How do I deal with this colleague?(6 Posts)
It's fairly minor really, almost an AIBU, but it's bugging me a bit.
I'm the only person in my dept with young family (I have 1 DS and am pg) as everyone else is young male and single, or older with grownup children. I have one young female colleague, who I get on well with, but...she kind of annoys me on the children issue.
So, when I first met her, she told me she was desperately broody. (I was a bit being told that at a first meeting!) She's 30, got married last summer, and goes on and on about how she wants to have children. They are not ttc (she is very open!), but are waiting a couple of years. I suspect she's struggling with this decision.
But she also keeps spending ages and ages asking me how I manage to get everything done with a toddler as well (the answer is better if someone isn't spending 45 minutes in my office talking...). She asks me for advice - should she go PT when she has a baby? Should she go PT when she's TTC? Should she use a nursery or a childminder?
Now, all very well, but this is all in the future, and it bugs me! It's the whole planning for this baby which isn't even a twinkle yet!
Plus, I've been having some work issues - contractual, but it does coincide with my pg but is basically not about that - but she keeps saying how she's 'watching my case with interest because she'll be the next', and how she's decided that the dept is not family friendly at all etc etc. This all makes me very uncomfortable - I'm not a guinea pig, and, well, I think it's a bit weird tbh.
What should I do? Say something - but what?
Or just ignore?
Oooh tricky one. She's being overfamiliar, as well as wasting your time. I find that tactless people need a very direct approach. I'd just keep telling her you only have a minute to talk, with task a, b & c to get through, then ignore her if she lingers. I'd also be un scientifically convinced that she might jinx herself by talking too much about babies. Gotta go. Baby nearly coughing himself sick....
I'm glad you said tactless, fusspot - it's a tricky situation because she can be a good friend (and vice versa hopefully) but there's this one aspect that really winds me up - I was worried I was being oversensitive.
I also secretly wonder about this baby obsession being Not A Good Thing. She's been tested to see what her egg reserves are like etc and all is well. But friends of mine have been fighting fit (both of them - she's making assumptions that her DH is fine!) but still couldn't conceive with no medical reason whatsoever. IMHO the tests aren't really the be all and end all.
Maybe my issue is that I'd rather not be made to question my childcare choices/made to feel that the dept isn't child friendly when I'm basically muddling through in my own way and it's best not to dwell on these things? I don't know!
Hope your baby is ok!
You need to just keep being a bit vague - answers like 'I dunno, I suppose you will work it out when the time comes, everyone is different.'
I've always felt a bit uncomfortable around people like that.
Baby fusspot has just got into the habit of coming down for some tixylix and innappropriate television recently. He was soon back to bed when he saw the Mumsnet logo on the screen, 12.5 months, clever boy. He's alright.
Also thanks Beryl, I was worried that I was being a bit weird, or hormonal or something, but her behaviour isn't completely normal!
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