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Please help - just lost the plot at work

(17 Posts)
workhelp Wed 19-Sep-12 15:02:15

I hate my job. I won't go into detail but everything is bad. I feel sick every day. I'm looking for new jobs but so far nothing.

Today I got back to my desk to find an email from my manager with another mind-numbing task for me to do on it. I can't take any more. Please don't tell me to get a grip, I know I need to, but I cut my arms with a knife and kicked the furniture over (fortuantely I have my own office). I don't know what came over me. I feel so trapped and unhappy. I feel like I'm cracking up and that I'm trapped here. I can't afford to resign.

minipie Wed 19-Sep-12 15:19:19

Ok. First of all, do your arms need medical attention?

If not, I would get yourself out of the building and go for a walk several times around the block. Take your coat and bag with you. While you are walking, think about what you need to do to get away from this job a) temporarily and b) permanently.

For the temporary solution: do you have a GP who could sign you off for a few days at least? It sounds like your health is clearly at risk so I would expect they would.

For the permanent solution: harder to advise if you can't afford to resign and can't find anything else. Do you have a DP/DH/mum/friend you can talk to? Can you reduce outgoings at all?

For the moment the main thing is to get yourself out of there. Your health is the most important thing.

minipie Wed 19-Sep-12 15:21:17

Oh and I forgot to say... Sending a big unmumsnetty hug to you. I have been there and it is horrible.

workhelp Wed 19-Sep-12 15:25:47

Thanks minipie

No medical attention needed thankfully. I can't go for a walk as I had a telling off only yesterday for leaving the building (I had gone to see a colleague, but apparently I should have told them).

I'm ashamed to say I had a week off sick at the start of the month. It wasn't even a real illness, I just couldn't face going in, so I don't think I can do that again.

I've talked to my parents who just tell me to get on with it. I am sure they are right- and I've tried. But it's just getting worse.

I don't have a DP and already live in the cheapest place I can live in.

It all feels so miserable.

I know there are worse situations to be in, I could be very ill, or on the streets - I am none of those things. But I hate being here so much.

TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange Wed 19-Sep-12 15:30:34

Sweetheart you need to leave your job. You do. If its so bad that your health is at risk, you are taking time off because you just can't face work, long term you will cause yourself damage.

Go to your GP and explain what happened. They will sign you off sick and also point you in the direction of RL help.
Whilst you are on sick leave you can think about what to do next.

workhelp Wed 19-Sep-12 15:34:57

Thanks everyone for replying. It means a lot to have someone listen.

I've been thinking about what to do next for a while. I even looked into benefits but I really don't want to go down that route, it really isn't an option for me.

You're right though. I just can't see things getting better so I do need to take some kind of action.

fridakahlo Wed 19-Sep-12 15:36:52

It may sound trite but I think you need to.stop thinking about what you need to do and start thinking about what you want to do.
Try picturing in your head, what would make you.happy, take the smallest, easiest detail out of that picture and start working up from there.
The first step on that road.does probably involve seeing your gp.

minipie Wed 19-Sep-12 15:36:53

Having a week off sick at the start of the month does not mean you couldn't be signed off again. I bet most people who are signed off with stress (which is what you have) have thrown some sickies before they get officially signed off. Yes your boss might not like you going off again but at least it might alert him to the fact that something is not right.

Is there a way your job could be improved? Eg if you worked for a different manager or had less pressure put on you? Or do you think it needs to be a different work place altogether.

Could you broaden your job search (eg move location?) or not?

This is a hard question, but do you think your job is objectively awful (i.e. most people would be stressed out by it) or do you think it's not that it's bad objectively, it's more that you are having a lot of trouble dealing with it, in a way that most people wouldn't? If the latter, I wonder if the GP might be able to refer you for some kind of therapy to help?

In any event, I do think a talk to the GP would be a good idea. Be honest and tell them exactly how you feel. Even if they can't help practically, they can give you an indication of whether what you are feeling is "normal" iyswim and therefore whether it's realistic to expect you to just "get on with it" or not.

