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Worried - Husband wants to quit his job and opt out of the rat race - 2nd baby due in 2 months!

(56 Posts)
inadreamworld Thu 08-Nov-12 09:03:19

Would like everyone's views on this please as not sure what to think. DH and I have an 18 month old DD and expecting another little girl early in January.

DH is a teacher and hates his job. He loves teaching in the classroom it is just all the paperwork and stress that goes with it. he has been teaching about 15 years and says it is not like it used to be. He works 5 days a week but has two part time jobs in two separate schools and has a long commute to one of the schools. The other school is a very high performing private school and he has to work very hard there and stay late. He says he is really stressed with the long commute, not seeing much of me and DD (he gets home late most evenings and has marking and stuff to do after work). I know a lot of people are stressed with work but it really seems to be getting to him lately - I don't want him having a nervous breakdown, am worried as he says every day is like a battle and he shouldn't have to live like this - even though he wants to provide money for me and DD I think he feels trapped - he loves us and wants to provide for us but hates what he is doing.

He wants to quit both jobs at Christmas and move to Ireland where his Mum lives. He says there is a more relaxed lifestyle and he thinks we could rent out our flat in London, continue paying the mortgage and make some money somehow by writing, part time tutoring (even though the recession over there is bad), possibly staying with his Mum for a while or renting somewhere cheap. he says as we are not selling the flat we can come back in a year or two if it doesn't work out.

My dilemma is this: I don't want him to be stressed and unhappy and I would love to have more time chilling out and for him to see our children more. But I am worried about how we will cope financially - also my parents live close by and are in their 70s and will miss seeing their grandchild and the new baby regularly.

Have any of you quit the 9 to five 'rat race' and been really happy you did it? Do you think I should agree to go to Ireland or try to persuade him to carry on here?

inadreamworld Mon 12-Nov-12 19:45:21

Thanks soulsister - that is exactly what DH says, that the system is wrong. I enjoyed supply work too - I don't mind difficult kids, it is just all the meetings, paperwork and general bullshit that goes with some teaching jobs that I don't like. Maybe this is why I am more sympathetic to DH and don't hit him over the head with a frying pan as someone else suggested!!!! I think it's very very very unlikely we will end up in Ireland but I do think he will make some kind of change - perhaps supply work is the answer. Good luck to you too. Teaching is a tough job.

mathanxiety Tue 13-Nov-12 05:55:08

Thing is, there is lots about systems that we would all like to change; in an ideal world there would be nothing boring to do in our jobs, nothing that seems pointless or beneath us and our PhD. But every single job out there involves a certain amount of pure shit. There is no getting away from it.

You are pregnant and will in a few months have to go through something unpleasant (perhaps even involving copious amounts of shit) with people who might or might not be nice and caring (or even competent) helping you get through it or making it a lot more difficult than it needs to be, as the case may be. Can you opt out? Can you run back to Mammy and say 'I'm back, make it all go away'?

It just blows my mind that a grown man thinks this 'plan' is in any way realistic or doable, or in any way not incredibly immature and irresponsible. Even taking it on the level of a cry from the heart about the drudgery of teaching and the realisation that he is underemployed on top of hating what he would need to do to qualify as fully employed, what he has come up with as a solution is completely cock-eyed. There are Mammy issues going on here.

I think you need to make him grow a backbone (and quick) or you will find yourself carrying him for the rest of your life, and any time you have a lot on your plate you will find him heaping on more.

inadreamworld Tue 13-Nov-12 12:03:23

I agree Mathanxiety it isn't a sensible plan and maybe mammy issues are involved - they do say Irishmen more likely to have them lol!! I will do my best to help him overcome his faults.

I really appreciate you being sympathetic to my situation too. My last labour was fine (well painful but fine meaning not a horror story and the midwives really nice to me). There was no shit involved either (luckily). Lots of blood though. Hopefully I will be as lucky this time.

Crinkle77 Wed 14-Nov-12 16:25:39

Do you really want all that upheaval and stress with 2 young children? How does his mother feel about having you all in the house too? Plus it is totally the wrong time to be quitting work and looking for jobs elsewhere particularly in Ireland

swanthingafteranother Fri 16-Nov-12 22:51:43

just saw this and thought I'd add my happennyworth.
My sister and BIL did this with two small kids, and it has worked out very well. Although my sister had advantage of going back to our mum, rather than BIL's mum. They left London, cashed in their cottage (which in hindsight they should have rented as it would now be worth a fortune in comparison to even Dublin prices)
They love Ireland, have loads of friends, and despite losing two jobs, and setting up a small business which in the end BIL sold, BIL has ended up with very good job. Not teaching though.

In financial terms, maybe they would have done better staying, but quality of life has completely improved. They took a gamble which everyone at time thought mad (although Ireland was boom then). Everyone thought they would return. They didn't because life was good.

Also maybe your husband's mother needs a turn to be close to the grandchildren.

If you rent, what can go wrong? I think everyone needs to follow their dream once in a while...or else he'll spend his life regretting it. Anyway, loads of people move to foreign countries with work for a year or two, and return. How is it any different.

You just need to get your sums right on the rent/expected income stuff/cost of living in Ireland.

inadreamworld Mon 11-Feb-13 08:48:20

swanthingafteranother thanks for this just came back to this and saw your very encouraging comments!

Our 2nd baby girl was born last month and we haven't gone to Ireland yet but are still seriously considering it. We both have friends and relatives over there as I have Irish roots too and I agree that it would be nice for DH's Mum to have a turn to be around the grandchildren. Anyone else with positive stories of taking a risk and moving abroad (especially to Ireland)?

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