Need some HR advise to get things into perspective... is my boss being reasonable?

[jemjelly]

I am gong through an awful time at the moment, its a long story but the gist of it is my DH has been out of work for the past 18 months, he suffers from OCD and depression, he is in no fit state to work and we are having to sell our home to a housing association as we are unable to pay the bills on my salary alone.

As you can imagine I am very stressed and just not coping with anything, home or work due to everything that is going on. My state of mind will hopefully improve soon once this has all been dealt with but I can't sleep because I am so stressed, I wake up every morning at 3am with panic attacks and I'm very tearful all the time. I spent most of yesterday crying on an off at work and had to hide in the toilets on the train going home as the tears just kept on falling.

To add to my problems my line manager has made it clear to me that he was not happy with both my time keeping (due to a couple trains being cancelled) and my work. I always work over at the end of the day to make up any time if I am late and and even if I am not late I generally stay int he office longer than I am contracted to as I like to finish off what I am doing before I leave the office.

I have tried to tell my line manager about the other issues I am dealing with and that this will (hopefuly) all be resolved in the next few weeks as we started the process in November, my work will (hopefully) soon be back up to standard but he is not interested and very unsympathetic. It probably doesn;t help that everytime I try and talk about it I cry and find it hard to communicate. I am not normally like this.

I managed to get an appointment with my GP this afternoon to see if he will prescribe me something to help deal with the stress but it means I need to leave work 2 hours early today. My line manager told me I could not go and would have to go in my own time, this is the only appointment I could get and I really think I need to see a doctor to try and get some help dealing with everything I am going through. I feel like I am at breaking point as I feel worse daily. The next available appointment is not until Monday and I just don't think I can wait that long to get some help.

I always make up any time that I miss and offered to work an extra 2 hours next week to do this. Can my line manager stop me going to the doctors? Is he being unreasonable.

Sorry about the long post I am upset and my thoughts are very jumbled.

[Lavenderhoney]

You need to keep a diary of all interaction with him, and anything he says in writing back up with an email or you email him to ask. Print emails and keep copies outside work.

Your company have a duty of care and your circumstances are very stressful. Do you have legal help with your home insurance or anything? Have a look and if so talk through with them.

You could also go direct to HR to get advise, but remember they work for the company and not you. What about your bosses boss?

Do you think he is trying to manage you out?

Hopes things get better for you

[2014ThisIsMyYear]

You boss is certainly not being supportive. Does your workplace have any written policies or guidelines, employee handbook etc which covers your actions in cases of travel disruption, attending medical appointments and so on? The printed emails need to show that you are adhering to the policies (as I'm sure you are). Hope things improve soon.

[jemjelly]

Thanks for the advice.

Before I left work I managed to speak to someone in HR and also sent them an email advising them what my line manager has said, she advised me I should go to see my GP as I clearly needed support and promised she would send an email to my line manager.

I went to see my GP and cried all over again. I am registering 22 out of 27 on the depression chart, my GP has given me sleeping tablets and anti depressants and also signed me off work for two weeks, I am now really worried what my line manager will say, my DH is going to ring tomorrow and speak to him on my behalf as I feel I can't face him at the moment. I have worked for this man for 12 years and really think I deserve a bit more compassion.

[Lavenderhoney]

Make sure you email hr as well, cc your line manager.

Hope you feel better soon

[idinnehaveaclue]

Having been around the block a few times, I wouldn't expect compassion from any line manager. Yes, it would be nice but often doesn't happen.

At the moment, you need to put yourself first so if that means getting signed off and staying at home then so be it. HR exist to make sure that the company gets the human stuff right because left to their own devices managers tend to fuck up.

I would email HR and tell them that you are concerned about taking time off. Ask them for an up to date copy of their sickness policy. Play by their rules and keep them in the loop of what is happening and you should be fine.

I hope you feel better soon.