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Am I just wanting too much?

(8 Posts)
confusedcatherine Mon 08-Aug-11 14:31:41

Hello
I'd like some advice or info of anyone else who has been/is in a similar position. I'm unhappy in my job and have been for about a year. It's not all bad - the HR policies are good and some of the people are nice. I like the environment as it's relaxed, non corporate too. However I'm stuck in my role. It's not going anywhere. I've already asked to take on more things to work towards a regrade but this was dismissed so to be honest I've lost all motivation completely now. I just come in, do the job (barely) and leave again. I feel very resentful towards the most of the people in my group too. Basically I feel upset as every other role I've had people have been very complimentary, or I've got promotions. Here I feel no one notices you or cares, and there is nowhere to work towards anyway. The other confusing thing though is sometimes I think oh sod it - I'm not career minded anyway - why do I care? I don't want to reach the top (though being appreciated or told well done every once in a while might be nice). I just feel so apathetic at the moment - the thought of looking for another job fills me with dread, but then so does coming to work every day too! The reason I am posting on here is I'm 31 and with long term bf. We're hoping to try sometime after April next year so would I be silly to leave now anyway or is it stupid to stay in a job you hate just for mat leave? Really I'd like to work for myself and not work for anyone else so that's another reason why I just can't face applying for other jobs. I have applied for another role in house and do have an interview but I'm even down about that as I've found out it's basically been created for someone else so when I don't get it (me being negative here!) I'll feel even more crap in myself about who I am and what I do. Why is so much put on what you do for a career? I guess coz no one wants to get stuck with the rubbish admin office jobs that's why....
Feeling very sad and low self esteem :-( Just want to get pregnant and be a mum but having to wait so loooonnnnnnngggggg

BranchingOut Mon 08-Aug-11 15:59:39

Well, you sound pretty unhappy so I think that you should apply for new jobs.

The qualifying period for mat leave is not that long, especially if you were to get a new job soon and you are only going to start trying next spring.

Look it up, but the qualifying period is definitely less than a year.

flowery Mon 08-Aug-11 18:01:26

I don't think you are wanting too much, however I do think you need to start looking for another job. If you don't plan to even start trying for a baby until after next April it could well be a couple of years from now before actually you go on maternity leave. My answer might be different if you were just pregnant now or were trying now.

InMyPrime Mon 08-Aug-11 18:16:33

Just look for a new job. It could take you a year to get pregnant, even without any fertility issues, and even then misadventures can happen along the way. Unless your employer has an incredibly generous maternity leave benefit, it won't be worth your while hanging around for what could be 2 more years. If you're only intending to start trying for a family in about a year's time then that gives you plenty of time to find a new job before you're pregnant.

Take it from me: I stayed in a job that I was bored of where I felt my skills were undervalued but was hanging on for maternity leave. In the end, it took us the best part of 18 months to get pregnant, with a miscarriage along the way, and my employer tried to make me redundant when I was 14 weeks pregnant (second time around) anyway...you really can't plan a family that precisely and you can't rely on any employer these days, certainly not with a 2 year time frame in mind. So just look around for a new job. You never know what might turn up and you could get out of the rut you're currently stuck in.

An0therName Tue 09-Aug-11 09:11:51

If you have been in the job a year then you know its not for you - its the worst thing to do to put things off because you might at some point get pregnant -
but you do sound a bit down as well so try and have some fun outside of work - exercise can boost your mood, seeing good friends that kind of thing
and maybe think more widley about your carreer - maybe you have a friend you could discuss where you want to go

confusedcatherine Tue 09-Aug-11 11:09:52

thanks everyone! Yes you are right. The mat leave is quite good here - it's 12 weeks full, then another 14 at 50% and 13 at SMP which is why I was hanging on. I feel like I've lost all confidence in my skills and ability now too - bit of a vicious circle - but will start looking for other roles. My main fear is I've always been like this - I've never found a job I love doing or a real career so I don't want to jump from frying pan into fire! Yes I think I also must stop thinking about it so much and maybe do some volunteer work or something which I do get some satisfaction from and feel valued in doing.

LaCiccolina Tue 09-Aug-11 15:35:58

Also take a step back and really look at yourself and your job. If you feel down, you act miserable, people stop wanting to help you, you feel more down, you take it out on work, people begin to avoid you. Are you sure you aren't infecting the reaction you are getting? Start with a smile and it might cheer up. Must be a reason why others are content there and you are not. If you look at it all then still hate it, definitely leave as its not worth it!!! Good luck.

Cupcakeaddict Tue 09-Aug-11 18:57:04

You say you would like to work for yourself, do you have any idea as what you would like to do? Another option may be to stay in your current job but to get your motivation from preparing your new venture. Such things can take a while to get off the ground by which time you may be pg and get your mat leave and decide not to come back and start your own business then (provided you don't have to pay the mat pay back).
Another thought (in the opposite direction, but hopefully helping you to make a decision!) If you have to repay mat pay if you don't go back after mat leave, then I think that you should definitely search for another job now: if it gets you down now, imagine how you would feel if you had to leave a baby in nursery to go to work.
Sorry for the disorganised thoughts!

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