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DH thinks jobs like this exist - can we tell him the reality?

(113 Posts)
grants1000 Thu 21-Feb-13 11:12:51

DH thinks I can esily get a job that fits the following criteria:-

School hours eg: 9.15 - 3.00 (so I can always pick up the children)
3 days a week 9-5.15 (giving me enough time to drop & pick up children from before & after school club because this job apparently will be local)
That will be flexible for me and me only to work at home the days they are ill becuase he won't be able to ever.
That is still gives me enough time to be responsible for all the housework, shopping and cooking because he won't have the time.

I work from home now because it fits in with school hours and his job, he's away a lot, no fixed times of being in, could have a meeting in London one day, Glasgow the next, may stay over may come home etc etc. His point is that I don't earn much and I should and could earn more, my home business is just a "won't come to much" and I should get a proper job. My "won't come to much" is in it's infancy and just getting going.

So tell me how it is.


willyoulistentome Thu 21-Feb-13 12:44:43

I am FT now, but for the kids earlier years that was my job - well paid too. HOWEVER - I had worked for the compnay for 8 years before I had kids and they really wanted me to stay on so bent over backwards to accommodate my needs. I realise I am extremely lucky with my employer!

FireOverBabylon Thu 21-Feb-13 12:49:56

If you told your DH you'd got a FT job and recruited a nanny, what would he say, seeing as he thinks your income is so important to him?

Phineyj Thu 21-Feb-13 12:55:46

I think you should agree what's reasonable/possible for you to earn but I can't see why he'd care how you achieve that -- what does it matter if you work at home or elsewhere? Of course when working out the possible part you'll need to take into account travel, childcare, cleaner, extra food budget to buy more pre prepared stuff etc etc. With a little creative accounting your home based business may be the best option.

I agree with people who've said there are a few admin type jobs out there with those hours but I reckon they've got a lot rarer since the recession and you'd want to look very reliable if you found one -- certainly not being the one who always takes time off when there's a childcare problem.

MakesCakesWhenStressed Thu 21-Feb-13 12:57:30

He sounds like a prat. I'm in the same situation as you - new start-up working from home self-employed and today i earned my first £20! Huzzah. I've been working for six weeks. DH has uncomplainingly taken over doing the shopping, the washing up, sharing the tidying, getting Baby Cakes up in the mornings and cooking one or two nights a week. I feel terrible about this as I'm not earning any money, but he insists, because I am still working as well as doing 98% of the childcare and even if I never earn any more than this £20, I am keeping my CV going for the future and setting our child the example of hard work.

He needs to pull his weight and let you focus a bit more time and energy on your business and then maybe you'd be able to pull in more work.

KatieMiddleton Thu 21-Feb-13 12:58:41

Are you my BIL's wife? He thought his wife should get a job. Even went so far as to apply to the local supermarket on her behalf requiring school hours, term time only and no weekends. Surprisingly they weren't keen, she wasn't happy and everyone he told thought he was a massive berk.

DeafLeopard Thu 21-Feb-13 13:00:52

It's taken me 13 years to find a job with such flexibility - the downside is I get paid NMW.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes Thu 21-Feb-13 13:06:54

I have a job like that, it is also well paid. But it is a niche job, for which I am perfectly qualified and experienced, they don't need a full timer for this role and I still count it as one of my biggest strokes of luck.

bubbles1231 Thu 21-Feb-13 13:07:14

I have a job with flexible hours- 9.30 -2.30 BUT I'm self employed- these are the hours I offer. My work is very seasonal and winter is pretty dead- weeks without work. My skills are quite narrow so the potential for work is small.
OH works away a lot and we have no family near us so there's not a lot of choice. I'd love to work more regular hours but it would mean moving away to a more densly populated area. The children are settled and happy in school, so the status quo is what we've opted for.

HecateWhoopass Thu 21-Feb-13 13:14:07


Yes. Jobs like that are everywhere.

Not at all as rare as hen's teeth and fought over by practically every mother of school aged children who's looking for something to fit round the kids.

There are jobs out there that meet some of those criteria - but bugger all that would meet everything. AND pay a good wage.

Is he delusional in other areas of life too?

I'm self employed and work from home because that gives me the best shot at the flexibility I need.

beginnings Thu 21-Feb-13 13:14:08

I just don't GET this! My DH has a bigger job than me, more senior, more direct reports, great geographical responsibility. He works long hours and travels quite a bit. Prior to DD, I was also a 60 hour pw kind of person.

