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Email mistake

(9 Posts)
Twighlightsparkle Wed 26-Mar-14 21:01:24

I have longstanding huge issues of 12 years of bullying and harassment at work.

The back story Is way too complex and long to go into. Unfortunately the manager trying to sort out the problem initially was very supportive but the past few months has decided to change from " stopping the bullying" to stating he feels " it's a tit for Tat situation"

He sent an email to HR this week and mistakenly sent it to me , in it he said he was struggling to manage my persistent irrational behaviours.

He has since apologised that " it wasn't intended for you to see" but I'm v upset by the fact I'm thought of in this way, and nothing has been resolved re the bullying issue.

My question really is, do I just accept the apology? Do I contact my union ? Do i press him for more info on why he thinks this?

AndHarry Wed 26-Mar-14 21:19:29

I am in no way qualified to give advice on employment but 12 years?! Contact your union and start looking for a new job.

simonelebonbon Wed 26-Mar-14 21:21:02

Regardless of what people will tell you to your face, they will always have their opinion. You now know his. I've always avoided putting my (work) opinions on email to avoid them coming back to haunt me later.

In light of what has happened, I would now give him a very wide berth and deal directly with HR on this. Workplaces seem to be operate on lies and half truths these days. In my previous career, I gave up trusting anyone. No one is your friend, sorry.

Twighlightsparkle Wed 26-Mar-14 21:42:23


I wish I could find another job, I have a really specialised public sector job, really difficult to get another job, however giving up,our home and way of life is probably preferable to this hell.

simonelebonbon Wed 26-Mar-14 22:15:25

It sounds like you need a change.

Could you somehow take a sideways step. Even if you step sideways and down a step it might be worth it. You just can't win in some situations.

ilovemountains Wed 26-Mar-14 23:15:44

I would just accept the apology and move on with your life. I'm afraid I don't understand what you are hoping to achieve with your other two options (contacting a union or asking for clarification). After twelve years a new job might be the best thing, even if it isn't a perfect fit initially. In the short term it may not be the best thing for your career, but I imagine could be very beneficial for your mental health and self esteem.

flowery Thu 27-Mar-14 09:21:45

I think the fact that he was previously supportive and is now perhaps not so supportive is indicative that he is not an unsupportive manager generally, but genuinely believes it is a tit for tat situation. The email to HR saying he is struggling managing your behaviour also backs this up.

You may believe you are not showing any irrational behaviours and/or are not doing anything else that could be considered tit for tat, but it sounds like he genuinely thinks that and is genuinely struggling to manage you. Yes it's unfortunate you saw the email but really, if you feel you have been bullied for 12 years, I would suggest focusing on a mistaken email is probably not sensible. If he genuinely believes some of your behaviour is irrational and is struggling to deal with it, there is nothing wrong in terms of the content of the email, it's just unfortunate you saw it.

Are you in the middle of a grievance about this bullying? You mention considering contacting your union, but I would expect them to already be involved, surely?

DumbleDee Thu 27-Mar-14 13:16:32

Investigating claims like this is a minefield. He made a mistake so I would leave it and move on. Are you prepared to accept his findings?

myitchybeaver Thu 27-Mar-14 13:38:58

Is it possible that you are displaying 'persistent irrational behaviours'?

Nobody likes hearing negatives things about themselves but is it worth doing some soul searching?

12 years is a long time to be complaining about bullying and harassment at work and my immediate reaction is why have you continued to put yourself in this position for that length of time.

I think you need to be really honest with yourself about what's going on here. You seeing that email may turn out to be a blessing if it opens your mind to your part in what's going on.

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