please help... should my mum take this further? slander(9 Posts)
Will try and keep as short as possible.
My Mum works for a large high street bank / building society (so many merges so im not sure what anymore lol)
She has worked there nearly 20 years and has always been very very good at her job.
They have many targets to meet both individually, as a branch, and as an "area", and results published monthly / quarterly / annually etc.... and my Mother herself has quite often been the best performing staff member in the country, and often her branch has been too. Most months she is within the top 3 of the employees in her area and often the whole country.
This has been acknowledged in the past with her attending the chief executives annual meetings and being awarded prizes etc for outstanding performance, and she / her branch(es) have consistently been in the top performing ones for years!
In this time my Mum has worked with many colleagues, and some have turned into very good personal friends...
She worked up to being her branch manager, and led the team to being in the top 1 or 2 branches numerous months / quaters, and they all got prizes / bonus's etc.... Then there was management re-shuffling etc and jobs were merged / changed (as in so many places in the past few years) and some other person became her / their manager. (MUM was happy about this, as didn't really like the stress of dealing with personal staff issues, with what were (and still are) her friends.
The person who became their (area & branch) manager was horrible. A really nasty bully. She really upset my Mum, (and everyone else) . At the time it made me quite cross as my Mum (and colleagues) never did anything about her behavior or took it further. They were constantly got at and were criticised all the time; despite very often being the best performing branch in the whole area (and some times the whole entire country!) they were always moaned at for something.... someone had always not quite met 1 target.
She abused her "power" and would do everything possible to make mums & other staff members as difficult as possible just because "she could". (things like declining holiday with no reason etc , being highly uncompassionate when someones father died, you know being difficult because she had the power too)
Everyone was very unhappy... one person was signed off with stress, and then handed in her notice as could take it no more . Many others handed in their notice and left (despite having worked there happily for 10+ years).... and crucially most were working WITH my Mum...
My Mum changed branches (job came up slightly closer to home) and she liked the staff members there (many of her favorite friends / colleagues had now left) and she was working
(under the same manager) in a different branch. Many of the staff there were also as unhappy as she had treated them all the same.
One of Mums colleagues (like so many others) could take it no more and when a job came up in a different branch (in a different area / different manager) came up she jumped at the chance and moved.
In the mean time, the higher management decided it would be a good idea to move this horrible bulley manager and swap her with someone else. So My mum, and her branch / area have a new manager Immediately my mum is SO much happier... she is working for a human being and not a beast etc. He actually does his job well....
move on a bit, and someone in Mums branch leaves (not bullied out) so my mums ex colleague, (who changed out of the area just to get away from the nasty one) decided she would like to come back (Partly to work WITH my mum as they work so well together)
They have remained in close contact, are close friends, and see each other alot socially too. So she applied for her old job back (an easier faster commute for her too)....
It created huge confusion.... Mums new (nice) manager had to have a special interview with her... he needed to address "How she could cope with coming back, to work alongside my Mum?" . Mums friend was very confused as was asking why... she explained that she was looking forward to working with my Mum again as they both knew they worked well as a team, and she actually wanted to work with my mum, it was part of the reason WHY she wanted to come back . New manager guy gets all confused.... It is "well known among the higher management that mums friend left "because" of my Mum"... Yes the evil bitch has been telling everyone how AWFUL my mum is to work for & how no one can bare to work with her! It has been documented and somehow my Mum has been made to look like the black witch who no-one can bear to work with!!!!!!!!
Mums friend told her this on one of their many nights out! Mum asked her new manager and he confirmed that yes there HAD been confusion cause he and other higher members of staff had all been told by evil manager, how awful my Mum was, and how yet another person had left because of my Mum.
Now this is understandably upsetting my Mother... BUT she doesnt want to do anything official.
MY opinion is that she and her friends let this woman bully them, and forced many of them to leave their longterm jobs (and pensions) and it is clear that she has behaved wrongly
(I also suspect, but have no proof, that she has probably stated that my Mums other colleagues (who also worked closely with my mum) left because of my mother!)
I think my Mum should take it further and get her held accountable for her lies. There is no truth in it whatsoever.
My Mum remains close friends with all her colleagues who have left. (In fact my Father (my parents are divorced) now employs one of them, she has become a great family friend too)
They all wish they had said more / said WHY they were leaving, but none of them did. (probably difficult to tell someone to their face that you dont like them when you have notice to work!)
My Mum doesnt want to rock the boat as such, but i know every one of her friends would stand by her and say the reason why they left was due to being bullied by the nasty manager.
And regardless of that its crystal clear that she has specifically said that mums old colleague also really hated working with my Mum. 100% lies and i dont think she should be allowed to get away with it.
