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I think I'm being bullied by manager, not sure if it because I'm a woman. it's making me want to quit and I can't sleep ... any advice please?

(16 Posts)
worklifeishell Thu 06-Oct-11 20:00:49

I have changed in case I'm reconsigned.

I work in a male dominated environment.

I have been at my job 10 yrs but because of my line manager I want to quit. I dread going in, I leave crying some nights and I can't sleep.

He singles me out and punishes me for things he lets others do. Sometimes it's petty things (he constantly moves me, if I start doing one thing I know he will always me move to do something else) other times it really feels as if I'm being picked on. For example he lets everyone leave once the work has been done, regardless of their finish time. Sometimes some people leave 10 mins early, sometimes 45 mins. However he is making me stay and do extra work he isn't asking the others, he says I have to ask his permission to leave when he doesn't ask anyone to do this.

We have a meeting where he tells updates regarding the company. These are erratic, never on the same day. Yesterday he had all shift to tell me he was holding this meeting just before our finish time. He didn't mention it. When the work was finished I asked my supervisor if we could go home and he yes.

Today my line manager told me I should have been at the meeting. I said I didn't know about it as he hadn't mentioned it and I had asked permission before leaving. Others that were due to finish later than me had already left to go home so I thought we were all done for the day, as did my supervisor who knew nothing of this meeting either.

So tomorrow I have a meeting with my manager and my union rep about leaving early. When I pointed out that others had also left early he said he would speak to them but I know he wouldn't have had I not mentioned them. he also told me not to mention others an just to concentrate on how I am treated.

My supervisor told me tonight that he will back me if I want to take this further and he said all the other people that work my shift know I am singled out.

Would appreciate advice.

RollingInTheAisles Thu 06-Oct-11 20:04:07

I don't have anything useful to add except to give my sympathy and to recommend you keep a diary of all of this and record events, dates and names. Hang in there x

worklifeishell Thu 06-Oct-11 20:23:40

Thanks for replying rolling smile

worklifeishell Thu 06-Oct-11 20:35:44

and for your support

worklifeishell Thu 06-Oct-11 20:58:36

bumping for more advice

Missingfriendsandsad Thu 06-Oct-11 21:08:29

Insist on mediation - a mediator will help both sides discuss their concerns and issues and encourage examination of the issues behind the (frankly daft) position of your manager. You will also be able to explain that no matter what his justification, the effect on you is that you feel singled out, treated differently and are poorly communicated with and this is making it difficult for you to work.

If your boss really is singling you out and its for an unjustified reason a good mediator will help him realise that his behaviour is obvious, damaging and preventable.

It really is worth doing as it sets up a situation to resolve the issue rather than create sides, a fight and a one sided (either you win or he does) result.

Oh and keep a diary of what happens, how it makes you feel and steps you take to minimise the impact (eg, after a meeting happened that I was not invited to, I walked home and had a coffee in a cafe so that I didn't let my disappointed and humilated feelings affect the way I dealt with my family).

worklifeishell Thu 06-Oct-11 21:45:47

Great advice missingfriend. Really helpful things in there I can use.

I did speak to my union rep briefly today who suggested a visit to the GP to talk things through. But I have only been to the GP with physical problems and would have no idea where to start regarding how I'm feeling

pinkteddy Thu 06-Oct-11 23:46:42

I second what the others have said about keeping documented notes with dates and times, who was present etc. I would ask for notes to be taken at any meetings by a neutral person eg: HR (if you have one). I would also ask your supervisor to put their statement in writing to management and copy you. As for your GP, I would just say what you've said in your thread title, you think you are being bullied at work, you can't sleep and are scared of going into work. Can you ask to be moved departments at work away from this manager?

worklifeishell Fri 07-Oct-11 06:33:56

Will the GP be interested that I'm being bullied at work? And what can he do?

SeoraeMaeul Fri 07-Oct-11 06:41:59

To me the GP is a red herring unless you feel ill and think you need help.
I think you need to get HR and if possible a mediator involved to get a very honest discussion going and one which is "on record"
Prepare for that to be a rough day - I presume he would deny there is a problem or if there is it's yours - but it should start things towards some kind of conclusion. And making it official means other people will watch both of your behavior, to hopefully disprove any allegations about you and equally identify what he's up to. As suggested keep a diary and if any one witnesses things make sure you note that down.

Good luck

margerykemp Fri 07-Oct-11 06:44:47

The gp will sign you off sick, that kind of bullying is impacting your health.

You need to think what you want: do you want to leave and claim constructive unfair dismissal at a tribunal or find a way to stay at your current job?

For a tribunal you'll need evidence and witnesses. Dont have any meetings with your line manager without a witness. Find your company's official greviance procedure and follow that

diyvspse Fri 07-Oct-11 06:46:10

you poor thing. It's awful to be bullied at work. You feel so trapped. If it's your own manager then it's the absolute pits. Take a step back and think about whether it would even be possible to rectify this situation by staying in the same job. Is there any one else you could report to other than your line manager?

I would think it's healthier for you to get out of the situation rather than fight it. Like it or not there are people who get a real thrill out of making another person's life hell. Have you been in the job a while? Do you fancy changing to another company?

worklifeishell Fri 07-Oct-11 06:56:22

The shifts work perfectly around dh's which means we do not have to pay out for childcare. I've been there 10yrs and have quite good pension and benefits so I don't really want to leave.

I was hoping a grievence form and a visit to the doctors would be enough to make my manager back off and realise I wouldn't tolerate this

margerykemp Fri 07-Oct-11 09:23:26

Sounds like a good plan.

skrumle Sat 08-Oct-11 09:23:00

constructive dismissal is very difficult to get a successful judgement on i think - you need to have given the company (not an individual line manager) every chance to fix the situation, and so far you haven't even raised an official grievance have you?

definitely raise a grievance, take advice from your union rep, try and garner support from other people on your shift, etc. and write down everything you can think of with as many facts as possible: dates, distinction between your assignments and other named staff, anything he has said to you that has been inappropriate or unjustified. do you have a clocking in and out system? would it be possible to check how many hours you are working compared to your equivalent colleagues?

if you like your job i would be tempted not to go to the GPs straight away - they may well offer to sign you off sick and once you are away from work it can be difficult to go back because you create barriers in your own head.

pinkteddy Fri 14-Oct-11 21:15:59

workishell how are things?

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