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Manager said something very inappropriate!

(14 Posts)
Avacathar Wed 19-Mar-14 19:45:19

Hi all. I went back to work after being off for 5 weeks for WRS and also had visits to A&E for picking up a nasty infection and needing IV antibiotics,

No return to work meeting this morning which is a procedure...
Its a very active job and I was off for a physical problem( the most recent week off, i thought i would be asked how i am, it was a 7 1/2 hour shift and I wasn't even asked how I was feeling.

I went to speak to a manager for three reasons

1. I wasn't rota-ed for the next two week
2. I have have two days of training since returning to work from maternity leave six months ago, and don't think its fair people who started at Christmas now know more departments than I do.
3. I had a disciplinary investigatory meeting 6 weeks ago and still haven't heard any outcome, it is causing me a lot of stress as evident in getting signed off.

To the first issue, he asked me if i had holiday booked to which I responded no, I am 100% sure I didn't book holiday.
Secondly, his response to my training query he replied 'you have to be here' which was a sly dig to my time off, which he shouldn't have said surely? he then went on to say 'I am unreliable' as I had 5 weeks off, so why should they train me. As a parent on flexible working I should be treated equally to my other colleagues. I have worked for the company for three years, I have only had set days off for 6 months and for previous years I have worked full time, with plenty of over-time! I felt really hurt by this, i can't help being in hospital, and its works fault I haven't been in anyway as their treating me so unfairly. In reference to the disciplinary investigatory, he said the company's HR can take as long as they want? how is that fair? I'm stressing about this disciplinary as it is going against statutory rights (which I have already discussed with ACAS and citizens advice)

The most alarming thing he said to me was that 'it was my choice to have a child' what does that even mean? I chose to have a child yes, but like millions of other parents that work I have the right to support from my employer and I should be treated equally, anyway I walked out of the office crying went to get my stuff as my shift had finished and left work in tears, he didn't come after me?

Should he have apologised?

I spoke to ACAS who have told me to request a meeting with the three managers and our area manager to voice my concerns and talk through any issues. I have then been told to go through the grievance procedure. I just want to hand my notice in but I do not want to be unemployed and cannot find another job at present til I get my diploma in may sad

whats everyone opinions on this?


FabULouse Thu 20-Mar-14 13:08:15

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Avacathar Thu 20-Mar-14 18:57:49

In my current job role there have been significant changes since I have been on maternity leave, I do feel undervalued, but I just feel like the company are trying to upset me to entice me to leave. I have never cried in the work place before (apart form when i got sent up to A&E years ago but that's different). In the past I have always been able to keep myself calm, however the way he spoke and completely ignored the points I was trying to make was really getting to me.

I didn't intend to manipulate him at all. I wanted to speak to him about the three points I had made but his irrational and down right unprofessional responses really didn't help the situation. From a person in authority who has clearly upset a member of his staff, I don't think it is a unreasonable to come and see if his employee is okay? I completely see where you are coming from in regards to 'an arms length' he doesn't know or my situation, all he knows from me is what he has learnt over our very few encounters.

I arrived at work 20 minutes before my shift yesterday 8:40 expecting it to happen, however as I was early a different manager and I completed my normal Wednesday morning job. so that is two managers who failed to follow procedure. My place of work is tricky, if something important isn't done before 10:30 it isn't going to get done until the next day, It isn't a care home or care related, it is a large company and at present there is no training that is mandatory. However there is a levels system which comes with a raise in hourly rate but I haven't had any levels signed off because I am not rota-ed to train on different departments.

They had a doctors note signed from 5 weeks ago stating I was unfit for work for WRS as I had got very annoyed he said that, my doctor told me to seek legal advice in matters concerning work and understood how I had got so worked up there. I had no issues up until Christmas but this new manager has started since then

I have had many managers come and go since I have been in this employment and I have always shown them respect, this is why I was so shocked to be spoken to by someone I have always seen as an authoritative man. I am planning to leave, but not until a more appropriate job comes up and they do not know about my intentions. I am only leaving as I need a job where I can work 16 hours without needing to work an evening, however they have told me if I want to work 16 hours I have to work an evening. Other than that I do want to stay where I work. I have made strong friendships with various colleagues, and I dote on some of my customers.

