Unpleasant comments about pregnancy

[JeelyPiece]

Just bashing this out quickly as am off to work in a mo - bit of a WWYD?

I'm 26 weeks preg and work in a different branch of the organisation to my line manager - we are specialists who are scattered round in local branches and she is at head office.

In the local office where I work they have a line manager who seems rather keen to boss me around as well - taking unnecessary interest in my annual leave etc that is dealt with by my line manager at head office. He is not technically supposed to be in charge of me at all but is the first line manager for the office I work in.

Yesterday he and some others were shifting desks and cabinets round in my office for a reorganisation. I was working as normal. Someone said jokingly to me 'come on, get lifting' to which I laughed and said aye right. This manager then said 'how many weeks is it you're not supposed to lift for, the first 10 or something?'

I answered 'no, all the way through' and he replied in front of about four other people 'yeah that's what such and such told me as well but I looked it up on the internet and it was a lie'. This wasn't said in a joking way and I was so taken aback I didn't respond. I had a few wary looks from my colleages. It's not only incredibly rude but a load of nonsense.

I'm really not happy about this but what should I do? What's even worse is that I'm starting to suffer with pelvic pain and it hurts me to even get to work, none of his business but pissed me off even more!

Do I

a) get over it
b) speak to my line manager who probably won't do anything
c) speak to his direct boss if I can figure out who that is - very hierarchical organisation so this may be frowned upon but at least would drop him in it
d) speak to him directly, which will let me get my full point across but will mean this aspect of his behaviour is not registered with his bosses or anyone else, i.e. he gets away with it
e) just speak to HR, have no idea what they would do

Oops sorry, I do ramble on.

Will check in the odd time whilst at work!

[bruxeur]

Formalise it - go straight to HR. Cc your line manager. Do not go straight to his boss if this is not the protocol.

[bruxeur]

Do not take it up with him directly!

[JeelyPiece]

Thanks bruxeur that was quick. Not sure what the protocol is! This guy is ex-military and he is well known for his zero tolerance attitude to shirkers, i.e. everyone else, despite his having a somewhat physically undemanding desk job.

Maybe HR then. Wonder what, if anything, they will do!

[moomaa]

I'd just go for a version of a:

If everyone is else is helping to move stuff it is antisocial not to help, just do the bins, or wheel the chairs or notices or something. His comment was stupid but you ignored it in a suitable way. To be fair I have carried on doing all kinds of lifting etc that I probably shouldn't at home, that is my choice but I wouldn't do it at work. If you have had a risk assessment he wouldn't have seen it.

If you are providing resource or support that is used in his office I am guessing it affects the service 'his' area offers or the effectiveness with which they operate there so there should be a way for him to know when you are going to be there or not. Also, if you were not to turn up because something had happened to you it would be him expected to notice I guess as your manager isn't physically there. How is meant to know when you are planned not to be there?

You could have a whinge to your manager, she could have a word, it must be common to have issues with this sort of spread of staff.

The problem with c,d,e options is that you need to go to anyone else with factual evidence and unless there are other incidents at the moment it sounds like you are overreacting a bit and just don't like him.

[moomaa]

I suspect HR will say 'ok, we will make a note of his comment', email his manager to tell him to watch it and email yours to let her know you've complained. If I was your line manager I'd then think you are probably suffering a bit and try and give you a bit more support.

He didn't tell you/make you do lifting did he? It was just a stupid comment from a colleague? If it was your line manager that had said it I would take a different view as they should be aware of their staff's needs.

[bruxeur]

6 months pregnant with SPD and it's antisocial to not help move stuff?

Nice, moomaa, very nice.

[TheYuleLogLady]

et HR to do an individual risk assessment for you as a pregnant person. it should include things like risks of moving and lifting. then photocopy it and leave a copy on his desk.

[flowerytaleofNewYork]

When you say if you go with (d) and raise it with him directly he will 'get away with it', what do you mean by that? Are you hoping for some kind of 'telling off' or punishment, or do you just want him to apologise and not make that kind of comment again?

In the interests of a continuing working relationship surely making it clear that comment and the way it was made is not acceptable, getting him to realise that and ensuring he doesn't make similar comments again should be the aim?

I think if a colleague is rude to you you should in the first instance try to resolve it between you, rather than running to someone else behind his back. You are the one who has to work with him in the same office on a daily basis.

I would raise it with him directly, say that firstly he has the incorrect information, you have been advised not to do any heavy lifting or moving during your pregnancy, and secondly you would appreciate if he has any concerns about what you are doing and whether you are pulling your weight, he speaks to you personally about them rather than implying you are lying in front of colleagues which is rude and disrespectful. He'll probably apologise.

Then I would suggest you mention to your line manager what happened, say you have dealt with it but just wanted to flag it up so she is aware of what happened.

[JeelyPiece]

I would have happily moved other stuff but it was only big desks being shifted and not everyone else was doing it.

My first reaction was just go to him about it but DH said that just lets him carry on with nobody in charge of him knowing what he is like. I want an apology and acknowledgement that I am not lying and he knows bugger all about any pregnancy never mind mine.

I do tell him when I'm going to be in the office, what he does is check up to see if I am telling the truth. Which has riled me somewhat.

[flowerytaleofNewYork]

Well in that case speak to him and then record it with H R as well so that people 'know what he is like' (I bet they do already!.

[hairyfairylights]

I would, if you can, speak to his superior about it, informally at first.

If you can't do that, I would look him directly in the eye and say , in a straight forward, unemotional voice 'I find your comments about pregnancy very unprofessional and untoward, and would be very grateful if you would stop'.

He then has fair warning tht you won't take his crap and will take it futher if needs be.

[JeelyPiece]

I didn't know what to do today and therefore wimped out of doing anything! There weren't many opportunities to take him aside.

Am still unhappy enough about it not to let it go though so will have to speak to him tomorrow or it will be too late and I'll look odd for brooding for days on end over this comment.

[cumbria81]

I think you're overreacting. It was just a bit of banter. Going to HR is a bit over the top.