Don't worry about whether there are worse situations to be in. You are still allowed to be unhappy and to do something to change that.

minipie Wed 19-Sep-12 15:38:27

Cross posted with others but I think we are all saying a visit to the GP would be a good idea. Even if only to talk to someone who will listen properly (doesn't sound like your parents are really listening).

Tiago Wed 19-Sep-12 15:44:34

Definitely see your GP and get signed off for a while. If you tell the GP what happened today they will give you a note.

workhelp Wed 19-Sep-12 15:51:12

Thanks all.

My job is not objectively awful, it's just I have been here for a while and become very bored and unchallenged. That was OK, but now it's affecting my mental health. My manager and I have a very poor relationship. She is highly strung and takes it out on me, I feel I am always walking on egg shells. I do think that I have nothing really to complain about - it isn't stress, the work is manageable, it just bores me to tears - literally. I feel like I'm trapped in time, if that makes sense, sitting here willing the day and my life to end and the clock just WILL NOT MOVE.

BadMissM Wed 19-Sep-12 16:46:04

Hi there Workhelp. Look, I'm going through an Employment Tribunal because of staying in a job I hated, it made me so ill that I'm currently unable to work. For your health, and for your sanity, get out of there before they try to get rid of you, it's so much easier to find a job when you still have one.... Plus, the longer you stay, the more it will get you down. See your GP, and get signed off, for thinking time if nothing else, and weigh up your options. Good luck!

Tiago Wed 19-Sep-12 16:46:16

A boring job with no respite and a manager who is highly strung can be awful, and can definitely cause you huge amounts of stress. It might not be lots-to-do-under-severe-time-pressure stress, but it is still stress.

You need time to yourself to work out what it is you want to do. Going off sick will give you that.

minipie Wed 19-Sep-12 17:29:24

It definitely IS stress you are feeling from what you describe. Regardless of whether you think the job "ought" to be stressful or not - it clearly is for you which is all that matters.

When I asked if it was objectively stressful, I really wasn't trying to suggest you should be able to cope if it isn't (sorry if it sounded that way). I was just trying to work out whether it's actually the job that is stressing you, or something going on with you iyswim, since that would affect what is likely to help. Sounds like it is the job.

Please do make an appointment with your GP, and be honest about how you've been feeling. xx

missingmumxox Wed 19-Sep-12 23:38:47

Horrible manager aside you have what is known as rust out, the symptoms are almost if not exactly the same as burn out, you need to move on like you are trying, a few years ago I would have tried to get you through it without sick leave, because old employers could be asked about sick leave, but that has changed, even if the employers are unaware smile I speak as someone who ignores the answer to that question because trying to get 10 HR advisors and admins to delete the incorrect Health Questionnaire and send out the new one appears to beyond my humble talents.
but I agree with all of the above who say go see the GP take some time out to reassess, remember there could be someone who would love your job, and you could find something you love too.
good luck and remember you will find something, I have been there and I have a really amazing job now.

CakeInMyFace Thu 20-Sep-12 13:04:54

Hi OP, I rarely post on MN, but your thread has hit a real chord with me. I just want to say I understand how this feels. Following a company takeover, my new boss just seemed to dislike me from the start and essentially demoted me over time. She was impossible to get on with and I was trapped.

It got so bad, I froze one day outside the building and could not go in. I ended up totally burned out and stressed, and had 6 weeks of counselling to sort me out. Since then I have worked contract jobs to avoid being in the same position again.

I let it get to the point of no return. My advice to you is get out - and you WILL get something else. If you focus and work hard at getting a job, there are jobs to be had. As an alternative, you could get signed off by your gp - and in the meantime look for something else - even a temp job which are pretty easy to get.

I really hope you are ok OP - no job is worth sacrificing your health for.

Marney Fri 21-Sep-12 22:10:47

there are some awful people in charge ive met some you will feel so good when you dont have to put up with this job anymore get out and get your confidence back something else will turn up

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