As the only parent with a child under 5 in the work place out of 25 + staff I do think they are trying to push me out so they can have the rest of the staff on complete flexibility.

Thanks for your thoughts, in retrospect when I wrote this I was very fired up and have a good nights sleep and studying today to calm me down. I still believe I have been unfairly treated. I have written a letter to my regional manager (just need to send it in morning) requesting a meeting to voice everything. So hopefully it won't take too long to be resolved, in the meantime I will request that he doesn't speak to me unless it is work related.

therighttoshoes Thu 20-Mar-14 19:35:32

Absolutely raise the issues of the back to work interview (this is your opportunity to state that the possible outcome of the investigation contributed to you being off) and the fact that you are not on the rota.
Anything else you need to let go off. After just being off for 5 weeks I don't think you are in a position to question why you have not received any further training, it is also not your managers job to ask how you are feeling (If you felt you were not fit to be at work you shouldn't be there, by coming back to work your manager will assume you "feeling" better) nor is it his job to chase after you when you become emotional in a professional environment.

Technical Thu 20-Mar-14 19:49:52

I'm sure everything you say regarding your rights is correct but try and look at it from his POV.

He's right, you do need to be there to be trained. Not your fault that you weren't but not his either. We don't know how your disciplinary hearing will turn out but I'd be reluctant to spend time training someone with that hanging over them too.

I don't think it was good timing on your part to raise these issues immediately on your return from 5 weeks off. Yes, he should have asked how you are and yes you definitely should have had a return to work interview but your absence will have impacted on him and your colleague and you could at least acknowledge that too. (As I said, not your fault but not theirs either)

He shouldn't have said what he did about having a child but were you asking for special allowances as a result of having a child?

ACAS were brilliant when DH needed help on a disciplinary matter, so you're talking to the right people.

You do need to try and keep your emotions out of it and under control. I'm afraid people who run off crying when they don't get the answers they want wouldn'tt be first on the list for development from me either.

Avacathar Thu 20-Mar-14 20:00:48

I wasn't complaining that for fact I hadn't been rota-ed for training this week, I was pointing out that I had received two days in six months which does seem unfair when people have started since Christmas now know more departments than me.

I was due back to work last week as I was feeling better, my blood pressure was down and I was sleeping properly again, However I was then signed off for a physical problem. If there are procedures in place to support people who have been off from work then why should they not implement them with me?

I would like to think If I had upset someone in the work place then I would go and see if they were okay, that's just common courtesy. Also as you said it is a professional environment so why should he make emotive statements, that are his opinion that have nothing to do with my performance at work?Me being a parent shouldn't have anything to do with how I am treated at work.

As I said I have written a letter to my area manager, but thank you for your thoughts, it will give me something to think over when a meeting takes place. I have to be prepared to be questioned, once again I shall maintain being calm and I know nothing inappropriate will be said so I will not get upset in the presence of higher management. In the mean time I shall ask for the manager not to speak to me unless it is work related.

Avacathar Thu 20-Mar-14 20:10:20

My Disciplinary investigatory was reference to 3 absences in a 26 week period, on one date I came into work and had to leave to get daughter from nursery as nursery said she was unwell. On another date I was Ill and on the third date my daughter had conjunctivitis so she couldn't attend nursery, work then went to issue the letter and short term absence policy that clearly stated how time off for dependents and family emergencies were excluded. I have been reassured by ACAS that this is a statutory right not just a work place procedure.

