up in front of them, made them cry - I work for the council in a huge open plan office but no one reported her bullying behavior. She was suspended which after her pathetic appeals she was dismissed after 31 years service! These people are very clever - but she was known for her tantrums, swearing and her hatred of other people. So when questioned under pressure, the truth came out and she was fired. But, even despite the trauma of going through all that, not one manager has asked if I'm ok.not one! People just don't understand how hard it is, they think the bully has gone so you must be ecstatic! It leaves a bitter taste, and I hope one day to get another job. After the Xmas break, I am going to book an appointment with the OT. Maybe talking it through will help me draw a line under it, maybe that's and option for you too? As you say, the job suits you in many ways, so maybe trying ways to cope is the answer? I hope you can feel settled at work and be assured that most normal thinking people will think you were brave for doing what you did, well done!

Millerpup Mon 15-Dec-14 19:21:13

Don't bother with your union rep anymore if they have failed to get back to you. Ring the union's head office (google the name of the union for the number) make sure you have your membership number with you and tell them who you work for, they will put you in contact with someone.

autumnleaves123 Wed 24-Dec-14 08:22:28

Thank you all for your kind replies and sharing your experiences. Union rep never got back to me so I will call union directly in the new year. I've got their card with all details in it. Posting here and reading your replies has given so much peace of mind and reassurance. Thank you!

Have a lovely Christmas and New Year!

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