I've namechanged so please don't out me if you recognise me! I feel very low about all of this and want some encouragement/advice.
I love working. I couldn't wait to get to get out in to the workforce as a teen, went back to university, again, couldn't wait to get out and work. I'm a grafter, pure and simple. Bored sensless on ML.
I am currently working as a technical PM for an international company for an international client - someone you probably use on a daily basis.
I have 30-40 project deliverables a month. I come from a programming background but have always been a better organiser than programmer. Since taking on this role the workload has increased in terms of singular projects and now I'm responsible for the financial forecasting of these, audits, operational plans etc., etc. and so forth. Can I just re-iterate that's FORTY per calendar month.
When I took on the role no financials were done, come April this year we got a new bean-counter in who took control and taught me (first "on the job" training I've had for this role) how to do it.
I have had no formal training and no guidance - I am pretty much ignored by the people I need information from - e.g., "when's your production date? whaddya mean you shifted it? Why didn't you tell me? Did you get approval? From whom?". I can't get a straight answer on time-planning and the engineers who'll be used to implement the work, but bugger it - I try and my forecasting is usually within 1-2k a month!
A few weeks ago I came to the end of my tether and sent head of development an email saying "I'm sorry to escalate, but you did say to do so blah blah". He sent an email on the saturday saying "good job". Monday I fielded a whole barrage of abuse from managers higher up than me who'd been "talked to". Tuesday I called a meeting with my direct manager to ask for support, mostly along the lines of "how to remain diplomatic but get results" type thing.
He then dropped the bombshell that the bloke who'd mailed me on saturday "wanted me out". My jaw dropped and I cried. I'd like to say that it was because I'm pregnant but I was absolutely gutted. I'd had no warning at all. I told my client yesterday and she couldn't believe it - she doesn't understand what I could've done "wrong" either.
I spent the next week pushing for when/replacement/what next type thing - yesterday I got called in to another meeting (I initiated) with my new manager (yep, replaced in two weeks also). She said "yep, he wants you out 31st October" - not out of the company or the account, but out of Project Management. And I fucking cried again.
Now if I'm doing a really shit job I want to know. I want to know where my warnings are/were. Why was none of this raised at my performance review in June? I went armed with a sheaf of papers to discuss my progress with my manager.
The irony is I kicked off in a big way at work about 6 weeks ago to the big, big boss and explained lack of support/direction etc. And now this. :(
I'm sorry this has been such a long and epic post but I'm thoroughly dishearted. I don't know what to do for the best anymore. I feel like my best intentions are being thwarted and I genuinely love to work. I've got an IQ of 150 so honestly, I'm not punching above my weight iyswim.
I got to thinking I was paranoid about two senior managers in particular and then I found out last week that I'm not - they've fucked over quite a few people.
I should add, they can't actually just get rid of me, such is my contract that they couldn't push me out of the door until June 2013. Even so, I don't want to leave - I want to bloody work and I want to progress!
I have been up since 2am crying on and off (working from home this morning). I am feeling frustrated and angry. I feel so ambitious but right now I just don't know which way to turn.
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I love working but am being demotivated and demoralised - what to do?
9 replies
FrustratedWorkaholic · 12/10/2011 08:48
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