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Am I being bullied?

(31 Posts)
youaintallthat Thu 04-Jul-13 10:45:58

I'm just sat here waiting for my boss to come to my house to visit me and I feel really uncomfortable about it. I'm 19 weeks pregnant but off sick because I had to have a cervical stitch and have been told I need best rest. Despite this my boss referred me to an appointment at occupational health to 'get me back to work' I phoned occ health to say I'm on bed rest can't come and they were fine with it told me they would email my manager and explain there was nothing that could be done as my job involves a lot of lifting which I can't do.
The same day my manager phoned me without waiting for their report asking what was said and was obviously pissed off when I said they had agreed I couldn't return to work. She then told me because I have already had one pregnancy related sickness in the past year prior to cervical stitch I'm on a final written warning for sickness. Other people in my department who she happens to be really good friend with outside work have had more sickness than me and haven't even had an informal warning.
She then said she had to visit my house as it was policy with someone from hr. hr got in touch with her and told her that I wasn't on a final written warning and they had no need to see me at home, however he is adamant she is still coming alone and due to be here in 30 mind. I'm supposed to be on bed rest as she knows but she is still adamant she is coming and I'm breaching policy if I don't let her ( I have requested policy but he hasn't sent it prior to coming) I just feel really uncomfortable about her coming as she has made it pretty clear by her behaviour towards me in the past that she doesn't like me and I just feel really vulnerable to be lay on sofa in pjs when she comes thinking she is just going to be judging me and my house. I can't stop panicking about her arrival. I was in such a state earlier dh has come home from work to be with me while she is here. But what I want to know is, is she BU? I know someone who was recently off sick for longer than I've been off and she didn't get any visits at all...

youaintallthat Thu 04-Jul-13 10:46:25

Bed rest not best rest

FluffyDucky Thu 04-Jul-13 10:52:37

Hmm I'd have to say yes about BU. I don't know much about employment law etc.. but I know the company I work for, if you are off pg related sickness they can't/won't do anything about it. I think it's great your dh will be there, as a witness if anything.
Are you part of a union? And I'm pretty sure for sickness you can't go straight on a final written!

youaintallthat Thu 04-Jul-13 10:55:12

I thought that a woman I wok with ( who happens to be sil of manager) has been off 4 times in 6 months I've been off twice but she hasn't even had informal meetings yet....I wish I had sickness policy so I could check

FluffyDucky Thu 04-Jul-13 10:56:06

I found this link too employment law
It doe's sound like what you have described can be bullying

youaintallthat Thu 04-Jul-13 10:57:18

Oh thank you so much will quickly read before she arrives smile

FluffyDucky Thu 04-Jul-13 11:09:28

Let us know how it goes!!

youaintallthat Thu 04-Jul-13 11:26:30

Will do I'm still waiting she was supposed to be here 30 mins ago..feel like I'm waiting for the dentist!

youaintallthat Thu 04-Jul-13 11:57:46

Still no sign of her, no phone calls to cancel and her phone is off!! If she isn't here in next 30 mins I'm going getting back in bed and not answering door an hour and a half late is just too rude by my standards with no prior warning......

fubbsy Thu 04-Jul-13 12:00:04

Go to bed now! She is an hour late, she has missed the appointment.

Numberlock Thu 04-Jul-13 12:00:57

I wouldn't let her in and I would seek legal advice via a free one-hour appointment. Good luck.

TheSmallPrint Thu 04-Jul-13 12:04:41

I'd record your meeting on the phone too - just in case.

Allice Thu 04-Jul-13 12:04:56

I think she's being outrageous, I'd put in a grievance to HR too. I can understand that its frustrating Bering short staffed but you just can't carry on like that.

TheSmallPrint Thu 04-Jul-13 12:05:30

Oh I see she hasn't bothered to show. I'd be putting something in writing about that too.

fubbsy Thu 04-Jul-13 12:06:03

You might want to contact Maternity Action for advice. They have an advice line 0845 600 8533.

