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Pregnant, horrible boss, stressed at work but feel like an idiot. Don't know what to do.

(6 Posts)
MtnBikeChick Fri 03-May-13 14:38:21

I have previously posted on here with various questions regarding my job that I started a year ago. I work for a fabulous organisation but have an awful, awful boss. I am utterly miserable. I am now 4 months pregnant and have told my boss. She was fairly courteous about it, but clearly unimpressed. She insisuted I tell her 3 days later when I would be going on mat leave and how long I would take off. I am a lawyer so I know she can’t ask these things, but I gave her a rough indiciation for a quiet life (on the basis I know I can change my mind if I want to). I am finding my job increasingly stressful but I feel like it is a silly thing to feel as others might look at my job and think I shouldn’t be stressed. I get constant emails from her, I am totally overloaded with work, she is demanding and rude, and I now feel like she is picking on my performance and everything I do – sending snippy, chasing emails when I was off sick for 2 days with tonsillitis (I am never ill), adding things to group meeting agendas that clearly relate to things she feels I did wrong. She is a very aggressive, fearsome, domineering woman. I feel totally overloaded with work and never have enough time to do things, but she doesn’t care as she thinks we should work all the hours god sends (I took this job for better work life balance, and less pay!). Our team atmosphere is absolutely awful as a result – we never get any positive feedback or encouragement, she never says thank you. We never do anything as a team. I categorically hate it and I am more stressed out that I was in my old 15-hours-a-day-on-average job. I don’t know what to do. I have no one to talk to, but this is stressing me out so much I feel sick at night and at weekends. I feel silly for feeling like this. I may take my maternity leave at the 7 month mark, despite having told her I would take it a month later, but I am not sure how I can even get through the next 3 months!
Sorry I sound so silly. I have never hated my job before, and find it incredibly stressful. I know for a fact I am a good lawyer and was considered a ‘star’ in my old role – I am not afraid of hard work!

Virgil Fri 03-May-13 18:45:24

What sort of firm are you at? Can you go to your head of department or to another partner to discuss your concerns? Or to HR?

Female lawyers can be awful to work for. I speak from experience as a female partner at a large firm. Im very lovely of course but have worked for and with very aggressive and difficult women.

Virgil Fri 03-May-13 18:47:17

Please just keep in mind also that you are pregnant and the main thing is your health and that of your baby. If you are finding work too stressful take time off.

MtnBikeChick Fri 03-May-13 19:35:53

I am in-house. I feel like I shouldn't find this stressful as I used to work manic hours in magic circle. I have never worked for a partner who behaves like the GC I work for now. I am 8 years pqe but feel like my confidence has been destroyed by her.

Virgil Fri 03-May-13 20:33:16

I would go to HR. You need to start a paper trail evidencing the issues and the impact it is having on you. It is very easy for this sort of behaviour to cause stress for employees and that is the last thing you need.

Work on the basis that you have a good solid background and managed to get a good In house job. You're a desirable commodity. Make sure the impact her behaviour is having on you is made clear and then if they don't deal with it and you find it too stressful to be there go off sick.

Polkaprincess76 Thu 09-May-13 02:00:43

Hi - I'm 32 weeks pregnant and can't sleep. Not because of the baby but because of the job I'm in and the stress it's causing me. I know I am only 3 weeks off mat leave but each day is like fingers down a chalk board. Basically, I completely understand where you're coming from. I am meant to be part of a senior management team but am treated like an idiot. Decisions being made without my agreement and a complete lack of empathy and leadership skills from the exec team. You're not stupid for feeling this way at all. I think that when you feel undervalued in your workplace, you are bound to have these feelings. Basically, it boils down to being managed by poor managers.

I feel a little stuck in my situation though as we are planning to have 2 children (this is my 1st) and I don't want to make any big changes to my work as I also like the security of having a full-time fairly well-paid job to go back to with a view of perhaps going back already pregnant (well, of course this is only a plan and they change). Either way, like others have suggested, I am thinking of the other side and ultimately getting out of the place I'm now in as I cannot, on many levels, stand being managed by a person who has fewer qualifications, experience and basically less common sense than me.

The answer, for me anyway, doesn't lie in going off work with stress as I am someone who cares about the team I manage and will not leave them high and dry. Yes, I get angry and tearful but I also try not to let it get to me as I know, deep down, that I am actually liked as a boss, respected as a colleague and do a good job and that keeps me going.

Thanks for starting this post - helps to clear my own thoughts. Night! :-)

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