Mum wants to just leave it... I think she has a moral obligation to take it further...
should she leave it? Or take it further before she bullies so many more people into leaving their jobs (and pensions) because they can take it no more too?
My Mother worries about what would happen if manager swapped again, and she became mums manager again, how she would make my mothers life even harder.... my point is if this woman is outed now, neither my mother or any other innocent collegues will have to worry about being bullied buy her ever again.
I would suppose that what has been done would be counted as hearsay because it's never actually been broached before? Although if the new manager is aware of the situation I would put the onus on them to investigate as the nasty manager could be doing the same to other branches etc.
I'd recommend that your mum takes this up with her current manager as it's upsetting her. The current manager should then follow escalation procedures and if they can get any proof then the woman should be reprimanded.
Nothing can be done unless your mum speaks up for herself though so go for it!
an accusation of bullying should be taken seriously.
your mum looks like a total bitch to management, in this economy i would be making sure that i wasn't painted in such a light - or they might find a reason to get her out of the door anyway
Just thought id update...
Mum is going to have a chat to her lovely manager and gage his reaction as to if evil bitch has suggested that her other collegues left because of my Mum.
Also, she found out yesturday that both her AND the new nice manager boss have both been chosen to go to the elite awardsagain . Her managers manager called her to tell her . She had a chance to have an informal chat with her, and obviously didnt say anything bad about the other person, but did sing this new guys praises, about how fantastic he is and how the whole team work so much better, and how pleased she is that her friend is returning to work along-side her again.
Her new boss has also told her informally, that her evil ex-manager is having issue in her new (his old) area (no surprise there) and having the same effect, and it IS being noticed.
My mum doesnt want to kick up a huge fuss, and i think the fact that she is been invited to the annual elite awards again where she will be preseneted with a prize by the most senior senior management will say what needs to be seen about her.
Perhaps the more senior management have seen through whatever her ex manager may or may not have suggested?
Sounds like your mum won't need to do anything at all. Truth will out quite quickly and far better for it to dawn on mgmt that your lovely mum has been treated awfully by managerzilla than for your mum to do anything formally. The point of a grievance is to fix something that needs fixing and it sounds as if it is already fixed. If your mum is reluctant to take it further then it is only going to cause her stress to do so.
Informally she might want to suggest to boss that she has been very upset by these lies and would like mgmt to understand that she has been libelled. Then her mgr can take it up on her behalf if he wishes (which would be better as it sounds as if your mum would prefer not to fight any big battles)
gosh what a complicated tale. sounds like your mum is on the up again though.
You say you want your mum to 'take it further' - what did you have in mind? this would be presumably a grievance process which would involve your mum and everyone else being interviewed about it, it could be stressful for your mum and the likely outcome would be that there is no solid proof that anyone said anything about anyone else. so the informal 'I am delighted to be getting an award again, particularly as to be honest I had been upset about some rumours I heard about things said about me' may be better?
she has a nice new boss now so may be time just to move forward, get the award (one in the eye for the horror-manager) and glide gracefully towards her pension )
I agree she doesn't need to say anything, these things generally come out. Had a similar thing with my boss at a bank as well! An honest chat with her boss should be enough tbh.
I agree with those advocating not to do anything. Firstly this isnt your issue, its your mums. Its up to her how to deal with it. Support her in any method she chooses. Sounds like she wants to stay and is getting on with her job fabulously so let her do that and congratulate her - which we all do! Well done her. I cannot see what doing anything formal would improve for her. Shes taking the higher ground and plainly its paid off. I take a lesson from her myself in that sense, wish I had had that sense on occasion!
Bullys always get their comeuppance. Karma and all that.
Just thought id update for anyone interested.
Today is the day of the elite awards, to which mum and her lovely manager have been invited.
My Mum has been several times in her career but its her (nice) managers first invitation.
Long story short... with pre-booked holidays etc due to staffing branch only one of them could go and her lovely manager insisted my Mum went... so she has.... and he asked around other areas to provide cover as a one off.
All other 'local-ish' areas had no staff available... except evil ex-manager in her new area. She point blank refused to allow any of her staff to be available
So until yesterday nice manager was not going to be able to attend because of staffing the branch. Anyway, when head office found out that she DID have staff, was not at the opposite end of the country and wasnt co-operating it did NOT go down well. She was told she had to make one member of staff available so her nice manager is going too
.... and weather or not it has been noticed before, it has certainly been noticed now that she was being deliberately difficult / uncooperative for no valid reason. (ie her usual behaviour) , and i dont think its gone down well at all.
Last week my mum was the top performing staff member in the whole country, and this week she was 2nd in the whole country. As top performer she has won a ticket to ladies day at the races and is just so happy.
Probably right to never say anything officially.... the more senior management probably could see, but wether they had or hadnt, now they have most definitely seen what a nasty unreasonable difficult person she IS
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