Floggingmolly Thu 04-Jul-13 12:08:28

I wouldn't even contemplate letting her in. Btw, you can't be sacked for pregnancy related illness, as no doubt HR will have already informed her; so yes, her behaviour is bullying.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Thu 04-Jul-13 12:11:55

Outrageous, bullying and probably illegal. I wouldn't have answered the door to her if she was ten minutes early and I certainly wouldn't answer it if she deigns to turn up now! (perhaps HR have persuaded her that her visit is a bad idea?)

If I were you I'd write down in as much detail as possible, including dates and times, of the conversations she and you have had about this. Keep and collate printouts of any emails or letters too. Then go to HR and if they can't help, seek legal advice.

jemstipp Thu 04-Jul-13 12:17:33

Tell her you will be seeking legal advice, employers can be right gits. I was squeezed out of my place of work almost two years ago by constructive dismissal. The day I told them I was pregnant, 2 hours later they told me I could take voluntary redundancy or be dropped down to 2 or even one days a week (from a 5 day job) and that it was "totally up to me but in the current economic climate there may not be a job for me to come back to". Pack of bastards they were anyway. They couldn't have been nicer when I started but after I had my first child, they kind of shoved me to the side and then as I said when I dropped the news about the second pregnancy, well I might as well of had the plague. I went for a scan one day and had booked a half day, the next day when I came in they called me into the office and gave out saying that it doesn't take all day to have a scan. You will get assholes out there but best thing is to maybe get in touch with a solicitor or Citizens advice as employers have all sorts of advisors (even the company I worked for was tiny and they had it all sewn up) so be well armed and if you need it it's there but looks to me like they are getting themselves in bother.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Thu 04-Jul-13 12:26:23

Sounds like bullying if HR are not on board.

I would contact them ASAP and log a complaint.

Curleyhazel Thu 04-Jul-13 12:31:38

Do we have the same manager? I was off sick for a couple of months last year and also had to talk to OH. I was absolutely petrified about the phone call but in the end the OH therapist was so lovely and helpful. I would have hated it if anyone from my office had visited me at that time as I felt really sick and vulnerable.

My boss is also known for requesting meetings and then not bothering to turn up or ring without cancelling. So you end up waiting around feeling apprehensive and anxious. It's all a power game ime and I am really sorry that you have to deal with her whilst pregnant and worried.

I would write an email to your hr department and if possible copy the manager, OH therapist and even your husband in. This way your lovely manager will see that your 'case' and her actions are witnessed by others. This will make it hopefully harder to bully you and she might be forced to behave more 'by the book'.

Take care not to compare your sick leave with others in front of HR or your boss though as everyone's circumstances are different and it would make you look defensive I think. flowers to you I hope you feel better and get that unhelpful manager off your back!

TantrumsandBananas Thu 04-Jul-13 12:33:17

Some experience having been on the receiving end. Please record and note every single conversation, contact with you.

Mine didn't end well, they were just too clever for me, and I didn't know about all the mumsnet help out there.

Hope it all goes OK, some managers are just power crazed loons.

Curleyhazel Thu 04-Jul-13 12:52:37

Also to say that the health and wellbeing of you and your baby are the most important thing at the moment. Could you try and speak to your GP again to see if they can sign you off for anxiety in pregnancy once your other health problem have cleared? Your work place sounds like a toxic environment and you should really try to avoid negative stress during this time.

youaintallthat Thu 04-Jul-13 12:59:02

Thanks everyone I will definitely be using these links. She turned up just now at 12.45 had a good nosy around on her way in. I answered the door even though I said I wouldn't. Basically she has told me that she has decided to follow the regular sickness absence policy with me rather than the maternity policy??? And that in 12 weeks she will be back to give me a final written warning at which point I have to take maternity leave so I don't get dismissed I'm sure all of that is crap but will be using all the links above to get some legal advice.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Thu 04-Jul-13 13:07:43

I think it's crap too. It's not like Monopoly – you don't proceed directly to final written warnings without a LOT of stuff happening beforehand.

I think you should have ignored the door and secretly flicked her the Vs repeatedly from somewhere she couldn't see you. That's what I'd like to have done. [childish]

FluffyDucky Thu 04-Jul-13 13:15:24

Well she either has NO idea what she is talking about, or is a such a bully no one has stood up to her before. It's going to be a rocky road a head, but don't let the bi-atch get away with it!
Now go to bed and have a bloody good sleep xx

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