I said to him I was very concerned about the lack seriousness with getting back to me about the DI as it is really stressing me out. My daughter is full time at nursery and in 7 months the poor little might has picked up illnesses which is so easy to do. If she has has impacted my attendance in the first 6 months and my work are trying to go down the disciplinary route (which by law they cant) If I take more time off surely they can just get rid off me (according to their laws). Child or not I should have been told the outcome before I was signed off ( 7 days after meeting).

As I said its the first time I have cried at work in this way, I can keep my cool. I can keep my cool at work, I have to everyday when customers loose their cool in my face, but already being wound up by him (was in office for about 15 mins)

thanks for your thoughts again I just want to see what people think of the situation so I am fully prepared for meeting.

PortofinoRevisited Thu 20-Mar-14 20:15:10

Seeing this from the other side, you had a disciplinary meeting, then went sick. On your return, you complain about the training you should have had. Of course they wouldn't book you in for training if you are sick. In what context did he mention that you chose to have a child? Yes - they should have had a back to work interview. What is the issue re. working in the evening? If it is normal part of the job and all your colleagues are expected to do it? Did you work evenings before? Have you working conditions changed since you came back from ML?

Avacathar Thu 20-Mar-14 20:30:50

I didn't go in to complain about lack of training as a main focus, I mentioned that I would like to, it is an issue that I have raised before. Its not a case of booking me in, if I am not rota-ed for next week in my eyes it would make sense to shadow me on other departments so they are not pointlessly over staffed.

Oh I am just generally looking for a new job so I don't work 10 - 10:30 pm as it is a long day and I don't see my daughter at all. I have worked evenings for them and will continue to until I leave.

I worked evenings before maternity leave and didnt have any set days off, however since coming back to work I have set days to make this easier for my childcare. Throughout my employment there have been numerous staff that have not worked evenings for things as trivial as football training or darts..

The work place has changed we all have folders to note our progress and completion of training in departments ( I have asked for one but nothing has come of it) There are staff meetings every week on a Sunday, of which I have been asked to attend none and not told of the proceedings.

I wrote it down yesterday but left it in my locker at work, it was in reference to my disciplinary investigation. I said Yes I am a a parent how am I meant to come in when my child is ill? To which I thought that was a very inappropriate response.

Thank you for your thoughts, I understand everyone has their own opinions and I am taking on board everything people are saying, I know a lot of people on here are professionals and have knowledge of the work place from various levels in management etc x

Technical Thu 20-Mar-14 20:34:43

Well, it is your problem, not your employer's when your child is ill. Presumably your child has a father, it's unfair on your employer if it always falls to you.

Football training isn't trivial - it's a commitment that's important in the life of that particular colleague. If you're dismissive of your colleague's commitments you can't expect them to understand (or care about) yours.

therighttoshoes Thu 20-Mar-14 22:33:17

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you

FabULouse Thu 20-Mar-14 23:18:25

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dinosaursareextinct Thu 20-Mar-14 23:24:25

You should be able to hold out till May - not long. TBH you do sound rather whingey and entitled.

HotDogHotDogHotDiggityDog Fri 21-Mar-14 15:59:24

I can understand from your managers point of view.

You've just had a disciplinary for have 3 separate absences in a 26 week period. Then had another for 5 weeks. So thats your 4th.

You're saying that other people who started at christmas know more than you do, but it hasn't even been 12 weeks since the beginning of the year. You've only been there for 7 weeks this year. While the last sickness absence wasn't your fault, you can hardly complain your colleagues are more informed about areas of work than you.

To approach him on your first day back about how unfair it is about your training is a bit hmm. Considering the amount of time you have had off, they may be questioning your dedication to your job because of your latest sickness and the reasons for disciplinary.

Re the staff meetings. Yes, you should be given minutes of the meetings, but to complain they are held on sundays when you are not there is a piss take. It seems to me as though you want them to change the way they work and what is best for them as a company, just because you are the only one who has a small child.

There are rights as an employee to have flexible working considered, but it shouldn't be there to piss take and expect the rest of your team to pick up the slack.

You do sound very hard work and entitled.

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