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Xmas lunch disaster - posted in AIBU recommended repost here

(10 Posts)
absolutedisaster Tue 14-Dec-10 18:28:13

Here is my original thread AIBU
If anyone can give me any advice as to how I should handle this going forward I would really much appreciate it.

Brief version is:

Xmas lunch today 15 went, there was one long table of 14, and one separate table for 1. Most senior manager told me that was mine, never been so humiliated in my life.

WestVirginia Tue 14-Dec-10 18:40:28

how much did you have to pay? and who organised this event?

absolutedisaster Tue 14-Dec-10 18:41:58

£15, Senior manager

alittlebitcountry Tue 14-Dec-10 19:22:33

does your company have a published hr policy for all staff to refer to - i believe most big companies should have this easily (and discreetly) availa
ble for you to refer to. Hr professionals will be able to be more specific but www.direct.gov.uk should give you an idea of the company's responsibility to act on bullying. Hope that's useful- they sound cruel and thoughtless. (sorry can't link from phone).

prettymuchapixiegirl Tue 14-Dec-10 20:06:33

How horrible Absolutedisaster, hope you are okay and not too upset

I'm no expert on Employment issues but if it was me I would definitely raise a grievance via the HR department and take it from there. Whatever sort of a bunch of muppets must they all be to just accept that there was a single table and that a colleage would end up sitting alone. I mean surely most half-decent human beings would shift along to make room, or drag the table over to be part of the main table, or request that restaurant staff move the table. Or even, like others have said on AIBU, you'd have thought that someone would have come and sat with you. Absolutely disgusting behaviour from the lot of them!

I know what it's like to be completely ostracised from everyone at work; when I was pregnant with my eldest DC, I had a few days off sick and when I came back my desk had been totally cleared, I was told to file in the filing room with the junior, and had to eat my lunch etc in there. I basically wasn't allowed in the office. When I queried it with my manager he told me to fuck off elsewhere if I didn't like it. I wasn't invited on the office Xmas lunch as apparently there was no point as I would be leaving soon.

Sorry to have gone off on my own mini-rant but I do totally sympathise. I hope you get things sorted.

absolutedisaster Tue 14-Dec-10 20:32:46

I will have to look for the policy, we seem to have them for everything, I've never looked for one, so don't know for definite if it exists.

Thanks PMAPG I keep crying over it, as I just feel like such an idiot, to have not realised prior to this that there was an issue.

Your experience is awful, and seems such a prolonged attack.

christmasheave Tue 14-Dec-10 20:55:59

Absolute, take a look here - http://www.andreaadamstrust.org/
We have them come into our workplace to prevent bullying and you may find them supportive.

I think you've been treated appallingly and I agree you should go and see HR. The way the senior manager behaved was so unprofessional and just plain nasty.

Not surprised you're upset.

prettymuchapixiegirl Tue 14-Dec-10 23:07:43

Awwwww Absolutedisaster, sorry to hear you're upset, I know I would be in tears too. How vile and disgusting that people have treated you like that. I am lost for words that out of 14 grown adults, none of them thought to say "this is wrong".

You sound like a very lovely, decent person and are far superior to those horrible people. If I were you I would try and treat them with the pity they deserve for being nasty vindictive bullies. Especially your manager!

llareggub Tue 14-Dec-10 23:14:16

I posted on your original thread, I'm sorry if I wasn't very sympathetic but on first reading I'm afraid I assumed that this was more cock-up rather than conspiracy.

Before you go any further, have a think about what you want to achieve from this. Do you want to remain working there? Do you want to leave and look elsewhere? Think this through carefully first.

If the former, then I would urge you to think about how this could be dealt with informally and without resorted to formal procedures. Is there someone that you trust at work that you could talk to in confidence?

If the latter, think about what you can get out of work to make you more marketable to prospective employers, and try not to let your remaining time at work grind you down. Their treatment of you tells me more about them than about you.

Good luck.

ThatVikRinA22 Tue 14-Dec-10 23:24:58

vile behaviour. if they have used this to make a point then they are absolute bastards.

do you have a company handbook? i think you have a grievance and i would raise it formally using whatever procedure your company has.

is it a large or small company? do you have a HR dept? a union?

dig out your company handbook and invoke the complaints/grievance procedure. it sure as hell cant get any worse for you. if it does get your gp to sign you off sick. im no expert but thats what id do.

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