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Anxiety over unfairness of work and leaving

(6 Posts)
Poppy67 Fri 01-Nov-13 11:40:07

I have just been told that my contract won't be renewed which was always a possibility. But, my employers are lying about my work and what I have done plus my managers have been taking credit for all my stuff. I know that this will get around the office and gossiped about which is a pain but shit happens. But I feel so angry and unfair about their treatment towards me, it is eating me up. I don't sleep or eat. But I needed to lose several stone so that's the only good thing to happen as a result of this. I have no one in RL to talk to or at work as I've been to to keep quiet. It goads me that they can get away with this. I haven't been there a year so no rights whatsoever. I feel I should send the person who claims to be HR a complaint letter but wonder if it is worth it. I know the outcome won't change but it might make me feel better. How can I stop feeling so bitter and anxious about my treatment. I'm the wrong side of 50 so feel worthless.

EBearhug Fri 01-Nov-13 21:20:38

I feel your pain - I can take a lot of rubbish in life, but unfair treatment really makes me see red.

The things they're taking credit for, can you put together any evidence of your contribution? Try not to think of it as a complaint, but a review of your achievements - this will be useful to you anyway, because if you are going anyway, you'll need to go through this sort of thing to apply to other jobs anyway.

Do you get an exit interview at all? It needn't stop you if you don't - my last employers got 3 sides of A4* when I went, and I heard a couple of years after than some of the points I raised had improved - no idea if my input made any difference, though.

In the end though, you just need to get over it, especially as writing a complaint letter may not make any difference. Bitterness is not a good emotion, because you're the one who suffers most. If you really are struggling this much, perhaps counselling could be an option, to talk it through, or CBT to find better coping strategies and different ways of thinking about it. Plus all the normal stuff like a healthy diet, regular exercise, enough sleep and so on - you say you're having trouble with this, and the world is always so much harder to deal with when you're sleep deprived. Your immediate health and self-care is within your control, whereas the rest of it may not be, so try to turn the energy you're spending on thinking over the unfairness of it all into caring for yourself. I do know this is far, far easier to say than for you to do (or indeed, for myself to do - this is definitely a "do as I say, not as I do" post!)

* I know, hard to believe I can be a bit verbose, what with my short, pithy posts. Ahem. I would probably advise something shorter for most people.

flowery Fri 01-Nov-13 22:43:30

You can easily spend hours, days, weeks bemoaning unfairness, and believe me I know I've done it.

But ultimately I find the best way to feel better about a situation I am not happy about is to be doing something about it. So you need a plan of action.

Firstly, remember that you cannot control other people's actions, you can only control your own reactions to their actions. So you can't change anything anyone did or said, you can only choose how you are going to respond.

Secondly, think practical. I'm not sure who they are lying to about your work, but think about how their actions actually impinge on you now. If it's a question of being concerned about what reference they will give a future employer, then think about what action you can take to resolve that concerns. Think about what impact what's happened will actually have in reality, other than just a sense of injustice, and make a plan to deal with whatever the impact is.

Thirdly focus on the future. Ok, your contract won't be renewed, which you knew might happen. So you need something else. Make a plan for that as well, including how you can best leverage your last year at your current employer to help you secure the role you want. Get as much out of your current job as you possibly can to help you. Might include contacts, testimonials, getting experience of anything you can while you are still there, whatever it might be.

Best of luck.

LilMissSunshine9 Fri 01-Nov-13 23:05:52

coming from someone who is in a situation similar to you - don't even bother spending another second of your time and energy dwelling on it because if you complain guarantee nothing will change. Just focus on your future and where you want to go and what job you want to do.

I am working on my exit strategy and feel so much more in control spending my time and energy on that instead of trying to get the recognition and promotion I deserve

Poppy67 Sat 02-Nov-13 05:05:09

Thank you all for your advice. I know I should not let them get to me and so next week I will focus on moving forward. After all, sadly there are worse things which happen in life so I must get out of the pity me mood. I like the thought of listing achievements in the exit interview , great idea. Thank you.

Putthatbookdown Sat 02-Nov-13 11:55:14

Move on They are never going to value you so find someone who will

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