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how much time off?

(15 Posts)
JPaav Tue 06-Sep-11 12:33:37

I know everyone is different, but it would be helpful to learn how much time off from work any of you took following a miscarriage. I am currently 8 weeks and have a missed miscarriage which I assume will need a D&C sometime next week (have had 3 scans now). I'm not coping well at all and need to give work some indication... (I have a very stressful job btw and a somewhat hostile boss). Thoughts?

Minus273 Tue 06-Sep-11 12:37:52

I was off for 6 weeks after a miscarriage. My boss was a bit of a bastard about it and tbh that's what made going back more difficult. He did report me for my absence to Occ health but I just told them that his attitude had made return more difficult. Honest without being nasty IYSWIM.

Really sorry to here about your loss. Hope you start to feel a bit better soon. HAve you posted on the boards about MC on here? You can get a lot of moral support.

Oldmansnoring Tue 06-Sep-11 13:03:04

I had an ectopic pregnancy and was off from the end of October when I started having severe pains (doctors initially told me to wait two weeks as they thought I was just miscarrying and the pain was down to panic attacks despite me saying I had never had a panic attack in my life!) up until the beginning of January.

In fairness I had already booked two weeks off over Christmas and I only went back because my employer bullied me into going back! Every time I handed in a sick line from the doctor I was made to feel like I was going out of my way to damage their business with my absence! Stuff the fact I could barely stand up right or sit for any length of time and was on strong pain prescription medicine for the pain!

Stuff the fact that I was rushed into hospital as an emergency patient, went into shock and nearly died from the internal bleeding... some panic attack eh???!!!

It isn't easy when your boss isn't sympathetic and the last thing you need is someone rushing you before you feel ready. So sorry to hear about your loss and for what it's worth... my advice is take as much time as you need to get well because it is an emotional and physical loss. Your doctor can help (mine was great and even when I thought I should go back I was told no... take the time and I was signed off anyway!) If you have a certified sick line from your doctor then there is nothing your boss can do about it.

Take care.

hairylights Tue 06-Sep-11 14:07:32

I took 6 weeks off when I had d&c for mmc. It was very much the emotional part that I needed the time for. If you feel the need for the time off then take it - have a fit note from the doctor and your employer cant hassle you about it. So sorry for your loss.

For my third mc, for which I had medical rather than surgical intervention, I took one day off. It was easier that time emotionally but it was too short a time off I needed two weeks really but I just couldn't face sitting around.

lateatwork Tue 06-Sep-11 14:42:20

I am really sorry for your loss.

I have had 3 MC and an ERPC each time. I took around 2 weeks off which included the op and recovery time. For two, I did not have a supportive boss and so felt guilty. For the 3rd, I had a very supportive boss, and even though I had complications and spent more time in hospital, I knew I was supported at work so felt i didnt need the extra time off. But this was a personal decision. You need time to heal physically and emotionally,

BTW, in my opinion, it does not matter how many 'weeks' you are so I would not mention this as the reaction can sometimes be heartless... 'only' 8 weeks etc and if your boss is not supportive, he/she may make some unthoughtful comment.

GeorgeEliot Tue 06-Sep-11 21:21:19

I had a week off sick after I had a MC.

An0therName Tue 06-Sep-11 21:59:39

so sorry - I would say 2 weeks is about right - although I was stupid and only took a few days - do go on the miscarriage section here for more support

SageMist Wed 07-Sep-11 10:59:14

The longest was 2 weeks, shortest was 1 day.

I have found MCs to be physically draining as well as emotionally. Expect to feel really tired for quite a long time. If in doubt go and have a word with your GP and get him/her to sign you off for a couple of weeks at first. Then see how you feel.

Don't be a martyr and rush back to work. Can you have a word with HR if your boss is being too demanding?

beatrixkitto Mon 12-Sep-11 14:40:18

I was 6 weeks pg when I had a m/c. I took 1 week of work (mon-fri) and they still tried to use it against me in a sickness monitoring meeting (I have m.s.) and they are a local authority.

NoMoreWasabi Mon 12-Sep-11 14:47:37

I’m sorry for your loss. Worth being aware that any time you take off is, for disciplinary/redundancy etc purposes pregnancy related sickness and can’t be counted against you.

ThierryHenryismyBoyfriend Mon 12-Sep-11 18:48:20

I had a m/c on Friday/Saturday and was back at work Monday. I don't think there is a set 'right' amount of time to have off.

coccyx Mon 12-Sep-11 18:51:00

blimey, a few days was enough and yes i do know what its like I have had 9 miscarriages. everyone different

harassedandherbug Tue 13-Sep-11 15:15:32

I had a mmc in Jan and had 2.5 wks off. I didn't tell my boss why I was off, told it was gynaecological and that was enough to stop any more questions. My doctor would have happily signed me off for longer, and tbh I wish I had taken a bit longer off but was worried that it would be harder to go back the longer I was off. But I don't particularly like my job at the moment.

I then had a mc in March and had two days off. Felt I couldn't take any more. Again, totally the wrong decision.

It's the mental effect rather than the physical.

I'd also recommend the Miscarriage board. There are a lot of fabulous, supportive and well informed ladies over there.

StillSquiffy Tue 13-Sep-11 15:30:27

There is no set expectation in these matters so you would need to see your GP to get signed as fit or unfit to be on safe side.

For me I had 7mcs and usually didn't take any time off (other than the D&C days themselves) because I found it harder to deal with if I wasn't busy.

Sugarcube1 Sun 16-Oct-11 11:24:56

So sorry for your loss i had two mcs, the first time i went bk after a week but the second time i took six weeks off. I think you should go back whenever you feel ready, everyone's different there is no "right" amount of time off. xx

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