Now, I work three days. My role is more specialist which is good but my career is probably stalling. BUT, February is my worst month of the year - I'm typing this as I shove a horrid Pret sandwich down my throat at my desk - and I'm flat out so my DDDDH is doing drop off and pick up today and actually taking a day off next week so that I can come in on Friday. We actually sat down and talked about it at the start of the month and put dates in the diary and worked around it. On the other hand, I put up with the fact that he left the house at 4 on Sunday afternoon to go abroad for a Monday meeting. Who are these men who think just because they have "important" jobs all of the childcare responsibility falls to the wife?! I'm horrified by the number of them that still exist.

It's like the concept of Dads babysitting. You do not babysit your own child!!!

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Thu 21-Feb-13 13:14:29

Tell him you'll look for a full time job and he can apply for this mythical ultra flexible job and be responsible for all childcare and housework, after all if it's that easy he won't mind being the one to do it will he?

almostanotherday Thu 21-Feb-13 13:35:42

Tell him to find you one like that


ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 13:36:59

I will agree there are loads of these jobs about but they are just low waged.However plenty exist.

StillSeekingSpike Thu 21-Feb-13 17:47:43

Chesty- what jobs where? I work for a council and we have plenty of part time workers. However, they also have to be ultra 'flexible'- that is, if it involves working over their hours (which it often does) they have to do it and take the time as TOIL. The only people who can work from home when needed is senior staff who work their arses off, and can still expect to be called in if needed.

Perhaps he thinks you can get a little job in a cake shop ? shock

nancy75 Thu 21-Feb-13 17:52:50

I have a job like that, I work 9-3 term time only and my office is opposite my daughters school. My boss has a child at the same school and always let's me go to school plays ect. The pay is good but I am aware that I am lucky to have a job that fits in so well with the rest of my life.

expatinscotland Thu 21-Feb-13 17:56:33

'That is still gives me enough time to be responsible for all the housework, shopping and cooking because he won't have the time.'

Knob alert! He wants you to earn more and skivvy, too. What a prize jackass.

Go ahead and show him this thread, too.

AsphyxiaXIX Thu 21-Feb-13 18:02:17

Tell him he should be making lots more money so that you don't have to work otherwise he's not a proper man. I'm guessing he won't be so keen on the sexism when it's not on his side...

SizzleSazz Thu 21-Feb-13 18:10:22

They exist but can't be found 'easily'

I work 21hrs a week, nominally over 3 set days but flexible bar meetings etc (I am also flexible to go in during school hours on my 2 non working days)

I use a combination of after school club (ours finishes at 5 and I have a 25 min journey, a babysitter before school on one day and a CM in the holidays as dd2 too young for holiday clubs here.

Sickness dh and I cover between us (he is away often but will help when he can)

GetOrf Thu 21-Feb-13 18:20:10

Your husband is a fucker.


Snazzynewyear Thu 21-Feb-13 18:24:37

That's the thing Chesty - the jobs do exist but

aren't everywhere - tend to be more public sector, where recruitment is down atm

aren't well paid - so the husband's gripe that she should earn more is unrealistic

aren't very flexible - in return for the hours you want, you generally can't work from home or change stuff easily

We'd all like to work short hours for big money and take time out whenever we want, I imagine. Even the husband doesn't get to do that so why he thinks his wife can walk straight into a job that he, the big important breadwinner hmm wouldn't get, I don't know.

letseatgrandma Thu 21-Feb-13 18:36:57

What sort of money is he thinking you will earn?

BeeBawBabbity Thu 21-Feb-13 18:41:04

They do exist. I work school hours, from home 3 days a week, in a well paid job (and flexi-time for those emergency days).

BUT I spent many years training full time before I had kids, and its a specialist job that requires a technical degree. So not really easy to come by.

I agree that it's hard to start in a new job with these arrangements. People who have these privileges tend to have years of experience in the job pre-kids that makes them hard to replace.

mathanxiety Thu 21-Feb-13 18:46:11

Is this a recent delusion of his or has he been harping on about it for a while?
Has he ever pulled his weight around the house or with the children?

It sounds as if he is feeling mighty sorry for himself, or feeling unappreciated for his big shot efforts. Or jealous or resentful.
Not very nice.

whattodoo Thu 21-Feb-13 18:46:25

I'm with weegie and inkle. The price I pay for convenience and flexibility is very poor pay.

Its a struggle to fit in the housework and chores, so my DP is well aware that he needs to do his share or agree to a cleaner.

mathanxiety Thu 21-Feb-13 18:54:55

It could also be that he feels you are letting him down by being merely the owner of a so far unprofitable business and mother to his children, general cook and bottle washer.

Maybe he has compared you with a colleague's wife and you have come up short? Maybe your lowly status is an affront to him and he thinks he deserves more?

He comes across as someone with a massive self image/insecurity/masculinity problem, thinking he is above housework and childcare.

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